Page 112 of Stutter

“So they took hisskin?” The disgust in Maverick’s voice is unmistakable.

“Secrets will either bind you or break you.” I answer, flicking my gaze to his, hoping he understands what else I’m trying to say.

The silence around us is deafening, the only noise is the crackling of the fire in the living room’s fireplace. The tension in the room is palpable.

Damon is the first to break that silence. “Are you ready?”

I am, because I feel so fucking sick right now. “It’s gonna stink.”

Damon nods. “You can go upstairs, if you’d like. I’ll take care of it.”

I shake my head. “No, I want to watch it fucking burn.”

________

Maybe it’s the snow coming down that makes the stadium lights seem brighter, or the fact that my girl, Damon, and Maverick are in the stands, that makes me feel fucking high. The noise of the crowd is a deafening roar even with my helmet on. River threw the ball right in my hands,forty yards…thirty… I jump over Hawthrone’s number forty-two, a big fucker that just tackled Zeke…twenty… swerve to miss number twelve…ten yards… my thighs ache, my lungs burn… almost…

Touchdown!

I slam the ball down, doing my (now-infamous) touchdown dance that Raven did in her dorm room that one time, and when I know the camera to the jumbotron is on me because it always is, I put two fingers to my lips and look at the screen, where it shows Raven doing the same.

My girl.

My future.

Behind her is the lovely couple, Damon and Maverick cheering me on…. Behind them?

A scowling Stephen Prescott.

I don’t let him get to me because on either side of Raven are scouts. Scouts I’ve talked to before. Probably feeling awkward when they found out she’s mute and they couldn’t talk to her about me.

My perfect baby girl.

Hmmm.

I gotta think of something else to call her because what if we have a daughter?

Nah, that’ll be my little princess. God, I hope she looks like Raven.

Feeling even higher thinking of Raven having my babies, going into the next play feels as smooth as butter.

I hope her tits get huge when they’re full of milk. Can I drink it?

Maverick is right – I was born to play this game.

And that’s where I keep my focus for the next seventeen minutes – not on Stephen, who’s probably irked I didn’t show up to his office on the third. Well, that’s not exactly true. I showed up, he was in a meeting, I didn’t sit around and wait. So if he’s mad about that, then he should keep his appointment times.

We’ve barely moved ten yards during this play when Coach calls a huddle, though I’m paying attention, I just want to get back to the locker room so I can shower and find Raven waiting for me. It’s the little things that make me feel so loved. And I know she has a thermos of Damon’s hot chocolate for me,too so it’ll be even better. I hope he put extra marshmallows in there.

We break, and when the play is called I do what I do best, imagine Raven’s cello playing the symphony she’s been composing in her room – which now has a violin, a viola, a small piano, and this small little drum thing she uses to keep a beat. We thought about turning the garage into a recording studio for her, but Damon and Maverick think buying a house in New York would be better. We’ve been looking for a home big enough with two separate offices and a room we can convert to her recording studio. Which will probably take a while to remodel, and we want to surprise her with it. But I don’t want it to be a basement. I want her to be able to open the doors, let the sunlight in, and play to her hearts content like she did in Paris.

I want my girl to be and feel free to be her amazing self no matter how nerdy she is.

I chuckle, catching the ball River throws at me and making it toward the end zone.

I get tackled but my hand made it past the white line.

Touchdown.

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