“You aren’t.”
William came to a halt upon the bridge where the churning river below kept the stones eternally damp. “You are stupidly confident.”
“No, I trust you,” Nicholas argued and the words, so simple, warmed him. “The stories you shared of your family, I don’t need to spend time with them to know what they think of you. They care for you, even this version you so despise, that you believe is so changed.”
“I have changed.”
“All things change,” Nicholas continued. “Transformation, remember? You are kind, even if you believe you are not. You love your romance books, even if at times you find them silly. And you cannot help but garner the attention of a certain troublesome fae.”
He leaned against the bridge. “I suppose that will never change.”
“It will not.” Nicholas hopped onto the parapet. He swayed, then steadied, walking with hands outstretched. Then he fell on his butt to let his legs sway. “Join me,” he said, patting the stone beside him.
“So you can push me?” He asked.
“I already saw you wet today, my wicked. The next time I want it to be under different circumstances. Now, come here.”
Warmth spread behind his cheeks from far more than the rum. Taking another drink, he swung onto the parapet where Nicholas tugged him closer so they were arm to arm. Their legs dangled above the river, the water sprinkled with feathered white lights of the stars.
“You were calmer than I expected today,” William said.
“Was I?” Nicholas knocked his heel against the stones. “I suppose so. My head is clearer than it has been of late.”
“Does that happen often?”
“Every few days, I think. Before, when the change began, I had episodes of delirium, you could call it. Now, I have less clarity every day.”
He lost more of himself every day, but he wouldn’t say that. William didn’t want to hear it either. Words carried strength. To hear the truth aloud solidified it, made it less bearable, made the future feel inevitable.
“Sometimes, like right now, I think I’m able to grasp my situation. I know I’m growing more erratic, that my thoughts can drift with such ease and I’m not entirely in control.” Nicholas’ smiles once belonged to one who didn’t know love and did their best to mimic the emotion. But that had changed too because when William looked at him, he felt full.
“I’m a danger to myself, but most of all, you,” Nicholas continued. His words faltered. He faced the river. “You’re all I can think about most days, all I can dream about, and that has me making less than spectacular decisions.”
“You don’t say,” he teased.
Nicholas nudged him. “Don’t mock me when we’re having such a serious moment. We won’t have many more in the future, I imagine.”
That sobered him up quickly.
“It isn’t just you, though.” Nicholas held out his hands, touching fingertip to fingertip. “Before, I knew I was strong. I felt a power in me no other mimicked, but now? William, I can’t explain it.”
He stretched his fingers over the river and the water rippled, as if Nicholas willed the river itself to bend to his will. A wave surged to lick their heels, then settled as if the water fell asleep.
“I feel as if I’m connected to everything, that I’m absorbing the energy from the stars themselves.”
Nicholas was strong before. He stood against Fearworn. He battled shadowed disciples and monsters, but this felt different. William tasted it in the air, sultry and sick.
“You’re stronger than ever,” William muttered, wondering what more Nicholas could do, what he may do in the future.
“Undoubtedly, but I don’t know how to utilize this strength or what would happen if I tried. In a way, I’m grateful you’re all I think of, otherwise I could so easily follow in Fearworn’s footsteps.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I could tear this city apart if I really wanted, if you asked it of me.” Nicholas caught him by the chin, forcing their eyes to meet. “You understand that, don’t you? That from here on out, you can order anything of me and I’d obey.”
He liked Nicholas’ touch, the brush of his fingertips and the sound of his voice and how close they were. Nicholas’ warmth bled deep into his bones, where he wished it to stay forever.
“I tried ordering you to leave earlier and you wouldn’t,” he said.