Page 58 of Wish Lists and Road Trips

“Way to go, Nicky. End of the line. You did good. I can say that, even though I won’t be there to see the end result, but damn if I don’t know my little brother, right? Now, I need you to save the last drop for the ride home. Whatever the hell you do, don’t give me to Mom or Willow. The last thing they need is a little bit of dust sitting around collecting, well, dust. So I want you to dump the rest in the ocean. Maybe I’ll wind up on that same beach in Jersey where we went when I was nine and you were six and we jumped waves and got sunburns with Dad, and Mom was pissed but she bought us ice cream anyway.”

I felt my eyes burn and I wiped at the corner, the paper crinkling in my fingers.

“Maybe a seagull will eat me and shit me out on someone’s picnic blanket. That’s the best part. I’ll never know. And neither will you.”

I looked back at Brit. “I promised his wife I’d do it on the way home, the last one. Over the side of the ship. Somewhere near here, actually. And I’m going to let him down. And Willow down. And a lot of good I get for failing, because I’m still not going to be home in time to help my dad out andthat’sgoing to let everyone else down. Do you have any idea how that feels? The pressure?”

She set her hands on her hips. “Yes, actually. I do.”

“Why don’t you tell me how, Brit, because from where I sit, I see a privileged little girl taking a vacation from her perfect life and calling it running away.”

I clamped my mouth shut, flinching at the hurt in her eyes. I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it. I knew better than that. I knew what she was running from just as well as I knew I envied her for being able to do it. Why was I fighting with Brit when it was Alex I was angry with? None of this was her fault. It was my fault for being so distracted, so hooked on her. For wanting her so damn bad.

But Brit didn’t crumble.

She came at me, pushing a finger into my chest. “Fine, Nick. Maybe you’re right. But do you want to know what I see? I see a self-made martyr with control issues.”

Well, fuck.That arrow hit its bullseye. Even I knew she was spot on. It didn’t mean I knew how to be any better. I opened my mouth to, I didn’t know what, muddle together a defense, but she wasn’t done.

“Now it’s my turn to play ‘did you know?’ Did you know I called my wedding off because Sean cheated on me like it was a sport? He didn’t even try to hide it. Did you know I stayed for a long time because I had nowhere to go besides home to my parents? And you know what? No one would have cared, least of all them. They would have wanted me to work it out because business is the most important thing and Sean isoh, so good for my dad’s business.”

I stared at her, regret sinking onto my shoulders. I wished she had just popped me in the mouth like she did to that guy at the bar.

“He’s their top guy, you know? That’s what they said when I told them I was leaving him. My mom said, ‘Bridget, how will this look?’ But my dad?” She gave a humorless laugh. “The first thing he asked was if Sean was quitting. I’m their daughter, but they were pissed. Atme. So, yeah, I know a little bit about disappointing people, Nick. About expectations.

“And maybe I did have a perfect life to some people, but it wasn’tmyperfect life. So much of it has been awful, and I’m doing everything I can to get away from it. I wanted to come on this trip and prove to myself I could do it alone andyouwouldn’t even let me have that!”

She pulled her finger from my chest and we stared at each other, her lip trembling, her eyes wet, me wallowing in my guilt. I didn’t have a clue what to say to any of that.

Then she pressed her palms to my cheeks and whispered, “No one should have to be unhappy just because someone else has it worse, Nick. Someone else willalwayshave it worse. You only get one life. Stop wasting the one you have because you feel guilty that not everyone got the same. That Alex didn’t get the same.”

His name on her lips hit me like a wave I hadn’t seen coming. The pain I’d been keeping at bay with all of this manufactured anger tore through my chest, sharp and stinging. Pain for Alex, for me, for the things I did and didn’t say.

For the thought of Brit crying over some asshole who dared to treat her like anything less than a gift. That was what she’d been for me. So beautiful and funny, and even after what I’d said, she was still holding me up.

I stepped closer until she had to tip her head to keep her tough stare aimed at me, and then my hands were in her hair. “I’m sorry.” It was all I could choke out. “I’m sorry I said that.”

“That was mean.”

“I know, I—”

She pressed her finger to my lips andshhed me. “Stop. I’ve already forgiven you.”

She took the letter from my hand. “Do you still want to do this, Nicky?”

“Do what?”

“The last thing on the list.” She put her hand on my chest. “Look, I didn’t know your brother, but I can’t imagine he intended for this trip to be a second funeral. Look at the things on this list. Mountain tops and beaches and zip lines. It looks to me like this was written by someone trying to get you to live a little. This was for you, Nick.”

My stomach dropped like I’d just crested a hill on a roller coaster. Was that true? Was this all some fucking dare like the rope swing or the racecar driving? Brit didn’t even know Alex, but shit, that was the most Alex thing I’d ever heard. And she’d figured it out before I had.

I stared at her, slack-jawed and she poked me in the ribs, cracking a smile. “Were you always this dense, Nicky? Or is it the grief?”

“I . . .” Was she teasing me now? I could barely keep up.

“I understand if it is,” she said. “But I’m here to tell you, cut the crap and do what your brother so clearly wanted for you.”

I shook my head, so in awe of this woman, my voice would barely work. “How?”

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