Page 101 of Pucking Your Best Friend

“About the fact that dear Clemens is absolutely not innocent! He knows that you thought you were in a relationship back then. No. Hewasin a relationship with you. Damn, if a guy knows you even slightly, then he knows he isn’t having a hot affair but is in a serious relationship! He gaslighted you, in the name of making it easier for himself. He convinced you that you were wrong so that he would look better in front of his friends! So that all thewomen he probably fucked besides you wouldn’t get mad. So that he didn’t have to feel guilty.”

She blinked. “No. We never talked about it and…”

“Sometimes youdon’thave to talk about it because you know!”

She laughed dryly. “And that’s coming from you? Mr. Can’t-we-talk-about-it and I-can’t-read-your-mind?”

“That’s different!”

“It’s not. Clemens was actually a good guy, Matt. He was…my first big love. He wouldn’t have hurt me on purpose. I just didn’t get it, at the time.”

“Maddie,” Matt said seriously, “you’re one of the smartest people I know. You’re intuitive and you read people’s minds from their expressions. In what world would you notgetthat you’re a fuck buddy? Clemens knew that you hate arguments and that you have a hard time standing up for yourself. He took advantage of that by blaming you.”

“That’s not true!” she replied angrily.

“Yes, it is. Oh, good grief, do you still feel something for that clown? Why are you defending him?”

She groaned. “God, Matt…”

“That’s not an answer.”

“You’re getting unnecessarily worked up!”

“I’m not. I want to talk about what just happened.”

“But I don’t! For me, it’s over.”

“But it shouldn’t be.”

“You don’t get to decide whatshouldand shouldn’t be,” she shouted angrily. “Not inmylife.”

“I don’t want to decide, I merely want to help you…”

“But I don’t want your help right now, Matt.” She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. And when she opened them again, they gleamed suspiciously, her pupils larger than usual. “Shit. Is it always going to be like this? That you want to discusseverything, lead every argument, seek confrontation – whether it’s mine or yours – and I…defend myself?”

And then he saw it. The uncertainty in her eyes that he had been dreading for a week. The doubt if this was right.

His heart stopped.

“I hate arguing, Matt,” she whispered. “But most of all, I hate arguing withyou. So…can you just let it go? Give me some peace?"

He stared at her, his heart a block of ice.

He didn’t know if he could do that. He didn’t know if he could give her peace. Not in the way she probably wanted or needed.

He didn’t want to let the thing with Clemens rest. It was too important. Maddie had to know that she was innocent, that Clemens was an asshole, and that she had assessed the situation correctly – just like she always assessed everything correctly. Matt would never give up an argument simply because Maddie longed for peace. That wasn’t him. He wanted to discuss what there was to discuss. If you ignored dissatisfaction, it grew uncontrollably until it exploded.

This meant that they would argue, that even this argument wasn’t over, even though she wanted it to be. In a relationship, you couldn’t always give each other what the other person wanted.

Suddenly, his throat was incredibly tight.

It could be too much for her.

It might not work out because of that. She could change her mind in a year, kick him out of her life because she couldn’t stay friends with a man she had imagined her future with.

His eyes burned uncontrollably as he said the next words. He couldn’t lose her completely, though, and if that meant he could only have fifty percent of her and not a hundred percent, then that was okay.

“Maddie,” he murmured, “do you think we’d be better off as friends?”

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