Page 35 of Flashback

“You don’t have to convince me.” He watched the house grow smaller in the side mirror. “I know exactly what those boys are going through.”

She glanced at him for a moment. “Is that what your father was like?”

He tried to shrug it off but couldn’t. “Not exactly.” In some ways, it’d been worse. “My dad was the sheriff in our county. People actually respected him. They didn’t know any better. Because on the outside, everything looked fine. He was a stickler for keeping the yard neat, even though the porch was sagging and the house needed painting. There was never enough money for that kind of stuff, but he always made sure the grass was cut and the leaves were raked. That was my job. But it didn’t matter how hard I tried, he would find fault with something. And he’d make sure I paid for it.”

“I still can’t believe your mom didn’t do anything.”

“She said I had to keep trying harder. That he was just trying to toughen me up.”

Allie reached over and held his hand. Somehow, the touch loosened the need to hold it all inside.

“Once, I was about nine or ten years old, and I thought, ‘Fine. Then I’ll do it perfectly.’ I went over the yard twice with the mower. I borrowed the neighbor’s weed whip and everything.Spent the whole day pruning trees, trimming bushes, pulling weeds. There wasn’t a blade of grass out of place or one stray twig on the lawn. Mom and I even scrounged up enough money to buy some flowers for the sad-looking flower bed we had by the porch. And I waited for him to get home. Waited to hear him say, finally, that he was proud of me, that I’d done a good job.”

“What did he say?”

Dakota could still see his mom on the porch. She’d changed out of the muddy jeans into a nice dress and done her hair just for his father.

Look, Buck. Dakota spent his whole day tidying up the yard.

“He said, ‘You cut the grass too short, boy. You just killed our lawn.’ And he emptied his coffee mug on the flowers we’d just planted. Said they looked like?—well, I’m sure you can guess.”

“He didn’t.”

“That was Buck Masterson.”

“Oh, Dakota.” Her gentle voice reached deep inside, soothing the aches that’d never quite healed.

“It was my mom’s flowers that got me. For once, she’d tried to help me get on Buck’s good side. To see him desecrate them like that, I”—Dakota clenched a fist—“I got so mad I kicked the trash can. It tipped over and made a huge mess. And then Buck dragged me inside and let me have it.” His mother had been next.

But Allie didn’t need to know the particulars. The scars were mostly internal at this point.

“What did your mother do?”

Oh, that. “After Buck left, I went to check on her in her room.” He could still remember the sour smell of sweat and alcohol. His mother curled up in a tight ball on the bed, wrapped up in her ratty bathrobe, her dress discarded in a heap on the floor. He’d approached quietly, hoping to find comfort together, come up with a plan to go, anything.

Mom, are you okay?

“She rolled over, looked me in the eye, and said…I was just like him. That if I hadn’t lost it and kicked over the trash, he wouldn’t have gotten so upset.”

“Are you serious? She blamed you?”

Dakota looked out at peaks in the distance, clenching his molars tight. He loved the indignation in Allie’s voice. But still, crazily enough, he didn’t want to completely disparage his mother’s name, like he needed to defend her. “She finally took me and left about a year later. But she was never the same.”

“And she never told anyone?”

“Who would believe us? All the deputies worked under him. He had complete control over the paperwork and reports. And once we moved, there was no reason. She never talked about it again.”

“I’m so sorry, Kota.”

“It’s in the past.” He looked back at her. “But it was a great motivator when I went into law enforcement. I wanted to show everyone that I wasnothinglike my father. Not that I did a great job of it today.”

Which was maybe why he was floundering so much after losing his job. It had been his whole identity. His way of undoing his past.

He might not be Benson PD anymore, but he could still help solve whatever was going on here in the wilderness around Ember and show his brother, Dani, and his nephews that he wasn’t some washed-up addict. Maybe he didn’t have to fight fires in the wilderness to do that. Maybe it meant working this case on the side, protecting two little boys in an all-too-familiar situation. Helping Allie find Scout.

“Dakota, you’re one of the bravest, most honorable men I know. You asked me this morning for a chance to show me that you’re one of the good guys. But I’ve always known that. And weall have things we’re ashamed of. You have no idea of the things I’ve done.”

She pulled over by the river that ran through the town.

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