Page 59 of Married to the Lord

“If you are upset, then I think it—”

“No,” he barked. “It does not concern you. It never should have.” He cursed under his breath. “I was a fool to think I could have you.”

“What on earth do you mean?”

He grimaced and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the stubble that he'd yet to remove that day. “You’d be better off with Henry,” he muttered.

“Miles?” Hurt flickered in her eyes. “You cannot be serious...”

“I am.” He gave a wry laugh. “I really am.”

“No.” She shook her head and crossed her arms.

“He’s the better brother, Gus.”

“No,” she repeated firmly.

“Gus, damn it.”

“Whatever the problem is, we can deal with it together.”

“That is trouble,” he said, “you cannot deal with it. You should not have to. It's my rotten past and it should never be inflicted upon you.”

She tilted your head. “This is about your past?”

He nodded stiffly, wishing to God she did not look so damned beautiful and sweet. Her friend kept her gaze pointedly forward but no doubt Mrs. Lockhart could hear every word. He took Augusta's arm and led her a little further away. “I thought it was behind me but it is not. It never will be.”

“All men are a little wild in their youth. All that matters is the man you are now.”

He snorted. “I am no different. I wish I was for you, but I'm not. I cannot have you being placed in danger.”

“Why would I be in danger, Miles? You are not making any sense!”

“Look, I was a bad person in my youth. It was not some mere rakish behavior. I did bad things, hurt good people.”

She bit down on her bottom lip. “I thought it was just some drinking, maybe some gambling.”

He shook his head. “I spent time with people who would think nothing of slicing your throat for some jewels. And I stood by and let it all happen.”

“But—”

“Listen to me, Gus.” He gripped both arms tightly, forcing her to look at him. “Henry is the brother you want, not me.”

She lifted her chin. “You cannot tell me what I want.”

“I can, and it's not me.” Miles released her arms and turned away, swiftly mounting his horse without looking at her. “It's not me,” he told her once more. “I wish to hell it was and I'm more sorry than you can imagine, but it's not me.”

She opened her mouth but no response came. Miles didn't wait for her to summon any words but he could feel her gaze upon his back as he rode away. Clenching the reins tightly, he willed himself to keep his gaze ahead. He wasn't wrong, but first he had to do one more thing for her. If he was going to make sure she was truly safe, he needed to pay Jenkins a visit. If he was going to use his past for anything good, he'd remind the man exactly who he really was.

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