Page 49 of You & I, Rewritten

“Are you kidding? I just devoured the most orgasmic burger with the most handsome man in the world. I’m a happy camper.”

“That’s awfully gracious of you, but you know what I mean.” Graham reaches across the table, taking my hand in his. “I never would have gone tonight, let alone taken you, if I knewhewas going to be there. I also realize that I should have told you about him before all of this went down, but you can see now why I didn’t.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Graham. Honestly, I was and still am just worried aboutyou…” I look down, tracing the lines of his strong hands. “Trust me, you’re talking to the king of wanting to keep certain parts of his family hidden. Without crossing any lines, can I ask what the situation is between the two of you?”

“First of all, you can always ask me anything you want. I know this is contradictory to tonight’s events and you must have a million questions now, but I do try to be an open book with you.” Graham shifts in his chair. Letting go of my hand, he takes a deep pull from his beer, and I watch him visibly exhale.

“Second of all, Luca is just…he’s just a dick, to put it bluntly. He is charming and kind when he needs something, but the second he gets whatever it was he needed, he lashes out at those who are closest to him, specifically my parents. He’s a user and an addict, but worst of all, he’s selfish.”

Knowing that we have this shared experience makes me all the more appreciative of the way Graham handled my own family drama. Going through all of this with his brother has clearly made him more empathetic to those around him.

“That must be incredibly hard on the entire family, especially your mother.”

“It was…it is. It kills me to know that he’s struggled all these years and I would giveanythingto take that away from him. But it’s heartbreaking to watch him take advantage of my parents’ kindness, because he knows what he’s doing.”

He leans back in his chair, crossing his muscular arms across his chest. As he’s describing his brother, I can’t help but think of my father and the rollercoaster his so-called love was.

“Growing up, nine out of ten holidays or family occasions were always turned into mini-interventions for him,” he continues, bitterness dripping off every word. “I love my parents, more than anything in this whole world, butheis their weakness, and he always has been. No matter the cost or the lengths, they will drop everything and anyone anytime he needs them. How can I fault them for that? Isn’t that what any good parent would do? But, well…they have two sons, and I needed parents, too.” Tears return to Graham’s eyes, the same ones that compelled me to wrap him in my arms earlier. His confession shatters my heart into a million pieces.

“Did you have a bad relationship with your parents growing up? The three of you seem so close now.”

“Of course not…my parents were and still are my biggest champions.” He takes another sip from his beer, and I do the same, the fullness of the ale doing nothing against the growing lump in my throat. “But I didn’t want to ever be anotherproblemfor them as they were clearly drowning in the toxic chaos that was Luca. So, I vowed to be the perfect one…the one who was holding it all together no matter what was going on in my personal life, to ensure that they didn’t feel like they needed to parent me.”

“I don’t think anything you could do would ever classify you as aproblem.”

“Will, I was the gay one…not that they knew it at the time, because I didn’t either,” he says, his voice cracking, “but I didn’t want to give my parents a single reason to not love me, so I kept all of that buried deep inside of me and just focused on being the perfect and reliable son. The one they could depend on.”

I have no words. I fight the urge to get up and hug him because hearing how he viewed himself as a child is devastating.

“I was so jealous of him,” he continues, the tears now flowing freely. “My entire life has been spent feeling jealous of an addict. And I hate myself for that…I still do. I played everything safe so as not to take a step over this imaginary line my parents had, but Luca on the other hand, he just ran wild with the life he’d been given. He caused chaos and drama and didn’t seem to have a care in the world about who he hurt along the way. Looking at it through my lens, that unbridled belief in himself…that unwavering faith in who he was despite all of his shortcomings…thatis what I was jealous of. I never had that growing up, and to be honest, I don’t know if I ever will.”

I’ve never felt so connected to another human being before this very moment. This is by far the most honest Graham has been with me, and the fact that he feels comfortable enough to be this vulnerable and trusting with his deepest truths is not lost on me.

“I can’t imagine how this heavy burden at such a young age made you feel or how it’s shaped the man you are today, but I hope you know that your life…the one thatyoubuilt and made for yourself…is yours to live as you see fit. You get to be the adult thatyouwant to be.” I reach back across the table and take his hands once more. Bringing them to my lips, I take in the man before me as I kiss them. The soft glow of the bistro lights is reflected in his watery eyes and in this moment of openness and transparency, he’s never looked more beautiful.

I stand up, forcing him to join me and wrap my arms around his waist. He buries his head in my neck and I inhale the sweet and spicy scent of him that I’ve come to love so much.

“Who you are is worthy of a life you love, my handsome man,” I whisper against his ear. “Who you are is someone to be proud of…I know I am. Despite everything that you’ve shared with me tonight and everything you’ve overcome to get to where you are today,thatman is someone I am in awe of.”

I gently place my hands on either side of his gorgeous face, moved by his vulnerability and strength, and place my lips to his. It’s quick and tender but full of all of the feelings I don’t yet have the words for. With him firmly in my arms and the lights around us starting to dim, I know definitively the lengths I would go to protect this man.

No matter what.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

After the intensityof last night’s fundraiser and the surprise introduction to Graham’s brother, Luca, I happily welcome the monotony of a busy morning at work. Graham spent the night with me, almost instantly passing out the moment our heads hit the pillow. And while I will never grow tired of seeing his gorgeous frame stripped naked and cuddled up in my bed, I stayed up half the night worrying about the weight he’s been carrying on his heart all these years.

For most of the morning, Graham has been behind closed doors with his father, which I can only imagine has been incredibly tense and emotional for the two of them. While it’s definitely not my place, I’m a little confused and disappointed that Mitch and Camila would tolerate that type of behavior. Even if it was by their son.

In between back-to-back meetings, my mind has involuntarily wandered to how growing up the way that he did impacted the man Graham is today. It explains so much, and my heart melts at the fact that he feels comfortable enough with me to be as open and vulnerable as he was last night.

Walking back from the conference room and discussing the remaining items needed for Lana’s book with Klair, the softdingof the elevator catches my attention.

What the hell?

“Dad?” I say, confused as the elevator doors spring open and out walks out my dad dressed in a very sharp suit and tie. “What are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t a man just come to check in on his boy?” he says, wrapping me in a tight bear hug, his eyes bright and full of warmth. I highly doubt he’s just popping in to check on me, but it’s great to see him regardless. “Hey, Klair Bear…well aren’t you just a sight for sore eyes,” he says, releasing me and quickly replacing me with his adoptive daughter.

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