Page 34 of What did you do?

“You needn’t convince me of anything, Calypso,” Eli said softly.

“I didn’t love him…but I could have. I was starting to before I…before I…” I could feel each stone from the wall I’d so carefully built beginning to tumble down. “Before I murdered him.”

Thunk.The last brick of my fortress fell with the assistance of mead. I was a horny, crying, angry, drunk assassin—a terrible combination.

“It’s okay, Cal. It’s just me here. You don’t need to be ashamed of anything. I can’t imagine how hard this has all been on you. We haven’t even talked about you being Artemi. I didn’t know you knew.” He moved to the other side of the bed like he was going to hug me.

A torrent of salty tears poured from my eyes. “You can’t imagine. Do you know the most fucked-up part, Eli? Do you? After all these years, the only reason I’ll fail is because of you,” I yelled, picking up a crystal bottle from the nightstand and hurling it at the wall and then continuing with whatever was in reach.

“Because of me?” Eli repeated calmly, not flinching as I threw every breakable object I could get my hands on.

“Yes! I need to destroy the castle and everyone in it.” Out of objects to smash, I moved for one of the large windows.

Eli intercepted me, grabbing both my wrists and holding them tightly.

Shit.Not the wrist holding again.

“Destroy everyone in it?” He held me firm as I growled and tried to free myself.

“All except you! And that’s why I’ll fail. You’ve made me weak,” I screamed, my voice bouncing off the walls of the semidark room.

He blocked my kick to his groin with surprisingly fast reflexes.

I doubt he could even understand my words the way they ripped out of my throat in great heaves and bellows. “I need to go to Moirai.” I froze. Even in the state of mind I was in from the mead, I knew I had never wanted to say that out loud.

“Moirai? Okay, remind me never to get an assassin drunk.” Eli’s grip softened. “You are talking nonsense. You need to go to bed.”

I tried to head-butt him, but he avoided it like it was nothing.

“Mendax was so different from what you both described,” I blubbered on. “He was kind and mysterious! It was just so… He saw through me! He saw every little dark shadow inside of me. And even seeing all of me, knowing I was there to kill him, he still couldn’t stop himself fromwanting me. He—he was unhinged for me! The evil fuck loved me just as I was. Every dark nook that I was embarrassed of and hid from you guys, he ached for! How could I not have felt something for him?” I stopped my physical assault and sunk even deeper into my words, letting myself believe Eli held my hands out of comfort instead of restraint. “When I pressed the blade into him and I had finally completed my last order, I thought the evil and hate in me would leave, Eli—that everything I had done would somehow change me, make me finally feel normal, like you guys. But the dark corners only grew. They took root and then added smoke. I hate that I had to kill him!” I wailed as I lost myself in a rare burst of hysterics.

“Shhhh, it’s okay,” Eli whispered. His breath tickled the wisps of hair around my forehead, reminding me who it was who was hearing my broken rant.

At some point, Eli had pulled my angry, upset body into his and folded his arms and wings around me in a tight, solid hug-cocoon. He hadn’t gotten upset at my confession, it seemed. His sole focus seemed to be comforting me as he continued to hold me and whisper soft, undecipherable words that cascaded over my forehead.

“I’m just…so confused,” I mumbled softly as I deflated into the damp, tearstained fabric on his warm chest.

“It’s okay, Cal. Anyone would be confused with all of that. Maybe you did love him, and that’s okay.” His hand gently held my head to his chest, stopping the loud protest I was about to make. “But even if you didn’t see it then, he was a truly horrible man, you understand me?” He tilted my chin up andlooked deep into my tear-filled eyes. “He would have killed you eventually, Calypso. But of course he loved you. He would have been a fool not to, and Mendax was many awful, terrible things, but a fool was not one of them.”

He put my head back against his concrete-hard chest. I could feel the strong, steady thump of his heart against my cheek, the heat of his body causing even more confusion inside of me.

“It kills me to think that you are struggling with all of this alone, Cal. You don’t ever need to hide anything from me. And just so you are aware, I could be unhinged for you too.”

“You don’t know what I’ve done for her, Eli.” I shuddered.

He looked hard at me for a moment, searching my eyes for something. “And you don’t know whatI’vedone for her,” he whispered as his arms tightened around me.

When I had first started takingorders from Saracen, as a teenage girl, I learned very quickly—and unpleasantly—how strong and awful the fae could be if they got to you first. I stopped letting that happen. I found it much easier—and I suppose a bit more rewarding—to take my marks out in a different way, when they least suspected it. I learned to be whatever that individual least suspected to be dangerous. It became a game and a way to release some of my pain and anger.

Queen Saracen and I agreed that the explanation for my power would be that she had blessed me with a bit of Seelie magic for saving her life. This strange and amazing gift caused animals to be drawn to me. That’s what we would say until it was time to tell everyone I was Artemi. We had to hide it from everyone somehow, and Saracen was happy to take the credit.She had even convinced them it was a Seelie royal gift of hers that had skipped them, just as shifting into a fox skipped her.

The truth was, my magic always made me feel bad for the animals. If they understood what a horrible person I was, I knew they wouldn’t be drawn to me anymore. It was only the Artemi powers that attracted them.

I groggily lifted my head, and a shock of cold air hit my warm, damp cheek. My eyes began to adjust. Where was I?

Gold renaissance-style swirls covered the expansive, white walls. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and methodically marked everything’s location on a map in my mind: a great white fireplace in the corner. One large four-poster bed. A wardrobe against the wall near a few other small tables. Broken porcelain and glass everywhere. Two large, arched windows with cream-colored satin curtains. Two doors, one an exit, one a bathroom. Nearest one about twenty paces to my left.

Deep reddish-orange sun poured through the windows, causing odd shadows to hang in the corners of the room. The small crackling fire caused the shadows to move in deceptive shapes. Eli must have lit the fire last night.

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