Page 25 of Dance Dirty With Me

“I’ll see you later, Baby, and you can show me what you’ve learnt,” she says. The thought of him dancing with her floats into my head, and the record I’m holding nearly breaks in my hand.

I feel Baby’s hand on my back.

“You should stand up for yourself, get to do what you want to do, no matter the consequences. You’re the expert and you have a real talent for choreography. You need to tell her that.” He always makes it sound so easy, but it doesn’t work like that.

“It’s not that simple. I need to be able to come back next year.” I put my arm around his shoulder and he leans into me, offering a little comfort. I just wish I could share his optimism too.

Mealtimes are still awkward. My father’s still barely speaking to me so I spend less time with my family. I also try to avoid Nicola, though she’s discovered that the best time to corner me is just as we’re finishing breakfast or dinner, when I can’t refuse her in front of my family without giving myself away. Whenever I can, though, I seek out Penny, Billy, and of course Johnny.

When he’s at work, I stay in his cabin, reading while I wait for him. If he has a split shift and has free time in the afternoon we usually spend it in bed. I’m getting good at sneaking out after my family have all gone to sleep. We usually dance in the staff room for a while before we go back to his cabin, and sometimes, if we wake up early, we’ll go for a walk on the beach. If we walk far enough, there’s usually no one around and we can walk hand in hand. I savour those moments, the sun already risen but not too hot, a day full of promise. It feels at that moment that life could be the same, that we have a future. I know it can’t happen, but just forthose moments I like to pretend and not dwell on the fact that in a few days I’ll go back home and pack my things for university, and Johnny will move on to whatever he’s got lined up next.

After an early morning walk, we’re heading back and about to part for breakfast when I see my dad walking up ahead with Robbie and Lisa. He has his arm thrown round Robbie’s shoulders. They start along a path that doubles back towards us, so I pull Johnny back behind a cabin and out of sight.

“What was that you said about standing up for what you believe in?” he whisper-shouts, and I ignore him, watching until they’re out of sight.

“I don’t see you telling your dad and your family about who you really are.” He continues talking, walking away for a couple of steps and turning back.

“It’s difficult. My dad’s complicated. I don’t know how they’ll take it,” I say quietly.

“What about taking chances, whatever the consequences?” he says right into my face, but I turn my head away. “You’re just like the rest of them,” he says before storming off.

I stare after his retreating back. He’s right, I am avoiding telling my family, but it doesn’t make me feel better. I just feel like I’ve let him down.

My day goes badly. I shout at the staff, which I never usually do. I almost trip over my own feet when I give a dance lesson, and I’m late for a staff meeting, which Max berates me about in front of everyone. I don’t mind Max shouting at me, I can shrug it off. He likes to show he’s the boss by being hard on us sometimes. But I can’t stand Robbie’s smirk as I receive my dressing down. Especially after seeing him this morning, being treated almost like one of the family by Baby’s father.

But what’s worse is the knowledge that I had a go at Baby. I shouldn’t have done that; I was out of order. Regret hangs heavy in my chest, because he’s the one person outside my two closest friends who seems to see who I am. I haven’t seen him all day, he must be avoiding me, and that feels so much worse. I miss seeing him curled up in the chair in the studio. He always senses when I’m gazing at him and he looks up and gives me his pretty smile. I miss finding him half asleep in my cabin when I return there between shifts too. Withouthim in my day it feels hollow and somehow meaningless. I need to find him and apologise. It’s up to him when he feels it best to talk to his family.

Before I try to hunt him down I call to see Penny. She’s still on light duties and is usually resting in her cabin between shifts. When I open the door, Baby is with her, sitting on a chair chatting. He rises when he sees me and walks past me, not even looking at me, and the lump in my chest grows until I can hardly breathe. I turn back to Penny.

“Johnny.” Her voice holds a warning tone. “I told you to be careful.”

“I’m fine,” I lie unconvincingly.

“He’s a good kid.”

“Yeah, I know, too good for me.” The sharp edge of my voice betrays me and shows the cracks.

“I didn’t say that,” she sighs. “He’s not like us. He’s grown up with a loving family. Don’t expect the same from him as you would from one of us.”

I almost bark out a laugh, because the kid is one of the toughest people I know. I’m the coward here, and that’s the part that made me snap at him and has had me twisted up all day. After a few more minutes I take my leave from Penny. As I close the cabin door I see Baby waiting on the porch, picking at the wooden railings. That he hasn’t left makes my heart beat a little faster in my chest. I walk over to him and he looks up at me.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You don’t ever need to tell your family if you don’t want to.”

He wraps his arms round me and I pull him close, breathinginto his hair, inhaling his scent. He always smells of fresh linen and the summer sun.

“I want to tell them. I’m just scared,” he whispers against my chest.

Robbie appears around the corner of the cabin and looks straight at us. His face twists into a cruel smile.

“Looks like the brother is as easy as the sister. I didn’t figure him as a poofter, though.”

It’s the last time I’m going to take his shit. Making comments about me is one thing, but he doesn’t get to say anything about Baby—ever. I launch myself at him, knocking him to the ground. I land a kick to his ribs and he curls up. I grab his shirt and draw my arm back, and he lifts his hands to cover his face. I see his expression; he’s actually terrified I’m going to hit him. For all his talk he’s not willing to fight. I lower my arm and shove him away from me.

“You’re full of hot air and nothing else. Stay away from us, you worthless posh boy.”

I walk away from him and back to where Baby is waiting for me at the railing. I hug him to me again as I hear Robbie scramble away.

Nicola finds me as I’m leaving breakfast. She wants some help moving some of the sets I’ve helped her paint to backstage in the ballroom, ready for the show on Sunday. After I’ve carried all of it over she directs me to arranging pieces while she stands in the middle of the ballroom and gives directions. She changes her mind a lot, and I feel like I’ve moved the same tree about a dozen times. I look up and see Johnny is on the ballroom floor, a clipboard in his hand, talking with a few of the staff.

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