Page 63 of Everything's Coming Up Rosie

The team. As I pan across the motley crew assembled here, I have to wonder if Cinderella will ever make it to her ball.

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Rosie:Tonight I broke into the Commons and ate grilled cheese with my housemate Daisy and a couple of the guys who work here. It reminded me of the time we had that lock-in at the high school and we caught Maya in the kitchen with the entire tray of brownies.??

It made me miss you guys, and I just wanted you to know.

Maya:If I remember right, you all plopped down on the floor with me and ate your fair share of those brownies.

Taylor:Now I want brownies. Think I can send Aaron to the store?

Rosie:You’re pregnant, so yes!

Marnie:I miss carbs.

Chapter 16

If my life were a movie—and it absolutely should be, and Ellie Kemper should play me—this would be the point in that movie where the viewer gets to watch a montage of old people auditioning for a performance ofCinderella.

It would be a comedy. And a tragedy.

From the man who got up and told dirty jokes for five minutes straight, to the woman who did a slow interpretative dance to the song “Defying Gravity” from the musicalWicked, to the brother-sister duo who did a magic act that reminded me a lot of a child covering his eyes and shouting, “Can’t see me! Can’t see me!”

It’s almost noon, and I’m hungryanddiscouraged. I didn’t expect Broadway-caliber auditions here, but I thought they would at least be able to sing. And, based on the way everyone talked about how well-loved the shows are, I thought there would be more people trying out.

The stage clears, and as a ventriloquist and her inappropriately dressed puppet make their way up the aisle, I slowly put my head in my hands.

Connie bustles in from the back. She leans in and quietly whispers, “So! How’s it going?”

Veronica leans in and whisper-yells, “They’re terrible. Terrible! Even the best choreographer in the world wouldn’t be able to work with this.”

“Oh.” Connie gives me a desperate look. “Is that true?”

I glance over the list of people who’ve auditioned. “I mean... it’s not...nottrue.”

“Are you ready for me to start?” The woman has set her ventriloquist dummy on a tall stool, and I can’t wait to hear what she’s going to make this thing say.

I hold up a finger. “One sec!”

Connie takes the list from me and looks it over. “I don’t understand. Where are the regulars? Evelyn? Sadie? What about the Margies? They all said they were auditioning.”

“Please tell me there are a bunch of women that live here that are all named Margie,” I kid.

“Oh, you’ve met them?” Connie says brightly.

I stifle a laugh. “You’re kidding.”

Connie continues, almost as an aside. “They formed a little club. It’s actually really sweet. They always do the shows.” She looks over the list. “But I don’t see their names anywhere on here.”

“This is all we’ve got,” I say. “I met some of them Friday when Booker showed me around, and they said they’d be here, but so far, we’ve mostly had—” I motion to the stage, and the woman with the dummy nods as if I’ve given her the go-ahead to start, and launches into her act.

“Well, hi there, Miss Loretta! How are you today?”

Arthur mutters an “Oh my dear Lord in heaven,” just before the woman starts to make the puppet’s mouth move, and at least I can claim that he and I have something in common—a disdain for puppets.

“Sexy as ever, Miss Kathleen!”

“You do look awfully sexy, Miss Loretta. Did you dress up for something special?”

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