Page 46 of Saving Ian Pope

I went straight to my laptop on the coffee table and flipped it open. Hugh had promised to review the latest song and send over his suggestions. I called over my shoulder, “Are you sure I can’t take you out someplace nice tonight for our last dinner?”

“I’m sure. I relented on your suggestion for lunch today and look what happened.”

“Ah, that wasn’t so bad.” I sank on the sofa in front of my computer and opened Hugh’s email while Ivy puttered around the kitchen.

She brought me a glass of sparkling water over ice and sat across from me on the chair. “Do you need to get your boarding pass?”

“My assistant, Penny, already did that for me.” I held up my phone. “It came through a few hours ago when we were at the beach.”

“Must be nice.”

I shot her a glance, but she was staring into her drink. Time to nail things down and reassure her. “Penny’s been with me for a while. I went to her wedding and the baptism for her first child. She’s the best. Always stood by me. I’m going to send her your contact details, if that’s okay. She can book your ticket.”

Ivy answered me with a tinkling of ice in her glass.

I continued. “I’m thinking a month. Does that work for you? If you’re not done with your book by then, you can finish it at my place. I have a room downstairs that would be perfect for you. It has French doors that open onto the back garden. You can just tell me what furniture you want in there. It’s a bit heavy and dark now, but you can decorate the room however you want.” I licked my dry lips. She still hadn’t raised her eyes from the fascinating water swirling in her glass. “Or you could pick a different room, whatever you want.”

The words, which had taken on a desperate quality, hung in the air between us, and a bead of sweat rolled down the middle of my back. “Ivy?”

She finally looked up, pinning me with her green gaze, and a fist formed in my gut. The warning bell that had dinged in my brain yesterday when she’d told me she wanted to go back to the cocoon of the Ferris wheel had turned into a piercing siren, slicing through my head. I could see it all in her face.

“I’m not going to England, Ian.”

Chapter 16

IVY

I recoiled from the emotions that played across Ian’s beautiful face—disbelief, fear, sadness, anger—they charged across his visage in a matter of seconds, but to me, each feeling lumbered by in slow motion, delivering a powerful, painful punch to my psyche.

I crossed my arms, digging my fingers into my biceps, welcoming the pain of my nails jabbing into my flesh.

“What?” His voice sounded raspy, as if he’d just remembered how to speak.

“I-I thought about it, and I can’t go with you. I can’t move to England or even try it on for size. Your life...” I flapped my hands in the air “...it’s not a normal way to live. I can’t exist like that. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” He knocked the hat from his head and dragged a hand through his hair. “When did you make this decision? How long have you known?”

“I’ve been feeling it the past few days but just decided.” My tight throat made it difficult to form words. I didn’t want to cry.

“You allowed me to carry on like a complete idiot today, talking about our plans, and all the time you were thinking, what a wanker. I’m not going to England with this loser.” He swept his computer from his lap and jumped to his feet. “It’s because of the pap walk, isn’t it? You think I do that sort of thing all the time. I don’t.”

“No.” I pulled a throw pillow from the chair into my lap and hugged it to my chest, while he paced in front of me. “It wasn’t the paparazzi stunt. It’s the whole lifestyle. I can’t do that. It’s not normal. Surely, you can see it’s not normal for regular people. I’m a regular person.” The lie rolled off my tongue. Not that I wasn’t a regular person—I was, sort of. I lied about not being able to do it. I could do anything with him. I wanted to do everything with him.

“I don’t want it, Ivy. I’m trying to get away from that lifestyle. I thought I could get away from it with you. Have something more lowkey. There are loads of celebrities who manage it. I could. I could manage it with you.”

The more he talked, the more my heart shattered and scattered into far-flung pieces. I didn’t think I’d ever get those pieces back together in the right order. What I’d have left for a heart would be misshapen and jagged, ripping into my chest with every beat.

“I do think you can have something different from before, but you can do that without me. You’re strong and brave and...”

“Don’t...” He held up his hands as if to ward off my words “...patronize me.”

“M-maybe I could come and visit you, or if your tour takes you to LA we can get together then.” Bad idea. Matt would be watching Ian like a hawk for the foreseeable future.

Ian threw his hands in the air. Apparently, he thought it was a bad idea, too. “I’m not doing that. You wanna come to England as a tourist? Oh, here’s the London Eye. Let’s do the changing of the guard next or maybe high fucking tea at Blenheim Palace.” He’d put on a very posh English accent and pranced around the room. “I’m not doing that.”

“I’m sorry.” I twisted my fingers together.

“Stop saying you’re sorry. I’ll get my shit and fuck off out of here.”

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