Page 84 of Never Been Shipped

“I realized I knew you did,” he said. “Even before your song, although that was the biggest gift. I’ve always felt your love, Micah, in every form it’s taken. I don’t take it for granted.”

She appreciated that, but she was still going to get all the words out, because she’d thought about them so much in the last couple weeks and she wanted to make sure she actually said them. “I think when things seem too easy, I don’t trust them. Even our song—‘If Only’—for years I’ve felt like it wastooeasy. Do you know what I mean? The way it came together, the way it blew up like it did. I didn’t feel like I deserved it, I didn’t feel like I’dearnedit.”

John started to say something, probably to assure her that ofcourse she’d earned it, to remind her of how hard they’d worked at every part of their early career. But she was worried she was going off track already, and she didn’t want to get any further derailed.

“When you told me you loved me, it just seemed like…fuck, it can’t be thiseasy, can it? There has to be some catch, some pitfall that I’m just not seeing. MaybeI’mthe pitfall. It can’t be as easy as just…being with you.”

“Micah,” John said, giving her a crooked smile. “You have to know that, when it comes to you, I’m incredibly easy.”

It was obviously meant as a joke, something lighthearted, but she shook her head because that was exactly what she wanted him to see. “That’s the thing,” she said. “My whole life, everything has felt like…I don’t know. A closed fist. Like I’m trying to hold on so tight, like I’m on the defensive, ready to throw a punch. Butyou, you’ve always made me feel like I can just…let go. Uncurl my fingers. Open up my hand. Does any of this make sense?”

His eyes were a little shiny, and he had to swallow before answering when it was clear she was waiting for him to. “It makes sense.”

“You’re the best person I know,” she said. “You’re kind and thoughtful and funny and warm and honest, you’re a great friend, you’re so talented—I love every part of you, John, and Iwantevery part of you that you’ll give me.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Especially my—”

She reached up to tickle his neck right under his ear, where she knew she could get him to squirm. “The twenty-four hour rule is still in place,” she said. “And Ireallywant to take you upstairs and have my way with you, so please don’t ruin it.”

“I won’t,” he said, still laughing. “I’ll be good. Fuck, I just really love you, Micah. I have for so long.”

She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Then it’s a good thing you’re here,” she said. “Because I really fucking love you, and I plan on loving you for a very long time.”

“Speaking of a long time,” John said, gesturing down to the grocery bags at her feet. “Is that ice cream? We should put it away before it melts.”

She liked the way he already said that—we. He ended up grabbing his luggage while she handled the groceries, and she led him up the steps to her apartment, balancing one of the bags against her leg while she dug through her purse.

“Oh, one more thing,” she said as she finally got her key out and inserted it into the lock. “I should probably warn you—”

When she pushed the door open, it was to reveal the disarray she’d left her living room in, piles of stuff everywhere, stacks of boxes in one corner. She still had her couch and TV, but she’d already given away her dining table and chairs, so there was a conspicuously empty space where they used to be.

He set his luggage down, seeming to take it all in. “You’re moving?”

“I fell for a guy who lived across the country,” she said. “California seemed too far away.”

John ran a hand over his face, giving a little laugh. “I guess this is what we get for both wanting to surprise each other, huh? A real ‘Gift of the Magi’ situation.”

“Don’t even bring that up,” Micah said. “Why did Mrs. Allen always assign themosttraumatizing stuff?”

“She was an emotional sadist,” John said, but he already sounded distracted, looking around at the remnants of her lifefrom the past decade. There was a shelf filled with records, a picture of her and Hailey propped on top of it. She’d painted the walls a warm pink, and she had a row of her most sun-needy plants lined up on the south-facing windowsill. She’d spent so long thinking of this apartment as some kind of tower room, where she could isolate from the outside world, that she sometimes forgot that it had also been a haven. It had been what she’d needed it to be, a safe space that was hers alone. She was proud of the home she’d made.

John reached down to pick up the grocery bags at her feet and took them into the kitchen, where he started unpacking everything on the stovetop.

“So when do you have to be out?”

“End of the month,” she said, automatically grabbing each item to put it away where it belonged. “Mr. Li actually bought the apartment for his son and his family. They just had their first baby, so Mr. Li will get to see his grandkid every day. I know he’s really excited about it.”

She glanced over to give him a sideways smile, but he’d moved to stand in front of the fridge, still holding the pint of ice cream in his hand like he’d already forgotten why he was there. He was looking at the picture of them she’d stuck to the front of the fridge with a magnet, and he touched his finger to where her teen self sat cross-legged in the grass, then to his own laughing face.

“I wonder what we were talking about,” he said.

“What were weevertalking about,” she said, reaching around him to grab two spoons out of the drawer, then taking the ice cream from his hand. “Probably music.”

“Always music,” he said. “Speaking of which, I had an idea for that first track on your EP—a way we could get a little cheekywith some pop production stuff. If you were open to it. Obviously it’s your song.”

She opened the ice cream and handed him a spoon, leaning back against the counter as she took her first bite. “I intended them to beoursongs,” she said. “And I would love to work with you on them, and write more together. Once we, you know, figure out where we’re going to live. Is your room back in Orlando still available?”

John dipped his own spoon into the ice cream, which was the perfect level of softness to let him easily scoop a generous amount. “I’m pretty sure Asa was measuring it to put a drafting table in there by the time I was at the airport.”

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