Page 37 of Nikolai

"I know, Sam. But I promise I'm okay." The lie rolls off my tongue effortlessly. The truth is, I'm not okay. My heart feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces. I stupidly let my brain conjure up crazy notions about Nikolai. I led myself to believe it was possible he felt the same way about me as I do about him. I had been a fool, and now I am paying the price. Nikolai only sees me as a friend, and I twisted it into something it wasn't. Sure, we had kissed, but anyone can slip in the heat of the moment. That just goes to show how inexperienced I am when it comes to men. I've never had a boyfriend and never been kissed until Nikolai. I cannot believe the first time a man shows me a hint of attention, I immediately make it into something it's not. How am I going to face him at work after this?

It's beenan hour since Sam dropped me here at the clubhouse. When I arrived, Ember and Raine didn't waste any time showing me to my room. Or should I say Nikolai's room? I know it's his because the sheets smell like him. I'd know that scent anywhere. It's ingrained in me. I may have gone rummaging through the dresser drawers and closet, spotting his clothes and a familiar pair of work boots next to the bed. Being in his space is like rubbing salt into the wound.

Sighing, I sit down on the edge of the bed and look down at my dress. The one I wore specifically for Nikolai, and now it's ruined with not only the memory of what happened when I showed up at his house but also my blood from the bloody nose I received as a result of the car accident. A second later there is a knock at the door, followed by Alba poking her head in. "Hi."

I give her a small smile. "Hi."

"You feel like company?"

"Sure."

Alba steps fully into the room, closing the door behind her. She does a full-body scan, her eyes stopping on my ruined dress. "Did you need help with anything? Were the clothes I brought you okay?"

"Yeah. I just haven't had a chance to take a shower."

Alba sits on the end of the bed next to me, biting her lip. Something she does when she is contemplating saying what's on her mind.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"It was just a little accident, Alba. Nothing to worry about, and I'm fine."

I swear if I say the word "fine" one more time, I'm going to scream.

"That's not really what I was asking. I'm talking about what happened after the accident when Nikolai showed up at the hospital ready to crack heads to get to you, and then telling Emerson you didn't want to see him."

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. "I made a mistake."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I made a mistake by showing up to Nikolai's house."

Alba waits for me to elaborate, and when I don't, she asks, "How was that a mistake?"

I look down at my feet when I reply, so Alba can't see the hurt written all over my face, though she can hear the pain in my voice when I speak. "Nikolai's fiancé answered the door when I went."

Alba gasps at my confession. "Leah, that can't be right. Nikolai doesn't have a girlfriend, let alone a fiancé."

I snap my head toward her. "I'm pretty sure I didn't misinterpret the woman's words. She stated in clear English, she is Nikolai's fiancé."

Alba begins shaking her head, clearly not believing me. "No. No way. You have to talk to him, Leah."

"I'm not talking to Nikolai. There is nothing to say. His personal life is not my business. I shouldn't have thought otherwise. Clearly, he sees me as a friend and an employee. The kiss was a fluke."

"Leah…"

I cut her off. "No. What's done is done, and I'm not talking to him about it. I want to forget this day ever happened." I look at Alba with pleading eyes. "Can we please drop it."

Alba wants to argue, but she doesn't. "Okay, Leah."

"Thank you." I rub my hands over my face, suddenly feeling tired.

"I'm going to go so you can shower and rest." Alba stands and gives me a gentle hug. "I'll come and check on you in a bit."

"Thanks, Alba."

Once Alba leaves, I go through the bag she brought containing my clothes, finding a clean t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. What I wish I had are my glasses. First thing tomorrow, I need to call an optometrist and set up an appointment to get a new pair. I'm blind without them.

With my clothes in hand, I pad into the en-suite bathroom. Flicking on the light, I come face to face with more reminders of the man I need to forget about. A bottle of his cologne sits next to the sink, along with his toothbrush. Shaking thoughts of him away, I strip out of my dress and toss it in the trash bin beside the toilet. After I remove my bra and underwear, I pull the shower curtain back and turn it on. While it heats, I appraise myself in the mirror. The bruising to my face is minimal—nothing a little makeup can't cover. But the long diagonal red and purple mark across my chest where the seat belt locked me in, is sore and angry looking. Hopefully, the hot water will help.

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