Page 46 of Stutter

Holy hell. I squeeze his hand. I don’t know what a professor at an elite university’s salary is and I don’t really care. I would love the man beside me if all he had to offer me was his heart. We started out in a frenzy and when he’s with me, every facet of the man beside me turns me into a feral kitten. It will never be over between us. I knew this then and I know it now.

“I… love you.”

His eyes stay on the road, but he still smiles. “I know. I love you, too. I’m not like Jonas and Damon where I can fling those words around, Raven. I know they mean it. But words and promises have never meant much to me. Growing up…” he grimaces, “I told you my mother left when I was young. She left mebehind with my father when I was six years old. My father ran a mechanic shop in a tiny town in Texas called Adelaide. As you can probably tell, we barely got by by the skin of our teeth. I grew up on the right side of the tracks but just barely. The house we lived in was my grandmother’s, which he inherited upon her death, otherwise, I’m sure we would have been two streets over those tracks and in one of the rotting mobile homes of the trailer park. But that didn’t mean I didn’t see what no child should see.

“My father always promised this and that. The very little contact I had with my mother, she did too. But those promises were always broken and the ‘I love you’s’were scarce, if any. They were mostly written on a postcard here and there until the postcards simply stopped coming.”

My heart breaks at imagining Maverick as a child waiting outside for his mother to show up and never did. Deadbeat moms exist as well. I should know. But then again, could I categorize Sofia as a deadbeat? There was a roof over my head, food in my belly, lessons in Latin and French, she made every cello recital… but where was she, really, when I needed her? I had so many things I took for granted, but at the end of the day, didn’t I run to Galvina, our chef when I was hurt or sick? Wasn’t it Maximo our House Manager when my father died or I went to to play with when Axel couldn’t because he was sick?

Wasn’t it Rosie our housemaid that taught me everything I needed to know about being a woman when I woke up bleeding between my thighs the first time, when I was thirteen because Sofia couldn’t bother to answer my phone call while she was in France?

Wasn’t it her again, that held me when I cried the first time my mother pointed out the small pooch in my belly or the way my thighs jiggled disgustingly when I was twelve and had to have my mealssupervised?

My pain is different from Maverick’s, but it was pain all the same. And I knew pain well. Physical, emotional, mental… maybe that’s why I trusted him so much sexually because he knew not to give me more than I could handle. I knew my limits, but it seemed he knew mine more than I did.

Because he sees my strength.

“I was sixteen when I graduated high school with a seventy-five percent scholarship to UMass. I applied there because I wanted to get as far away from my father as I could. I wanted to go away and never return. I had even applied to the University of Alaska, if you can believe that. Anyway, thanks to working at my dad’s shop, I knew my way around cars. So the kids at UMass would hire me to not only work on their cars if they broke down, but fix them up, too. I worked my way through college, earning a degree in psychology. But I was fascinated by” he swallows with a wince before he says the next word, “criminals. So I applied to work for the FBI. I was essentially a grunt and a rookie in every sense of the word. But I had always been a quiet kid, entertained with puzzles and books too smart for the average adult. I was always the odd one out, never picked first because I was a small thing. Always smarter than others because I saw things others didn’t see. I worked hard, Raven, to be who I was. Respected.

“I was twenty-two when I ran into my mother in New York City while I was on assignment in some small, bougie cafe. I recognized her from the photos my father had kept of her. Helovedher, Raven, truly loved her. Never got over her. Never dated once she left. He simply deteriorated. Let himself go even though he still had a child to provide for.

“That’s the Harrington curse, Mav,”he says in a mocking voice with a country accent, gripping the steering tightly. “We’ll love a woman with our entire soul, give it to her and she’ll take it with her when she finally leaves, because they know a Harrington just ain’t good enough for them to love back.”He scoffs with a bitter laugh and all I can do is clutch his hand tighter, knowing this is the pivotal moment where I will always show him I love him. Remind him I love him until he knowshedeserves my love. That yes, I’ll take his soul, but I’ll give him mine in return. In fact, I gave mine first. Dark and twisted as it may be.

“My mother didn’t recognize me whatsoever… but she would have, if she had ever kept any of her promises.” He breathes. There’s so much turmoil on his face but then his features relax. “Which is why I’m going to show you my devotion, Angel, because you have my soul and my heart. But I’m better atthisthan I am at… words.” He laughs and I know it’s at the irony of who he’s saying this to – me. The girl that stutters.

I giggle at that, too, and when we reach a stop sign, he finally looks over at me, smile still bracing his face. God, he’s fucking handsome. The SUV lurches forward, as we drive at a snail’s pace through a somewhat busy small town.

“Just know I do love you. I’m a mean fucking devil with twisted desires Raven; I am not a good nor a kind man, but I’myourdevil. Nobody has ever captivated me nor held my attention nor has sucked my dick like it holds the elixir of youth like you do. I want you for as long as I live, until I croak. And even trapped in the ether, will I love you… if you’ll have me.”

I inhale and form the words on my tongue. “Sso mmuch f-for not b-being good a-at w…words.”

He laughs lowly and it makes my pussy tingle because his smile is radiant and rakish, and it does so many things to me. “And for the record, what you said to me a few nights ago, Ineverstopped loving you. If I’m completely honest, you fuckingterrifyme, Siren.Loving youterrifies me – but it’s the best fucking adrenaline rush I’ve ever had.” He parks the SUV, (finally) and I wait as he gets down and opens my door. “Ready?”

_______

I could scream!

We’re at a tattoo parlor!

I wiggle up and down excitedly in a happy dance as he opens the door and the bell jingles above us. Heavy metal covers of Christmas carols play softly above us as we walk through the door, his hand on the small of my back, pushing me forward.

It’s a classic tattoo parlor, drawings of traditional and non-traditional tattoos are hung along the walls, bead curtainsare hung above another doorway and a petite, blonde woman with red tips and what looks like ten piercings on her face pops through. She looks cool until she squeals, “Mavie!” then bites her lip, clasping her hands together to push out her generous chest as she jumps a little, making them jiggle.

Mavie? What the fuck? Jealously flares through me and I go rigid. I let my gaze bounce between the barely covered woman in her late twenties and my professor.

“Hey Cherry.” He says without glancing her way, keeping his eyes on mine and honestly, that helps her not get stabbed. With a smirk, because I’m not doing anything to hide my immediate dislike of Cherry, he shrugs out of his coat and starts helping me out of my winter gear by the front door. “This is my girlfriend, Raven.”

Her smile falters and I beam at her. Glowing. I amradiant. I am a full harvest moon on a cloudless night.

That’s right, bitch.Iam Maverick Harrington’s motherfuckinggirlfriend.

“Oh, hi.”

I give a small wave as Maverick tugs me to him by my scarf. His brown hair is tousled, green eyes glittering with a knowing happiness. He kisses me but not before whispering, “You look beautiful when you’re jealous, and no, I’ve never fucked her.”

I let my rage simmer down but not before I see her try to hide a face of casual annoyance.

Same, bitch.

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