Page 55 of Flashback

“Allie!”

She looked up. Dakota jogged toward her. Great. He’d found her. And she had nowhere else to go. Betrayed by her own body. Again.

He rushed over and grabbed her hands once more. She had no more strength to pull away physically.

But she could push him away with the truth.

“Go away, Dakota. You don’t need to do anything. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. Not by a long shot.”

“I will be. Just…” She wanted to sayTake me home. But home was far away. And Scout was still here. And…everything she’d worked so hard at constructing was tumbling down all around her.

She watched the river water swirl and flow past them.

Dakota sat next to her, wrapped her in his strong arms, her head tucked under his chin. “I’m not going anywhere, Al. I don’t know what it is, but I’m here. I’ll keep knocking on this door until you let me in.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Huh?”

“Kota, you deserve so much better.” She’d already come to terms with her condition. She couldn’t impose it on him.

“Are you kidding? You know where I’ve been. What I am?—”

“Yeah, but?—”

His words came back from earlier in the day.

I hated growing up alone. I mean, it was probably for the best, but…I always wanted brothers and sisters. So hopefully,when I get married, we can have a houseful. At least four or five.

“You want a big family.”

One brow rose. “And that’s bad?”

Yes, it was. Because even though she knew there was no hope for them, he was the kind of guy who would try, and it wasn’t fair to steal all his hopes for a good future. And the only thing that would probably convince him to leave her in peace was the stark-naked truth.

“You need to find someone else, Dakota.”

He smiled one of those smiles that brought out his dimples. He tenderly swept a lock of hair behind her ear. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily. You saw me at my worst, and you still gave me a chance. I’m willing to do the same. So you fell for a jerk of a guy, got pregnant. My own romantic past isn’t squeaky clean by a long shot. But I think we still have something here. We could?—”

“No, we can’t, Dakota.” She pushed him away and stood. “I didn’t just get pregnant. I got an abortion. An abortion that wasn’t under the most sanitary of conditions. I was so stupid and desperate for a man who didn’t love me that I sacrificed my own child. Not only that, but the ability to haveanychildren, because my uterus became so infected I needed a hysterectomy. Now do you see why there’s no future here?” She pointed to the empty space between them.

Her voice had gotten loud, but Dakota stayed silent.

He didn’t have to say anything. The pain in his eyes was enough. The smile fell. The dimples faded away. His brows furrowed together. Finally, he was getting the message.

“So you see, I’ll be paying for the rest of my life for that choice, for getting caught up in a fantasy. This is why I need to find Scout. Search and rescue gives me a chance at trying to make up for it all. And this is why you should just forget anyidea of there being an ‘us.’ I deserve what I have. You deserve so much more.”

Her voice cracked, but she lifted her chin. She needed a strong front here. One he wouldn’t try to knock down. Because if anyone could, if anyone were stubborn enough, it would probably be Dakota Masterson who could find the weakness in her walls and bore through to the tender core of her heart only to be disappointed with what he found inside. And she couldn’t bear the thought of that.

Christian’s rejection had literally almost killed her. So it was better this way.

“We’re not far from the base. If you don’t mind bringing my car back, I’m going to walk.” She turned and walked away.

“So, you’re leaving?” He ran up to her.

“It’s for the best.” She kept walking.

---