Page 7 of Bonds of Fate

Riordan stands up and nods. “I’m not going to tell you how to feel, Nix. No one should do that. I am sorry that this happened to you. Sincerely. I think Ewan and I will head home. Should you need to talk to anyone in a professional capacity or even as a new friend, I hope you’ll reach out. It was nice to meet you; I only wish it had been under better circumstances. No need to walk us out, we know the way. Love?”

The taller doctor nods and keeps Nix in sight until they disappear down the hall.

Nix watches the doctors go. They were nice enough, but they upset his mates. They smell sad—Nix can tell that now, and isn’t that saying something when he recognizes sadness and anger more than he does their happy scents?

His desire to placate is strong, but he doesn’t know where to start. “Jamie.”

Finn is still frozen, and Gideon’s jaw is clenched so hard he might crack a tooth. But Jamie…Jamie has not looked away from him, and the tears on his face might hurt more than anything he’s heard today, and he hates it.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said all that.”Out loud.

“Nix. Please. No more. You—you can’t be sorry,” Jamie says, his voice breaking, the weight of his plea evident in every word.

“I do nothing but make you sad, so I am sorry. Sorry, I brought Dawson to your door, sorry I made you do something you should not have had on your conscience, and sorry you had to hear even a little of how evil and cruel he can be. If I were a bigger person, I would leave now and make sure he never has the chance to learn your names. But I can’t. I have nowhere to g—”

Gideon growls and storms out for the second time in two days followed by a slamming door. Just another regret Nix can add to his list of sins.

“Look, can we forget this? I’m here, and I’m safe, right? I never have to think about it again because he’s going to prison forever. I’m going to order some new stuff with Finnie and eat some lunch, and it’s all…fine. It’s good, even.”

Suddenly, he wants Grayson. He wants cool hands on his face and in his hair. He wants the comfort of someone who didn’t witness the telling of this sad tale for the second time. He just wants it all to stop.

Because something awful sits perched on the edge of his awareness, charged with the emotions and memories he’d rather not acknowledge—or worse, feel. Old habits and years of practice have served him well—they let him add the horrors of near death to the box he keeps locked in his brain.

He’s worried he’ll have to fight his wolf, who wants nothing more than to rip that box open and set all those memories and emotions free. To use them to fuel a fire that burns for Dawson Hayes’s heart in his hand. It’s concerning—because once they’re free, locking them back up will be nearly impossible.

Chapter Two: Luca

Luca

“Luca! What the hell? If Gideon finds you eavesdropping…”

“I ain’t been droppin’ no eaves, sir, honest,” he whispers back and drops on his butt, gesturing for Rowan to sit beside him.

Gideon had stormed out of the living room and into their home gym, probably to kick the shit out of the heavy bag. His thunderstorm scent was so charged with lightning that Luca swore he could feel it crackling in the air, raising the hair on his arms. It hurt to see Gideon push past his limits, knowing how much his soulmate valued self-control. It hurt him for real—in that soulmate place under his sternum, a deep ache he couldn’t ignore.

He knows that hearing Nix talk about his injuries–past and present–with so much nonchalance made Gideon angry at the same time that it broke Luca’s heart.

Nix hadn’t even sounded like himself—his normally sweet tone, hollow and lifeless. It was terrifying because Luca recognized dissociation when he heard it.

Of course, they wanted him to live in the moment with them, to be happy and carefree. Luca knew all about wanting a life without jagged edges where a single memory could draw blood. That particular philosophy is at the core of how Luca lived his entire life, and he knew he was lucky to be able to do it, too.

He had a career he loved, and with the help of Rowan, Jay, and Leo, as well as their fans, he kept his anxiety manageable. They worked when they wanted, and where they wanted, and with whom they wanted. The others also had careers they enjoyed, and together, they lived a lifestyle of luxury and comfort.

Luca agreed with Finn wholeheartedly: if Nix wanted to be at home and recover, doing abso-fucking-lutely nothing well into the next century, then he damn well could—and they would all be happier for it.

A healthy body and mind that their omega was free to enjoy? What more could they ask for? He could have or be whatever he wanted.

But what Luca witnessed down there from his perch on the balcony was not a healthy mind. To his layperson’s knowledge—and from personal experience—that was repression, disassociation, and denial.

Mixed with his newest instincts as an omega Were? It was all too much.

And there was no road map on how to handle it—there weren’t even any omegas to share his experience with. Society certainly didn’t have omega gender covered in their secondary gender classes.

Most people knew they were going to be an alpha or a beta when they were preteens or even earlier. Early pheromones and behaviors often pointed the finger at a secondary gender, creating awareness well before the late-teen presentation. It meant that Were teens could get the instruction they needed to best handle their secondary gender presentation and beyond.

Nix had more than enough reason to feel overwhelmed with his change, especially given all the reasonswhyhe was a Were in the first place.

“Rwo?” He realizes that sounded funny because he’s put two of Rowan’s tattooed fingers in his mouth to soothe himself.

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