Page 30 of Sugar Free (Sugar Bowl 3)

She looks at Doug with amusement but nods. "Sure, Detective Denning will take you to her and I suppose I'll be seeing all of your bright, shining faces tomorrow morning at the arraignment. This should be fun, gentlemen."

Hammond turns her back on us and I have to restrain myself from leaping onto it, knocking her to the ground, and strangling the breath out of her. I want to pin her down, wrap my hands around that scrawny neck, and choke her until she turns first red, then blue. I want her to fear imminent death and see the look in my eyes that I won't save her, and then I want to bend down and whisper to her, "You see, bitch. This is what it feels like to be dying. Now tell me that if you had a letter opener in your hand you wouldn't swing it at me right now, just to get one drop of precious oxygen?"

Instead, I merely fantasize about that and watch as she pulls the door shut behind her, giving Doug and me a few moments of privacy.

"So we'll be tried together?" I take a guess.

"Looks that way," he says. "It's a win-win for them. They get two bites at the apple so to speak, and while they'd be ecstatic to have the jury believe you two were in on it together, they'll be completely satisfied if just one of you is resoundingly convicted."

"Well isn't that a fucking junk punch," I say, and then immediately regret the words. Too crass for a refined gentleman like Doug who is working hard to help me.

"I know what you'll probably say, but I do have to throw this out there, Beck. If you took the stand and testified against Sela, the chances would be much better for you."

"Not going to happen," I grit out.

"Didn't think so, but I have to give you the advice regardless," he says kindly. "And I'm sure that won't be the last time I bring it up to you."

"Duly noted," I say.

"All right," he says, laying a hand on my shoulder. "You might as well go home. Sela's not getting out today, but I don't see any reason why Judge Reyes won't grant her the same bail conditions he gave you. So go home, get some money transferred and ready to put down on her, and oh...she'll need something nice to wear tomorrow in court."

I nod, feeling utterly exhausted and helpless at this moment. Doug opens the door and I follow him out. Denning is waiting and she jerks her head down an opposite hallway for Doug to follow her. I head back to the reception area, out of the police station, and cross the street where I'm parked half a block down.

As soon as I'm in my car and pulling into traffic, I call Dennis.

It's more than time.

By my rough calculations, he should be in Panama and is probably on a boat right now pulling in some marlin or other sport fish, so I'm not surprised when I get his voice mail. I'm sure it will be sitting behind some calls from the police wanting to verify my alibi the day of JT's death.

"Dennis, it's Beck. I need you to call me ASAP. Sela and I are in a world of trouble. We need help."

I disconnect, knowing that my message is going to knock the breath out of him. I'm sure he's enjoying a nice vacation, drinking beer with his buddies and figuring JT was in the midst of transitioning out of the business and Sela would be having a long-overdue chat with the police about her rapist.

He's in for one hell of a surprise.

I don't head home the way Doug suggested. I make my way to Belle Haven instead because I need to have a very immediate and important talk with William Halstead, Sela's dad. This shit with Sela will be hitting the news quickly and he does not need to be finding out this crap on TV.

He's been kept fully in the loop on what's been going on, and I've talked to him a few times over the last few days when he calls Sela to check in. I know he doesn't owe me the benefit of the doubt, but he's given it, throwing his full support behind me and trusting in Sela and me when we tell him that I had nothing to do with JT's death.

That's going to make what I'm getting ready to tell him extremely difficult.

As I navigate my way through the rush-hour traffic, I take a deep breath and dial William on his cell phone. Sela gave me his number not long ago but I've never called him yet, so he won't recognize my number.

I'm grateful when he answers on the third ring.

"It's Beck," I tell him. "First, know that Sela is fine, but something bad has happened and I need to talk to you about it."

"Where are you?" he asks briskly, not bothering to pump me for information.

"I can be at your house in about an hour," I tell him. "I'm coming from Sausalito."

"Assuming you won't tell me over the phone, because I can hear it in your voice that it's really bad, meet me instead at the Starbucks in Millbrae; it's on Broadway. We can both be there in about half an hour."

"Got it," I say.

"And, Beck...you swear she's okay?" he asks fearfully.

"Physically, yes," I tell him truthfully. "But she's in some trouble and it's going to be on the news soon. I need to fill you in."

"Fuck," he curses low, and it's the first time I've heard him say that. "Okay...drive fast. I'll see you soon."

Jail sucked. While I was given a cell to myself, the temperature was too cold, the mattress too lumpy, and my blanket too scratchy. The food was barely palatable and the strange noises around me kept me awake all night.

Guess what, Sela? Prison will be even worse.

I try not to think of that just yet, because I've got a million other things to worry about. While it's probably a foregone conclusion I'm going down hard for JT's murder, there are so many other things I need to put right in my life. Mainly I'm worried about Beck, my father, and Caroline, all three who sat stoically behind me through the entire arraignment proceeding. I haven't been able to talk to them, although my attorney, Kerry Suttenson, brought me a navy-blue dress from Beck this morning. It had an open neckline but there was no need to hide the bruises at this point, although they were almost gone.

I had met Kerry briefly yesterday morning after I was processed. Beck's attorney kindly stayed with me until she arrived, informing me that it was a conflict for him to represent me but that Beck had hired me an exceptional lawyer.

And Kerry certainly seemed exceptional. She was tall with dark blond hair that was thick and wavy and serious, deep-set eyes. She commanded attention and her manner was brisk and efficient. I didn't get a single ounce of sympathy from her when we were able to meet for about ten minutes before I was to be taken to the sheriff's department for holding, and I suspect it was because our time was limited. I told her about my history with JT and she nodded while taking notes, pausing every once in a while to clarify an issue.

When we were done, she said, "Sela, I'm not going to lie, self-defense is going to be a hard sell."

I looked at her glumly. "I know...no evidence and all that."

She gathered up her notepad and briefcase and stood from the table we were sitting at in a private room. "I very rarely advise a defendant to take the stand in their own defense, but it's the only chance we have to prove it was self-defense. You're going to have to get up there and tell the entire story from the start."

"I can do that," I said in quiet acknowledgment.

I can most definitely do that because I have absolutely nothing to lose. As it stands now, I have not a single thing but my name and the truth, and perhaps life in prison if the jury doesn't buy my truth.

So she left and I went to jail for the first time in my life. I made it through last night, but felt like an utter zombie when Kerry met me at the courthouse. I silently changed into my dress while she went over the arraignment procedure. I only half listened because I'd been through it with Beck and knew what to expect. My attention was piqued a little though when she said, "Mr. North has already made arrangements for your bail so you should be able to go home today."

And now I'm left wondering what home even means anymore as I'm being processed out of the sheriff's department. I'm given a plastic bag that contains my jeans, T-shirt, and tennis shoes I came in with yesterday, as well as my purse. My gun had long been confiscated since I'd offered it to the police, and K

erry told me that my car had been impounded as well to check for evidence.

Kerry walks beside me out of the sheriff's department where I find Beck and my father waiting for me, and I assume Caroline must have gone back to Healdsburg.

Yeah...no clue what home means to me right now, but my gut instinct tells me I'll be moving back home to Belle Haven. I know that Beck has to be beyond pissed at me and my breach of his trust is not going to be forgiven easily. I know how Beck feels about honesty and transparency, and the only thing I've shown him in the last twenty-four hours is a woman clouded with shadow and deceit.

Kerry puts a hand on my shoulder and I turn to face her. "I'll see you next Monday in my office so we can get ready for your preliminary hearing. You're going to need to take the stand like we discussed. I think it's worth a shot for Judge Reyes to go ahead and hear what your testimony will be. I think there's virtually no chance he's going to drop the charges against you based on your testimony alone, but we have to take the opportunity to try."

I nod, my head still a little foggy and reeling from everything that's happened. "Whatever. I just want Beck out of all this trouble."

Her eyes stare at me intently for a moment before she sighs. "Yeah...well, I'll let you talk to Beck about that."

Not very reassuring on her part, but I still feel good about her representing me. My preliminary hearing is set for Tuesday because Monday is Martin Luther King Day and the courts are closed. But it appears Kerry and I will be working that day to prepare for what I've come to think of as my snowball's-chance-in-hell defense.

"Take care, Sela," Kerry says as she turns away and starts across the parking lot to where she must be parked.

I slowly turn around, bracing myself against the reactions of the two most important people in my world. I simply can't bear to see condemnation and disgust in Beck's eyes; the easier burden is to see the disappointment in my daddy's.

So I look at him first, and find his head tilted with a soft smile of gentle love on his face. In that one look, I know that Beck has told him the entire truth of what happened that night and he still loves me no matter what. My dad opens his arms, and in five steps, I'm wrapped in a hug. I turn my face away from where Beck is standing and put my cheek against his bulky chest while he squeezes me hard.

"It's okay, baby," he practically coos at me. "I've got your back. You're going to get out of this just fine."

My dad...my rock. Just like when I was raped.

"It's okay, baby. Your mom and I love you and will protect you forever. You'll never get hurt like this again."

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