Page 15 of Pucking Your Best Friend

Love each other if you can – we’ll take care of the how and when, it said. She was quite proud of it, even if the slogan was a bit old-fashioned. Maybe that was the reason they were attracting mostly seniors.

She would think about it. Maybe they needed to give Match Me! a new slogan. Maybe she could ask Lucy for help. She had a master’s in marketing, was a PR consultant, and knew about this kind of thing. Man, Maddie shouldn’t have studied social sciences. Then again, who knew if she would be able to read people so well if she’d gotten a degree in something else?

Sighing, she unlocked the door – Hailey was obviously not there – and was greeted by a loud cackle.

“Hey, Eggsy,” she greeted her pet chicken, which was sitting on a shelf on the wall directly across from Maddie’s desk. The chicken raised its head with mild interest at her words. Maddie didn’t take offense. The bird was old. Hailey had saved her from the soup pot and asked if she could live in the office for a while until she found a home for her. That was two months ago now. But, hey, they hardly had any clients anyway. Most of the little – very little – money they made came in from the website and the only people who wandered in here were people with hearing aids and coke-bottle glasses –no one had ever asked why a chicken was sitting on the shelf in their office.

Eggsy didn’t bother anyone, either. She was house-trained and went to the litter box in the corner. The only problem was if she…

A crack echoed through the room and Maddie’s bottom got cold, followed by something slimy wet running down her bare thighs.

“Oh no,” she whined loudly and jumped up from her office chair. It was too late. Bits of eggshell lined the seat and her bottom…and that’s when the door promptly opened.

“Here you are,” Hailey called out breathlessly. “I’ve been trying to reach you for hours and…oh.”

“Yes, oh,” Maddie confirmed. “Your hen laid another egg on my chair!”

“Yeah, it’s always so nice and warm there. Because you sit at your desk for far too long. You know you always have to look before you sit down.”

“I forgot,” she replied, pained, and threw her head back in annoyance.

How could this day get any worse? As if she needed any more signs that her life was a total disaster!

“No wonder Match Me! isn’t working,” she said, groaning. “We share the office with a damn mother hen!”

“Hey,” Hailey objected, looking at her angrily. “You’re hurting her feelings. Besides, you said it was okay to keep Eggsy here until I found her a home.”

“And you said she wouldn’t shit anywhere in here!”

“She doesn’t. She just lays eggs.”

“Which come out of the same orifice as everything else! God, chickens are weird. You’ve been looking for months now for a home for her.”

Guiltily, Hailey ran a hand through her curly black hair. “Yeah, finding a home for an old chicken in LA is a lot harder than I thought.”

“You don’t say. I bet I could find three butchers who’d offer theirhomesto her right away.”

Shocked, Hailey sucked in her breath. “You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I don’t mean it,” she said, trying for calm. “I love Eggsy and I love you, but I have raw egg hanging from my skirt!”

Hailey opened her mouth, surely to say something positive, as was her way. Probably something like: Hey, in Brazil, chicken slime brings good luck. But the next moment, she seemed to have an epiphany. “Oh, shit. The meeting didn’t go well, did it?”

Maddie slumped down at her office chair. “She chose Love Triumphs.”

“Oh no. That’s…chicken shit.”

“I know.”

“Does that mean we have to think of something else to generate business?” Hailey wrung her hands uncertainly. “Night shift?”

“No,” Maddie replied, exhausted. She glanced at the clock. It was already a quarter to six. “Let me sleep on it. Recuperate. Tomorrow morning we can start with renewed vigor and egglessskirts, okay? This day has worn me out.” She wouldn’t be able to get anything useful done now, anyway.

“Okay.” Hailey looked at her sympathetically before walking around the table and hugging her tightly. “We’ll get through this, okay? Together. Ms. Geller is a complete idiot. We would have found her true love within weeks. I know that. You’re not alone,” she whispered.

No, she wasn’t. However, she was the one who had pushed Hailey to give up herformer, secure job to venture out with her. If they failed, the guilt would be unbearable. “Sure,” she said anyway, putting as much confidence into her voice as possible. “I’m sure I’ll feel better after I’ve showered and had a cocktail.”

“I think so, too. Go on then. I’ll clean up the mess.”

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