Page 99 of The Kings of Kearny

“I understand,” I said. I’d want to stick around for Jennifer, too, if she were my mother.

We fell quiet as I walked the rest of the way to my car. There was so much I wanted to say to him, to ask him, but I couldn’t seem to find the words. It was one thing to agree with Nick that I needed to take a step back, another thing to hold to that when talking to Jakob. I could feel my willpower slipping. The low rumble of his voice brought back too many memories: him whispering delicious sexual threats into my ear our first night together; us snapping at each other outside Magnolia; his deranged smile when he asked me if his psychosis turned me on. It all made me want to stick around a little longer to see what he would do next.

That and the physical pull he seemed to have on me. I was keyed-up again with no outlet to vent all my fear and anger and anxiety, and I needed another hit of life. I needed to revel in the fact that Redding hadn’t gotten to me. Stripping Jakob naked and tracing all his glorious muscles with my tongue seemed like a great way to achieve that.

But was that healthy? I’d taken a couple of psy-ops courses in the military. I knew enough about human psychology to understand that we craved the unknown. It was why so many people were glued to their social media accounts. It was less a popularity contest and more brain hacking. What would we see when we logged in? Ten likes? Twenty? Or none? The fear of the unknown kept us coming back for more, and the endorphin spikes we got from it were quickly turning us all into addicts. It was the same reason that some women were attracted to unstable assholes—not because they liked being treated like shit but because they couldn’t resist the draw of the unknown.

Was that what this was between Jakob and me? He didn’t treat me like shit, but he was definitely unpredictable.

I reached my car and stopped, breathing deeply, solidifying my will. I needed to step back. At the very least, I needed a couple of stress-free days to unwind from this insanity and unpack all my feelings. Only with a clear head could I really know how I felt about Jakob, and my head was far from clear right now.

“I’m at my car,” I told him. “I assume you want me to meet you so you can follow me back to your parents’ house?”

“Yeah, but first I want you to drive by where I’m parked so I can make sure the feds aren’t following you.”

“Good thinking,” I said. After everything that happened today, I didn’t think I would ever trust anyone again, and I was glad for once that he was three steps ahead of me.

I climbed into my car and followed Jakob’s directions. He was still tracking me through GPS.

“Take the next road on your left,” he said.

I made the turn.

“I’m in the lot to your right. Keep driving straight. When you get to the end of the street, make a left and then circle back around.”

I raised my hand and waved to him as I passed.

“Hi,” he said. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Tears filled my eyes. “I’m glad I’m okay too,” I said, wondering why I was lying to him.

I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t okay at all.

Chapter Twenty-Four

We got off the phonewhen it was clear that no one was trailing me. Jakob drove the bugged van, no doubt so his father could track us both, and I kept picturing Liam bent over a phone screen, watching our little GPS dots bounce around Hermannsburg like an old-school arcade game.

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