Page 82 of Pucking Your Best Friend

“I didn’t…” He ran his hand nervously through his hair. “It wasn’t that I was jealous, even though I was. You…” He gritted his teeth and looked at her reproachfully. “You’re confusing me!”

“I’m not doing anything!” she said in disbelief.

“Yes! You’re standing there looking at me expectantly as if I have all the answers.”

“I don’t wantallthe answers, I just want to know why you kissed me. Just when things were slowly getting back to… normal.”

Matt laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. “Have you been living in a parallel universe for the last few days?”

She snorted and looked away. “So, that’s what you wanted to argue about, right?” she asked, raising her chin. “That it’s still not normal? So you thought; Hey, let me kiss Maddie, then everything will be like it used to be.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t think anything except that I wanted to kiss you, okay? I don’t know if I want everything to be like it used to be, Maddie,” he said.

Her heart almost dropped into her stomach. “What?” She hated how high and brittle her voice sounded. “I don’t understand, Matt. I know you were mad because I told everyone we had sex, but I apologized and…”

“Maddie,” he interrupted loudly, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor. “Do you honestly think that was the only reason I was mad?”

“Well, on the way back…”

“Yeah, it upset me. But that wasn’t why I was furious. Am furious.”

She swallowed. “Then why?”

He gritted his teeth and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “When something not too significant but interesting happens, you tell your friends, right?” he quoted her coolly.

Her mouth went dry. Okay. Maybe that had been a little harsh. She’d been having trouble putting their night together into perspective. “You’re the one who left your own bed to get some space, Matt. That wasn’t me.”

“Yes. Because we agreed that it was a one-time thing.”

“I know!” She rubbed her sweaty palms over the hem of her dress. “That’s why I didn’t take it too badly.”

“Too badly?” he echoed.

She crossed her arms. “Well, it was kind of shitty of you,” she explained matter-of-factly. “Not waking me up to at least tell me you were leaving. I guess it would have been too…intimate for you or whatever.”

“I left becausewe agreed on it,” he exclaimed in disbelief. “We did not agree to make our night seem meaningless!”

“Once won’t do any harm, Matt! We both said that.”

“But that doesn’t mean that one time isinconsequential!” He ran his hand nervously through his hair and glanced down the stairs. “I mean, I know you don’t take sex lightly. You insist on only having serious sex or nothing at all. Or is that all bullshit? Because if you’re so good at having casual sex, you’ve been keeping it a real good secret for the past year.”

“Of course, it’s not bullshit!” she snapped. “Sex isincrediblyimportant to me. It’s intimate. And you…you bare your soul,okay? You show a side of yourself that you don’t show anyone else! I know you don’t think that way, but that’s howIthink!” She narrowed her eyes in frustration. “That’s why I can’t jump into bed with just anyone, Matt! And youarenotjust anyone. Otherwise, I would never have…” She fell silent and shook her head. “I need trust. And I trust you!”

“That’s nice to hear,” he said abruptly. “Then why did you have to make me feel like you didn’t care? Why did you go to such lengths to make me think we should laugh about it? Like it was merely an anecdote. A crazy night that was a filler episode in our life stories?”

“Because that was easier than…the rest,” she replied desperately.

“What rest?” he asked impatiently.

“Well, the rest! The chaos created because our nightdidmatter, after all. That it wasn’t a crazy idea, after all. The huge chaotic mess of feelings and expectations that has no end and no beginning and is impossible to untangle.”

“So, what are your feelings and expectations?” he whispered, suddenly appearing exhausted. “Maddie, I don’t think there’sanythingwe cannot untangle. As long as we’re honest. Like we always are. All I want is for you to be honest!”

She opened her mouth in disbelief and clenched her hands as she struggled for words, trying to force herself to say what she had wanted to throw at him for weeks. To admit what had gotten her into this mess in the first place! It was difficult, though, because it was personal. He wanted to argue, though, and she had said she would try. So…

“I’msupposed to be honest when you’ve been telling me nothing but rubbish for the last year?” she asked sharply, the words burning on her tongue.

He blinked at her, irritated. “What are you talking about?”

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