Page 29 of Dance Dirty With Me

“Baby,” my dad cuts in. “This is not the time.”

“No, Dad. This is the time.” I stand and take a deep breath. I’ll never be ready for what I need to say, but I’ll do it, for Johnny.

“He didn’t do it, because he was in his cabin all last night. I know, because I was there with him.”

I see their expressions change at my confession, mostly into shock. Max looks furious and Nicola’s face twists into disgust. I daren’t look at my family any longer. I don’t wanttheir judgement so I leave before anyone says anything. I take a long walk, not sure if I can face them after that. This is not how I would’ve chosen to come out—suddenly and in front of a packed dining hall, which a part of my brain hopes was too noisy for people to overhear—but for Johnny, I’d do it all over again.

When I finally pluck up the courage to return to the cabin I find my dad alone on the porch.

I sit next to him and he doesn’t speak. Neither do I. I’ve spent the last few hours walking along the beach, trying to find the words, but I’ve just drawn a blank. I’ve run through a dozen scenarios in my head, each one getting worse. Eventually the torture of not knowing what they thought was too much, and I decided I needed to find that out, even if they cast me out.

The silence stretches for several minutes, and I think that I might just blurt something out, anything at all, when he breaks it.

“I don’t feel I know you anymore, son.”

That he calls me son instead of Baby is monumental, and I look at him. He’s just staring out across the resort, sadness etched on his face.

“I can’t change who I am. I’ve tried to deny it for too long.”

He doesn’t respond.

“I’ve kept who I am bottled up for years, and it’s been eating me up from the inside. I’m sorry you found out this way, it was never my intention to do that.”

He remains still, not even turning his head to look at me.

“I’m sorry I lied to you about the money, but I wanted to help. All I’ve ever wanted is to be like you, to help other people who need it. But that’s not true, is it? You help those who are like you, those who, due to some social code,youthink are worthy. I know I’ve disappointed you, but you’ve disappointed me too, Dad. I thought you treated everyone equally, but I was wrong.”

I finish and he stays statue-like. I’m not sure if he’s even heard me. I have nothing left to say, and I can’t face my mum and sister right now, so I leave and walk away.

I stalk through the site, trying to find Baby, and I eventually track him down curled up in a chair in the dance studio. His eyes are closed and he looks so innocent and young. But I know his young body holds a wise mind and a courageous heart. Not that it’s done him any good. I gently shake him until he wakes up.

“Johnny!” The joy in his face fills me with warmth, even though I know I’m about to shatter us both.

“I’ve been sacked, Baby.”

“What?” He launches out of the chair and towards me.

“I’m out of here.”

“I said they had the wrong person, and they sacked you anyway?” His voice rises in disbelief.

“What we did was illegal. We both knew that. So that’s why. And if I go quietly now Max won’t call the police. No doubthe doesn’t want the scandal, or for his park to be tarnished by this.”

“I stood up for you. I came out to my family, in front of Max and the whole bloody room, all for nothing?” He starts pacing the studio like a small ball of fury. I catch him, holding him by the shoulders until he looks at me.

“Hey. It wasn’t for nothing. No one has ever stood up for me like that before, it took real courage.”

His shoulders slump. “My dad won’t even acknowledge my existence.”

I can see in his eyes he’s defeated. I can’t stand to see his light dimmed this way; he deserves better. I need to try to make that happen for him, but first I draw him into a hug and hold him close one last time.

I tentatively knock on the cabin door. Mr Houseman’s face is like stone as he answers it.

“Sir, I’m out of here, but I wanted to say thank you for helping Penny, and to ask you not to be too hard on Baby. He’s a good person. He looks up to you. He is worthy of your love. I hope you can see that.”

He looks me up and down.

“All I see is a law-breaking sodomite, who after getting his girlfriend in trouble, preys on innocent young men. If I see you again, Iwillcall the police, no matter what Max wants.” He crosses his arms and I realise I’m wasting my time. It rankles me that he gets to judge me. People like him are allthe same, only accepting if people conform to their narrow-minded ideals. It pisses me off and I want to shout at him, but for Baby’s sake I contain myself and just manage to utter.

---