Page 20 of Never Been Shipped

“Sure,” Frankie said. “Add it to the list. Where’s Micah?”

In my bed.“Resting. She wasn’t feeling well.”

“Yeah, she didn’t look great. I hope she’s better by tomorrow morning.”

“I think it was just a bit of seasickness,” John said.

Frankie regarded him in a way that immediately made him squirm. It felt like they’d always seen through everyone from the very start, going all the way back to high school when they’d once spotted Micah making out with a girl by her locker and they’d turned to John and said,This must bekillingyou.

“You really didn’t keep in touch, all these years?”

John shrugged. “I reached out a couple times.” He could’ve tried harder, and he knew it. But what was he supposed to do, if she didn’t answer his text messages, if she turned him away the one time he’d tried to make contact in person? He wasn’t going to force it.

He’d said he didn’t hate her, and he meant that. He wasn’t even angry anymore. But there had been a time when hehadbeen, when he hadn’t been able to understand why she’d detonated something that had blown up in all their faces. Why she hadn’ttalkedto him about it before, or even afterward. He knew that the prevailing theory among fans—hell, the prevailing theory among theband, since they’d never been told otherwise—was that she wanted a solo pop career so badly she’d stepped right over them to get there. That was what John had believed at the time, with no evidence to believe anything to the contrary.

But the more time that passed, the more he saw how that just didn’t make anysense. Micah had never talked about wanting to be a star on her own. If anything, she’d always seemed genuinely grateful to have a group around her, had gone out of her way to share the spotlight even when the record label and the press and everyone else seemed determined to shove her out front and center as the main face of the band.

“How about you?” he asked.

“Yeah, I also tried. I sent congratulations when her record came out, which in retrospect she probably thought was sarcastic, but I really meant it. And of course I texted her when she didPlayboy, just to tell her the spread was hot and check to see how she was doing. She did say thank you to that one, but not much else.”

John felt his face heat, and he turned back toward the water, letting his hood block Frankie from view. Micah had done an interview withPlayboyonly a few months after the band’s breakup. It had been the first official announcement that the band was done, which had caused quite the stir—along with the photos.

He’d never seen them. He’d gone out of hiswayto never see them, although he’d found a text-only version of the interview on a fan page for the band, the one and only time he’d ever visited that kind of site. The tone had been…defiant. There was a veryfuck itquality to Micah’s answers that had seemed at the time to back up the idea that she was done with her old life, was ready to start completely over.

There had been one answer that had gotten to him. He could still remember the exact phrasing.ElectricOh! gave me a lot of firsts. Those will always mean something to me—some of them more than others.

Some of them more than others? What was that about?

“I always thought the timing of that interview was odd,” Frankie said.

“How so?”

Frankie pursed their lips, tilting their head. “It was what, a year before her solo album came out? Maybe more? There wasnothing for her to promote. It would’ve made more sense to do a big feature like that closer to the release date, to build buzz. She got to announce the band breakup, but to what end? We could’ve done that with a press release.”

“Well.” John placed his hands on the railing of the ship, letting the cold metal sting his palms until he withdrew and put his hands back in his hoodie pockets. “Micah always did whatever she wanted.”

There was no bite to his words, and he hoped Frankie knew how he meant it. That had always been one of Micah’s best qualities, to him. He could admire it even when he’d been hurt by it.

But Frankie had a point. The timing of doing such a big, splashy interview, the photos that seemeddesignedto be incendiary, that defiant tone…yeah, it did seem strange.

He tried to remember when exactly she and Ryder had broken up. If the start of their relationship had always been shrouded in a bit of secrecy, the end had its own mystery surrounding it. In his mind, it had happened almost simultaneously with the breakup of the band, but it must’ve happened eitherbeforeorafter. And suddenly it seemed like the answer to that question could unlock all of it.

“Who ended things?” he asked. “Her, or Ryder?”

“To hear Ryder tell it, he did,” Frankie said. “But you know that doesn’t mean much.”

It didn’t mean shit. But then, maybe none of it did. It had all happened so long ago.

The lighting changed, going dark before a cheer went up from the crowd on the deck below, a burst of colored lights sweeping over the ship that indicated the Silver Cuties wereabout to take the stage. There were people lined up against the railing that looked over the stage below, so John and Frankie had no chance of getting any closer, but they at least turned around so they could face the show. The air was still bitingly cold against John’s cheeks, making the tip of his nose feel numb, but at least the ship wasn’t moving as much as it had been earlier. He wished suddenly that Micahwouldcome out to see the show. She’d always loved watching live music. It had been one of their most formative bonding experiences.

“Do you remember that pit at the Warped Tour?” John said to Frankie.

“Oh my god,” Frankie said. “I thought we were going to die. Like, were all the steel-toed boots and spiked braceletsnecessary? Didn’t you get a black eye?”

“No, but Micah—” John started, then remembered. That’s right. Hehadblamed the black eye on the show. “That was the most scared I’ve ever been in a pit.”

“She put us in so many situations that looking back now, I’m like uh-uh. Nowaywould I try even half that shit. Hell, these days my ideal show involves assigned seating and a preposted schedule of the exact time each band will go on.”

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