“Yes, so we followed one. There’s a scar in the sewers. Whatever they are doing, they are doing it in Faerie,” he said.
“Which we wouldn’t have discovered if you were in charge,” Evera chimed in. “You’re a danger, as we’ve just seen. Keep him around and I may not be here to stop him the next time.”
“No, I…” The words congealed on his tongue. Evera was right. He may have killed Richard, may have forced William’s hand, and then what would happen? Would he have hurt William next?
“If my patients are being taken to Faerie, then I have to go.” William kept a firm hold on his brother’s arm. “And unfortunately, I need a guide, which I imagine you won’t be unless coerced.”
Evera snapped her fingers and nodded.
Richard held up his hands. “Wait, let’s take a moment. You cannot go to Faerie to chase these shadowed disciples. You aren’t in the military anymore, William.”
“They’re my patients.”
“And you will care for them once they are found.”
“By who? Do you believe King Ellis will look for them?” William challenged. “Or will he want to cover this up to not incite a panic? We all are suspecting the same thing, aren’t we? That Fearworn is involved, somehow, and the kings won’t want to admit to that. They may even send a force to ensure my patients are dead so they can’t speak of what transpired.”
“That doesn’t mean you should go,” Richard countered. “You were gone so long. To leave again, and to another realm, I… you can’t. Please, don’t.”
“I have to.” William lowered the knife reluctantly. “We have to.”
“What of Mother?” Richard whispered.
“I won’t tell her I’m going to Faerie. I’ll tell her I’m going on a work trip.”
Richard guffawed. “You want me to lie?”
“We’re both good at it.”
Richard gave William a hurt look, then stormed out of the office, even passing Nicholas without so much as a flinch.
“May I have a moment alone with Nicholas?” William asked.
He would be pleased if he were foolish enough to believe William had anything but ill will to share. Evera left without a fuss. The door shut, separating them from the world.
William wouldn’t meet his eyes. He clenched and unclenched his fists. “Be honest, being together as often as we have these last few days has encouraged your condition, hasn’t it?”
“My condition,” he repeated. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play coy.”
But he needed to play coy. He couldn’t explain this wanting, no, this need, as if he needed to be fused to William entirely. As if he needed to crawl beneath William’s skin and become part of him. Addiction did not do this feeling justice, but obsession reminded him of Fearworn.
“Is encouraging my love for you such a problem?” he whispered.
“It is if that encouragement leads to this.” William gestured to the blood on the floor. “I was foolish to think we could test this out, that somehow I would be the one to put the pieces together and… cure you, for lack of a better word.” William laughed, an entirely hollow sound. “Just the other night you said you wanted to be a part of my family, but you call them obstacles and you attack someone merely for being near me.”
“I didn’t know he was your brother.”
“That doesn’t make it better.” William threw the knife onto the desk. “You said becoming Fearworn was your greatest fear. Now, here you are, having changed like him, even if not for the same reasons. I will not forgive myself if I am the reason you lose a little more of yourself each day. If returning to Faerie means you may have a better life, then that is what you should do.”
A pain struck him that made his voice meek. “You wish me gone?”
William didn’t answer. He wished to say William needn’t worry. He wanted to promise they would be happy together forever, that nothing would ever go wrong. If he could spew a string of lies to ease William, he would. They would be painfully sweet and everything they ever wanted. But alas, fae were truly cursed. They could riddle their way through lies, but a man like William would catch the truth. He would see through Nicholas’ foolish attempts, so it left him having to share the truth.
Nicholas spoke carefully, honestly, in a way he hadn’t felt for quite a while. Maybe ever. But William deserved honesty, and maybe he genuinely wanted to tell the truth. At least there was someone he never wanted to lie to, never wanted to cheat or scam.
“I am scared, William,” he said. “Scared of what I might do, what I could do, what I’m willing to do to have you, but nothing will stop my yearning for you. I will run to you wherever you go. The wretched Souls you mortals so love could not separate us.”