Page 82 of Meet Me on Lilac Lane

“What’s wrong?”

She swiped at a tear that escaped. “It’s not your fault Troy was there that night,” she said. “But it was mine.” She let go of him and covered her face.

What?

He scooted his chair closer to her and gently tugged her hands away from her face. Her eyes were red and full of tears. “What are you talking about?” He cupped her cheeks with his hands and wiped away a tear with his thumb.

“Troy didn’t want to go that night, but I told him we needed the money to help pay for Finn’s birthday gift. Your dad said he didn’t have to pick up the shift, but I talked him into it.” She covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes welled again. “So, you can stop blaming yourself now and blame me instead.”

“What happened to Troy is not your fault. Hey, look at me.” He tipped her chin up until she met his gaze. “It’s not on you.”

She blinked. A wetness formed in the corners of her eyes. Moving his hand up, he rubbed a thumb across the tear before it fell.

“I’ve felt so guilty these past two years. Like I stole Finn and Maggie’s father from them.”

“The lake stole Troy. Not you.” They had both carried so much guilt. He was finally letting it go. Perhaps he could help her do the same.

Her voice had dropped to a whisper now. “I’ve never told anyone about that. I just wish I could have apologized to him. I wish he knew how much I appreciated him.”

“Here’s what I know, Mia. Troy was crazy about you. He would have never held this against you.”

“I just wish I could hear him say it.”

“Let me say it for him. Mia, you are forgiven. But I really don’t think there was ever anything to forgive. Troy always did what was best for his family. If he was on the water that day, it was because he believed it was best.”

She gave him a watery smile. “What a pair we are, eh?”

“So eager to take the blame for an act of nature.” He tried for a grin, but it probably fell short.

“I’ve been trying to keep in mind that God is in control. I can’t do anything that isn’t seen by Him. Like the sparrow, you know?”

Her words dropped into his heart, and peace spread in its wake. “I like that,” he said. A lump in his throat made it hard to swallow. “I think the worst part about all of this is that it makes me worry that I will harm someone again. I think that’s why I keep delaying my boat project. Somewhere inside, I don’t think I should take the boat out again in case I kill someone else.”

“Oh, Cody.” Mia stood and moved around to where he sat. She put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him to her. He rested his cheek on her stomach and wrapped his arms around her waist as she held him tight. One of her hands stroked his hair. “Not only did you lose a friend that night, but you lost the thing you loved, your dreams of owning your own fishing company.”

“I thought I was making progress—going out with Liam and Pastor Arnie, and then again with you guys. But now Maggie is hurt, and it happened on my watch. It’s hard to imagine ever going near the water again.”

“That’s a real bummer, because we live on an island. Gonna be hard to avoid it.”

Her wry remark brought a smile to his face. He pulled back. His gaze roamed across her face. “Are you saying to get over myself?”

A slow smile lit her eyes. “I’m saying to cut yourself some slack. We all suffer losses, and we all will continue to, but that doesn’t mean we should stop living. I believe they call that the human condition.”

“Okay, but you need to take your advice too. What happened wasn’t your fault. We both know that Troy made up his own mind about things. He didn’t need you to convince him to go out on the water. He loved being out there. You don’t have to be stuck on the loss of him either.” Cody let go of Mia. The clock on the wall ticked past a few seconds.

Mia sat back in her own chair. His arms ached to reach for her again, but he held back.

“So, we both have things to work on,” Mia said. “No more feeling guilty. You need to talk to your dad. And we both need to focus on God being in control. He’s got the whole world in His hands and all that.”

The last thing he wanted to do was try to talk to his dad again. But Mia had a good point. Being passive had lost him so much over the years. It was time to fight for the things he loved.

After all, so far, it had worked with Mia. Maybe it would work for the fishing business too.

Chapter Sixteen

That elusive thing called “calmness” had finally arrived.

Which was good, because Mia could use some peace in her life right about now. She’d finally gotten the kids to settle down for a quiet time, careful not to call it a nap, or Finn would have protested. She counted on at least an hour with both kids in bed. Maggie still slept for a longer nap sometimes, but Finn was long past that phase. When Constance had dropped him off that morning though, she’d mentioned that he hadn’t slept well the night before; he’d been too worried about Maggie. Hopefully, now that he saw his sister was fine, he’d be able to settle down for some rest.

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