Page 65 of Winging It with You

I think back to those first few months after graduating pilot training. The anxiety and stress of active duty. The newness of living away from home in an environment that couldn’t be more foreign to me.

The undeniable attraction that grew toward Ethan.

The more time I spent with him, the more it became clear that what I was feeling when I was with him was more than just friendship. He would listen to me ramble on about my day—like truly and genuinely listen, in a way that no one had before. He’d buckle over from laughter at all my jokes and light up whenever I walked into the room.

He made me feel special. Seen.

And eventually, he made me feel what I thought then was love.

When we sat side by side that October night on the old couch he helped me load into the back of my truck, everything changed. A random movie played in the background and the buzz of a few homemade margaritas made everything swirlaround us. When his thigh slowly grazed mine, I knew it was now or never.

Relief washed over me when he didn’t recoil from me leaning over to kiss him.

In fact, it was the most natural thing in the world. Almost as if the entire time he had been patiently waiting for me to come to my senses.

Kissing Ethan was everything I’d hoped it would be.

Slow and tender, like our hearts were choosing to take their time. His warmth was all-consuming and the more time my lips pressed against his, the more it became clear that Ethan and I could never go back to being just friends. His kiss awakened something in me. Something permanent and life-affirming, and when he pulled back slightly, mouthing,Finally, against my lips, I knew I was a goner.

After that first kiss, we dated in secret for just over a year.

It’s not that we were breaking any rules or afraid of what our teammates would think. We just desperately wanted to keep what we had only for us as long as we possibly could. And I was more than fine with that, because I’d never known happiness like being Ethan Carmichael’s boyfriend.

Until the rules changed, and he was promoted.

Because once he was promoted, he officially outranked me. And because he outranked me, us being together became a problem.

“How did you navigate all that?” Asher asks gently, leaning forward in his seat, eyes wide with curiosity.

“We had it all worked out. As soon as Ethan officially pinned on his new rank, we planned to speak to our fleet commander to inform her of our preexisting relationship.”

I can remember every detail of what happened next.

Asher, who is probably one of the most astute and observant individuals I’ve ever met, must sense the toll recounting this story is taking on me.

He squeezes my hand, a small but appreciated sign that he’s here.

“To make an incredibly long and heart-crushingly painful story short, a coworker, who had somehow learned of our relationship, had already beat us to the punch. By the time we were able to meet with our commander, we were already in violation for having an unprofessional relationship.”

“Stop.” Asher covers his mouth with his hands, his confusion mirroring how I’d felt at the time.

“Ethan and I were immediately put on no-contact orders—”

“Wait, what does that mean?” he interrupts, his eyebrows raised with concern.

“It means from one second to the next, I was legally forbidden to speak to, interact with, or be in the same room with Ethan. We were essentially ripped apart and barred from seeing each other during the one moment we needed the other most.”

Asher is quiet for a moment. A first. But then he places a hesitant hand on my forearm. “Theo…I don’t even know what to say.”

“Hold on, there’s more.”

But I have spent the better part of the last three years doing everything in my power not to think about what comes next.

It’s too painful.

“They conducted a full-blown investigation into the nature of our relationship.” I drop my gaze, picking at a stray thread on my backpack strap. “They started with an in-depth review of our entire military careers, all the way back to our individualofficer-training days in college. Then, they followed it up with invasive interviews with our mutual friends and colleagues. And when the time finally came, they sat me down.”

I can feel the all-too-familiar lump wedging itself deep in my throat as I prepare to talk about the worst day of my life.

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