Page 12 of Mine

We walked hand in hand back to his car, and the smile that spread my lips was genuine. I knew our arrangement would be weird if my family and friends found out, but I didn’t care. It worked for us, and that was what mattered most.

Houston waited until we were settled in the car and pulling out of the lot to ask, “What are you doing for your birthday, bae?”

“I’m not sure. Autumn and Andy wanna take me out here, but Paisley wants me to come to LA. Of course my parents want to do a family dinner. I wanted to talk to you first though and see if you wanted to do something.”

His head shook as he looked over at me briefly. “You know you and Ma birthday three days apart.” I paused, unsure of where he was going with that. “Since her birthday is on a weekday, she wants to do something the weekend before, so she won’t be too tired to enjoy herself.”

“Oh, okay. So what does she have planned?”

“Well… she wants me to barbecue for her and the family Saturday. I’ma go to church with her Sunday and take her to lunch and shopping afterward. So I can take you somewhere for your birthday Friday or Monday if that’s cool.”

Nibbling my cheek, I cautioned myself. Maybe he had his days mixed up and didn’t realize what day my birthday was.

“My birthday is Saturday,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, I know. But she wants to do something Saturday since she has to work Tuesday.”

“She works a morning shift, Houston. What does that have to do with me?”

“Yeah, but she’ll be tired when she gets off, plus she’ll have to go to sleep earlier for the next day.”

“Then take her to do something Friday or Sunday. I’m not understanding why you have to celebrate her birthday early on my actual birthday. How does that make sense?”

He shrugged as his grip tightened on the steering wheel. “That’s what she wants so…” He shrugged again.

“And that’s all you care about, right? You don’t give afuckabout what I want. Just her.”

“Pleasedon’t start this shit, bae. We’ve been doing good.”

“You’re right.” I laughed and clapped my hands as my legs shook, trying to keep myself calm, but I felt like I was finally at my breaking point. “Wehavebeen doing good. You don’t find it odd that the only time we argue now is because of your mother? Sheknowsmy birthday is Saturday. Are you that damn blind that you can’t see what she’s trying to do?”

“Look, that’s my mama, aight? She ain’t got no husband or no other kids so it’s my responsibility to take care of her—”

“I’m not asking you not to take care of her, but the relationship y’all have is unhealthy. You’re her son, not her husband. I’m not asking you to put me above her. All I’ve ever asked was for you to make me a priority and give me a proper place in your life. How do you think it’s fair for you to spend my birthday with your mama or anyone else for that matter?”

“If it’s that big of a deal, why don’t you just come to the barbecue?”

I laughed again as my heart palpitated. “You know what, Houston? Pull the car over.”

“What?”

“Let me out of this damn car. Now!”

“Hell nah. I brought you here, so I’ma take you home. We need to finish this conversation anyway.”

I said nothing else for the twenty minute drive home. During that time, my mind replayed every situation where I quieted or denied myself for this man. For this toxic ass relationship. Silenttears spilled down my cheeks, but they weren’t sad tears. They were purging me and healing the cracks in my heart that had come from the neglect it had sustained over the last year and five months.

When he pulled into the visitor’s parking lot, I told him not to even cut the car off.

“So you don’t want to talk?” he confirmed, to which I shook my head and wiped my face.

“No, I don’t. I’ve made it as convenient and easy as I could for you to treat me right and love me, and the more empathy I show you, the more you trample on my boundaries. I can’t keep doing that to myself. It’s clear you care far more about being a good son than a good boyfriend, and since you can’t do both, we’re done—for real this time.”

I opened the door as he called my name, but I ignored him. When he grabbed my arm, I jerked away from him.

“Leave mealone, Houston,” I pleaded, too tired to even be mad. Too used to this bullshit to even be surprised.

“So you’re cutting me off because I’m trying to do something nice for my mama?”

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