Page 83 of Stutter

He rolls his eyes. “And I got trauma surrounding stepbrothers, babe. If I want to fuck you in front of him, I’m going to.”

I sit up, this time holding my arms out to him and he sighs, getting into bed with me. Nothing has ever happened between us. I love you.

“Don’t tell me you love me if you’re trying to make it to dinner on time. You know what that does to me.” He grins, “Oh fuck yeah, I’m ready for round two.” He waggles his brows, and I swat him with a pillow.

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Dinner… is held in the dining area that isn’t set up for the party but is set up with the same holiday décor. At the table long enough to seat twelve, John sits at the head, Sofia to his left, Axel to his right and the two places set up, are beside Ax. I take my place beside him, Jonas beside me and keep my head down, not meeting any gazes.

I want to go home. I want my daddy, and I want my beast. I want pizza. I want my books and my bed. I want Kronos and Luci – even though I’m sure he hates me, but I can’t ever tell with him.

“Raven, it’s good to see you. Jonas.”

I look up at John, shoveling food onto his plate from the platters before us. I’m so twisty on the inside I can’t fathom eating an actual meal. I serve myself small portions, but Jonas grabs my plate and piles more food onto it. I want to tell him to stop, that I’m too anxious and don’t want to eat too much or I’ll get sick, but he smiles at me and my heart twists.

“Thank you for having us,” he says, setting my plate down to start adding food to his.

I see meat andpotatoes and other veggies, but I don’t want any of it, even though I know Galvina probably spent so much time in the kitchen preparing this. I feel bad they made her set up my room. I should say hello. I should go and thank her.

“Nonsense, Raven is always welcome here.” Sofia scoffs, taking a sip of her wine. “This is her house.”

Jonas' smile turns wide and almost creepy as he stares the woman that gave birth to me down. We both know this is not my house. “Good to hear it.”

The conversation is awkward to say the best, with me avoiding the parts of the food I don’t really like, plus the entire conversation. I’m mostly drifting in and out, keeping my thoughts on Maverick and Damon, wanting to go upstairs to call them. I don’t like being away from them. My knee starts bouncing and I can feel the anxiety rising.

A hand on my thigh squeezes and I look up. “Baby?”

I arch a brow at Jonas in question.

“I told your mom you’re playing your cello again.”

Truth be told, I never stopped. They were just never home during my visits from Lorne Wood, so how would they know?

I nod once to confirm and go back to pushing my food around my plate.

“It…” I stare at Sofia, so posh, so beautiful, so perfect. So unlike the woman that laughed when things were funny and cried when she was sad. She breaks my heart. Where did my mommy go? “It would be nice if maybe… you played something tomorrow night?”

I look over at my handsome demigod that fingered his cum back into me while we showered then tried to fill me with more just forty minutes ago. He shrugs, telling me it’s my choice and I… I look back down at my plate. It’s chicken. The meat Jonas served me, I mean. Chicken. Christ, where did I go?

I push my plate forward, putting my napkin over it then grip Jonas' hand that’s on my thigh, letting him know I'm done and would like to retireimmediatelyto my room. I can feel Axel’s eyes on me, but I can’t meet his gaze. Not because I’m ashamedof what happened upstairs, although that does make my cheeks heat, it’s more like… I just don’t have anything to say anymore.

I do miss him, and I do still love him… but I missmemore. I lovememore. Maybe that’s selfish or brutal of me to even think… but sometimes holding on to someone just because they were in your past causes more damage than just letting go.

I cast a glance at the boy that knew my deepest, darkest secrets and fears, held them close, never judging me for them, simply wanting us to succeed together.

He looks so perfect. So well put together as he swirls his wine in his glass. Pristinely pressed white shirt, not one strand of dirty blonde hair out of place, clean shaven with not a scar nor acne. He’s beautiful, my Axel, and as much as I wish we could go back to who we were, I’m too far gone and he’s in way too deep for me to drag him out with me.

In a way, I guess it is how it once was – I’m a stranger in his home again. Except now, the tables have turned. Now I’m the sickly one dipped in darkness and death.

And yet, there’s no music when I look upon him – only longing for what I could have been – perfect and well put together.

Jonas takes my cue and kisses my temple. “Okay, baby. Let’s go. Mr. And Mrs. Monroe, thank you for dinner, Raven and I are exhausted, and we’d like to retire for the evening.”

“Yes, my father did tell me you stopped by the other day to meet him then flew straight home in time for your game.” She says but I don’t dare look at her. I don’t look at anyone. I tense, and Jonas' hand does too, but on the small of my back so it’s hidden from view. “Said you asked for her hand in marriage.”

This time I do look, at the way her light green eyes shine a bit with… pride?

“Gave me the green, Mrs. Monroe. Expect my mother to extend an invitation to the engagement party.” He lies. A beautiful, wonderful lie.

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