Page 15 of What did you do?

That was the first day I realized how hard everything would be.

I remember one day, not long after that, when Saracen’s gorgeous monarch butterfly wings had appeared at her back in the garden behind my house. Eli had been red as a beet while she yelled at him for skipping his courtly duties. Instead, he had snuck in to visit me and run through the fields of poppies, where we used to race the falcons across the big meadow.

It was Eli’s favorite thing to do.

I only knew a few things about faeries at that time: fae that have wings are usually of a royal bloodline of some sort, and they generally only release them when they feel something so strongly that it takes over their system. It is completely out of their control, and it’s usually a sure sign something bad and dangerous is about to happen.

At least in my experience.

Queen Saracen had been so mad at me for distracting Eli, she had threatened to put a magical block on the portals, barring Eli from reentering the human realm to see me. She didn’t, of course.

Not then anyway.

He returned a few weeks later, but that afternoon, she had left with Eli in such a rush, I had been upset for days. Was she going to hurt him? Would they come back? Would she be so mad she would take away Miss Claire? I would be left completely alone.

As far as the system and anyone else was concerned, I didn’t exist. It had been the only way to keep the state and everybody else from questioning who was actually caring for me. Queen Saracen had erased any evidence that I had ever existed.

It worked well—so well that no one ever came and tried to take me away or see me.

I had been beside myself when they left that day, wishing more than anything that I could go to the golden castle and tell her it had been my fault and not Eli’s.

But I couldn’t.

No matter how badly I wanted to be with them, I just couldn’t.

Humans were forbidden from entering the fae realms—they had been having problems with humans trying to assassinate royalty. So instead of being able to go to the Seelie realm, Idrowned my worries in pistachio ice cream, needing it to give me everything the people in the commercial had felt.

I loathed it.

The second the sharp, faulty sweetness touched my taste buds, Idespisedit. It was a terrible, false flavor masquerading as something wonderful. Pistachio was disgusting, but still I forced myself to eat the entire tub of disappointment. Every single bite reminded me of something I couldn’t have, couldn’t feel. It reminded me of how strong my commitment to the plan needed to be. How important it was that I didn’t falter.

From then on, pistachio was the only ice cream I ate, remembering each and every time the foul taste touched my tongue that I needed to be strong so I could finally be with my family. Only then would I experience the loving feeling of those in the commercial.

That was kind of how I felt now as I stared at the golden castle—the castle that I had spent my entire life trying to get to.

I stood on the brick path of the field and stared at the obnoxious golden monument. The sun pelted off the shimmering gold turrets and shot straight in my eyes, blinding me.

I couldn’t help the nagging feeling of disappointment that had settled in my belly.

I could do this. I had to—for them.

But it was too large, too bright.

Too…happy.

I had thought a feeling of happiness would flood me or that I would immediately get a feeling of accomplishment.

In the short walk from the portal in the royal forest to the front entrance of the Seelie castle, it seemed as though the sun had focused on burning my skin, giving it an unpleasant pink hue I’d only seen on baby hippos. It was obvious that this was not the same sun I was accustomed to in the human realm.

“Once we get inside, I’ll ask the monarch witch to spell your skin with some protection from the sun,” Eli said sympathetically as he made a face at my neon-pink forearms.

I nodded in response, unsure of what else to say.

Having spent a significant stretch in the Unseelie realm, predominantly in the dungeon and inside the Unseelie castle, my eyes and skin had grown even more accustomed to darkness.

Much like my taste in men apparently.

“You okay?” Eli asked, grabbing my hand as we both stared at the giant castle’s entrance.

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