Page 41 of Look at Her and Die

Yes, what was I thinking?

Grinning, I sent her a goodnight text, then sat up out of the hay that I’d collapsed in the moment my help went home.

I’d been lying there dozing for hours.

But my stomach reminded me that I seriously needed to get my shit together and grab something to eat, or I’d regret it in the morning.

But when I got into the kitchen to check out my fridge, I realized another problem.

Scottie wasn’t here to do the grocery shopping anymore, meaning my entire fridge was empty sans for a soured jug of milk.

Fuck.

Eleven

Ehhh, good enough.

—Mediocrates

SEARCY

I’d been thinking about him all day, and I was questioning life.

He’d left abruptly today, not even finishing his meal.

I’d watched him out of the corner of my eye as he started eating, loving that he’d enjoyed his food so much here.

Only, after the cute woman that belonged to the angry looking biker that’d come in last came up to order food, his entire demeanor had changed.

I’d loved the photo she’d shared with me of Doc and the woman’s—I couldn’t remember her name for the life of me—baby in his arms.

They’d both been asleep on the couch in what looked to be the middle of a party.

Both of them had been snoozing away, despite the chaos going around them.

Something had changed in me in that moment.

Seeing him with a baby on his chest had made me want that so badly that I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds.

I also realized that the distance that he kept from the woman that’d been on his bike screamed platonic, not relationship, making me breathe easier since I’d seen them on the back of his bike together.

But before I could say anything to the man in any way, he’d shoved a hundred and fifty bucks at me and walked out.

The men that’d been at the table with him had stayed long enough to finish their food and leave a generous tip, making it possible for me to be where I was now.

The beep-beep of the grocery checkout was a constant hum in my head as I moved up and down the aisles of Walmart.

I had less than an hour to get everything picked out and check out because they closed in forty-nine minutes.

I’d have been here earlier, but the grease guys stopped by an hour late, and we couldn’t work tomorrow if we didn’t get the old grease emptied.

Then, after they’d come and gone, I’d found a leak in a water pipe in the bathrooms when I was cleaning them. Which had then prompted me to make a trip to Lowe’s.

I’d gotten that fixed up by the old dad on YouTube that taught kids who didn’t have dads how to navigate life—I used his YouTube videos a lot.

Then, when I’d gotten home, I’d gone to the fridge to make the kids lunch for school tomorrow—they got free lunch at the school, but tomorrow was fish stick day and they hated the fish sticks—and found that not only did we not have anything to make them lunch with, we didn’t have anything but expired condiments and a few stray baby carrots.

With my coupon binder in hand, I’d made my way to Walmart, which was where I was now, comparing two sizes of laundry detergent, and wondering how in the hell they thought that they could just add six less ounces into the Tide tubs and we wouldn’t notice.

---