Page 104 of Everything's Coming Up Rosie

I’m not sure how to reconcile that.

I don’t know how much time passes, because passion doesn’t wear a watch, and when I finally pull back, I let my gaze fall to his chest because I feel like I’ve revealed more of myself than I intended.

“Yep. I knew it,” he says.

I try to silence my pounding heart, but I’m sure people can hear it down the block.

“Knew what?”

“Kissing you would be amazing.”

I draw my eyes to his. “Oh... you’ve thought about it?”

“Not a ton,” he says with a flirty shrug. “Only every single day since I picked you up at the bus station.”

I press my lips together to try to conceal a persistent smile. “But why? I only had eyes for Roberto.”

He laughs and tucks my hair behind my ear, his hand lingering on my neck. “And for the record, there’s nothing casual about the way I feel about you, Rosie.” He steps back, pushing a hand through his hair. “I know that probably freaks you out. It kind of freaks me out too. I know all the reasons this doesn’t make sense... I shouldn’t like you this much already.”

“I know what you mean.” I take a step away, letting the door of my cottage close. “But... I’m still leaving.”

He steps toward me. “Can we pretend?”

“I don’t want to pretend. Not with you.” I screw my eyes shut because all at once I’m afraid they might give me away.

He takes my hand and gives a gentle tug. I don’t resist, mostly because I like the way it feels to keep him close. He kisses me again, this time so sweetly it makes me want to cry. Because this is what I want. Isn’t this what everyone wants?

To love and be loved? To share life with a person who knows all of the things you don’t say out loud and chooses you anyway?

But—and I remind myself of this again—Booker is not that person for me.

Booker isn’t going to suddenly decide to leave Bertie and move to New York. And as much fun as I’m having, directing shows for senior citizens in Wisconsin isn’t my dream.

The thought assaults my mind and I pull back.

“Can we just... see?” he asks.

“Or maybe we go back to being friends?” This shouldn’t be that hard. I’ve only known Booker a few weeks. Never mind that it only took days for me to realize he was different.

“Uh... I don’t think I can.”

The air between us is charged.

“Yeah,” I half laugh. “That was a stupid thing to suggest.” Myshoulders slump at the realization that we’re at a crossroads and I don’t want to choose a path. I just want to sit here with him for as long as I can.

“Maybe we don’t need to figure it all out right now,” he says. “Maybe we just keep hanging out and see where it goes?”

“Like, live in the moment?”

He shrugs as if to say,“Might not be the worst plan.”

But I’m not so sure. Actors are trained to stayin the momentin classes and in scene work. Can I do that in my real life, even though it goes against my nature? I’ve always been a person who operates with a plan. This—me and Booker—wouldn’t have a plan. But it would have an end date. Normally, knowing that would make me run the other way. Better to protect my heart from what I see coming for it.

So why do I hear myself say, “We can try?”

“Okay.” He smiles. “I’m all for trying.”

And as he leans in to kiss me again, I note that Booker Hayes is under my skin, on my mind, and pushing my buttons. Not in an annoying way. In an “I’m not sure I can keep my hands off him” kind of way.

---