Page 84 of Married to the Earl

Astrid, he now realized, had been nothing but a pawn from the beginning.

He had considered it before he’d married her. He had taken trouble to make sure that she actually did want to marry him. That had mattered to him.

But he hadn’t thought about it enough. He hadn’t been careful enough. If he had, he wouldn't never have brought her into this world in the first place. He hadknownhe was the kind of person who drew a target on himself. He had known people would attack him for who he was. He had known he had rivals.

Successful people were always vulnerable, and Conor was no exception.

He should have left her with her father.

No.He shook his head, trying to clear it.That isn’t right. I know that’s not right. Tobias used her as a bargaining chip too. He used her to get himself out of legal trouble.It was good luck for Astrid that the person Tobias had been beholden to had been someone who cared for her and would treat her well.

She could easily have ended up married to someone who wouldn’t appreciate her at all,he thought.She could have had a husband who was unkind, or cruel, or even just unloving.

Yes, being Conor’s wife came with risk. But everything worth doing carried a little risk. He felt sure that Astrid would have said the same thing if she was here now.

She fell in love with me,he reminded himself.She loves me just as much, just as deeply, as I love her. She’s glad that we’re in this together, married to each other.

And now it’s my duty to show her that I’ll never let her down.

He looked up from the note. DuBois was watching him with trepidation. “I suppose I’ll have to go to The Arc tonight, as the note says, and find out what this is all about,” he said.

“I think I should go with you, My Lord,” DuBois said.

Conor shook his head. “You saw what the note said. I’m to go alone.”

“I don’t think they’ll act against her if you bring me,” DuBois said. “They’re warning you against it because you’ll be easier to face if you’re on your own than if someone is backing you up. But they want something from you, and if it’s clear that you’ve come ready to negotiate, I think they’ll want to talk too. If they hurt Astrid, they lose their only bargaining chip. They’ll realize that.”

“No, DuBois,” Conor said. “I’m going alone. Maybe you’re right, I don’t know. Maybe they’ll be so glad I showed up at all that they won’t care that I disobeyed. But maybe theywillcare. We don’t know who these people are, but we know that they’re dangerous. They kidnapped Astrid. And this note definitely implies that they murdered Lord Hayward.”

DuBois inclined his head, conceding the point.

Conor sighed. “I would go right now if I could,” he said, feeling fretful. It was hours until one a.m. How was he supposed to sit around the manor and wait to see Astrid again? He longed to hear her voice, to touch her and feel for himself that she was unharmed.

“I can make you something to eat,” the cook suggested.

“I’m not hungry.” He couldn’t even imagine feeling hungry.

“You should eat, My Lord,” the cook urged. “You’ll need your strength about you if you’re to face these criminals tonight.”

She was right, and Conor knew it. He allowed himself to be shepherded into the dining room and sat at one of the tall wooden chairs. He felt rather like he was a child again, being guided through the motions of sitting down for a proper dinner.

Time seemed to slip by in fits and starts. Eventually, someone emerged with a bowl of a hearty stew and placed it on the table before Conor. He ate methodically, lifting the spoon to his mouth again and again without really thinking about what he was doing.

His thoughts were with Astrid.

Where was she right now? What was happening to her? Had anyone bothered to explain to her that she might have a chance to go home? He knew she must be frightened.

If she’s conscious, that is.

The thought of Astrid unconscious and tied to a chair somewhere was enough to make him lose his appetite. He put down his spoon and stared into the bowl of stew, unable to continue eating.

What if the thing her kidnappers want is something I can’t give?he wondered suddenly.What if they’re going to ask me to get a sum of money together that’s greater than the worth of anything I own?That would be a hefty amount, to be sure, but it was certainly possible.

This is how Tobias felt when he stole from me, he realized suddenly.If he hadn’t come up with the money he needed, he would have lost his home and his livelihood. His daughter would have been out on the streets.

Conor was going to have to apologize to the man. Now that the shoe was on the other foot, he knew that he would have made the very same choice Tobias had. He would steal, if that was what it took to make Astrid safe again.

There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do.

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