Page 27 of Steadfast

“Thank Christ,” she said easily, her voice suddenly cheerful and unconcerned. The abrupt mood shift wasn’t surprising. “Don’t wait up.” She turned and swayed toward the front door, and I tried to hide my scowl.

She shouldn’t be driving. We all knew it. We all thought it. But I didn’t say a word, and neither did Cian. We’d had that fight more than once. The worst time, I’d had to cake makeup on my cheekbone for a week to hide the bruise after she punched me in the face—the best time, I’d been able to dodge her, and we’d hidden her keys after she’d passed out on the kitchen floor.

It wasn’t as if we could call the police. If she was arrested for driving drunk, the kids would go into the system. I refused to think about how fucked up it was that I spent so many hours of my life hoping that the policewouldn’tdo their job and my mom didn’t kill anyone.

The front door closed with a slam, and I turned to Cian.

“What the fuck?”

“I fucking hate her,” he ground out, his voice rough. “I hate her. I hope she dies.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?” he shouted. “I fuckinghateher.”

“What the hell happened?”

“She came out here, had dinner with us like everything was all fine,” he choked out. “You should’ve seen Ash and Ro. Theywere watchin’ her like she was the second coming of Christ. She’s askin’ them about school and all this bullshit. Me and Sersh were just starin’ at her, wonderin’ what the fuck she was up to, but the littles were soaking that shit up.”

I didn’t have to imagine it. I could see it. Ronan and Aisling were still young enough to hope things were changing. That someday Mom would just suddenly turn into the person they needed.

“So, we get through dinner, and they’re practically vibrating with excitement. They ask her to play Monopoly or some shit, I don’t remember.” He waved his hand dismissively. “And she says,set up the board, so they do.”

My stomach twisted with a familiar mix of frustration and anxiety.

“Then she goes off to her room, and when she comes back out, she’s dressed like a fuckin’ hooker, and she tells them to have fun.”

“Jesus,” I mumbled.

“They were confused as fuck, and I have no idea why,” he barked in frustration. “They know she doesn’t play fuckin’ board games! They fuckin’ know it!”

“They were hoping—”

“I know what they were hoping,” he choked out, struggling to keep his emotions under control. “So, then, Aisling starts fucking crying, and Ro is just starin’ at Mom in shock, and I fucking lost it.”

“Where are they?” I asked quietly. I wanted to hug him, but I knew he didn’t want me to. He was angry and upset, and I knew he hated that I was seeing him that way.

“Upstairs.” He gestured. “Sersh took them up when I started in on Mom.”

“Alright, I’ll go up.”

Everything was quiet upstairs, and I found the kids playing with Legos in the girls’ room. Saoirse was reading, as usual, but she was sitting on the floor next to Aisling.

“I’m home,” I announced, poking my head in the door.

“Is Richie here?” Ronan asked hopefully.

“Nah, he had to go home and see his own family,” I replied, walking into the room. “But he said he’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Do you think he’ll bring more water balloons?”

“Doubt it.” I scrubbed my hand over his head as I sat down beside him. “Whatcha building?”

“A satellite.”

“Like up in space or the one on Mrs. Kinder’s roof?”

Ronan looked at me like I was an idiot. “Space.”

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