Page 86 of Wish Lists and Road Trips

“It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember but it’s all twisted and wrecked now. For the first time in my life, I don’t even know if I want it. Not if I can’t have her.”

And still here I was, letting her slip through my fingers because of it.

“The company has been your life since you were a kid, Nick. But you can’t believe it’s all you were ever expected to want.”

I shook my head. I didn’t believe it mattered one way or another what I wanted. That was half the problem.

“Look, I’m not going to give you some speech about how you should follow your heart, and everyone else be damned. That’s a nice platitude, but it’s not real life. I get that. I do. But what I will say is there has to be a balance. You’ve lived your whole life like you owed everyone something, Nick—your parents, Alex. You’ve had all of this responsibility since you were probably too young to handle it. But you also have a responsibility to yourself. Something tells me this is the moment you’re finally realizing that. Because of whoever this woman is.”

I couldn’t even count the things I was just now realizing because of Brit. That I’d wasted a lot of time feeling sorry for my brother for being sick, when he was never looking for my sympathy. That I’d been stuck in the anger stage of grief so long, I didn’t know any other way to live without him. That girls with rainbow hair understood the world better than everyone else.

Brit understood me better thaneveryoneelse. She’d taken one look at me and figured out all of my pain. She’d looked at me in that airport bar and read me like a book, and I’d been instantly defensive, but then a familiar comfort had seeped into my bones. The comfort of not having to explain myself, of being with someone who saw the things I struggled with the most and let me have them. Only two people had ever been able to see through me like that. And now they were both gone.

“I think I’m in love with her.” I laughed nervously and scratched at the back of my neck. “That’s crazy, right?”

“Why would it be?” Willow sounded genuinely confused and my heart sang a little in my chest.

“We just met,” I said. “Two weeks ago, I didn’t even know her.”

“I was twelve when I fell in love with Alex. People told me I was crazy too, but what’s falling in love besides letting someone burrow through all of the blood and bone and scar tissue until they get to our beating hearts? I was lucky enough to meet my person before I’d built all of that up. Maybe you were lucky enough to meet yours when your heart was hanging on the outside.”

“I want Brit to be my person.”

“Then make the room. No one is going to love you any less for setting some boundaries, Nick. In fact, maybe we’ll all love you even more once we finally get a chance to meet you. The real you.” Her expression turned teasing. “The you who fell in love with a woman after only a few days.”

I groaned and she patted my arm. “Sorry. Big-sister teasing is worse than big-brother teasing. Deal with it.”

I smiled. “I got it, you know.”

She gave me a sly smile. “Got what?”

“The point he was trying to make with the list. Or, I should say, Brit got it. She showed me.” I rubbed at my chin, laughing. “And then she said something about grief making me dense.”

Willow barked out a genuinely delighted laugh. “It sounds like Alex would have liked this girl.”

“I think so too.”

She held her arms out and I stepped into her hug. “He always knew what you were carrying, Nick,” she said. “This was his way of apologizing to you.”

I nodded, knowing that without Brit, I would have missed it altogether.

“I won’t do it.” I crossed my arms and glared at my father from across his desk. I’d slept fitfully, waking every few hours and missing Nick’s warmth and scent. His arms around me as I slept. I’d stumbled downstairs when the sun came up, and I’d barely forced down a muffin and fruit before my father called me into his study.

I’d expected a campaign from him to get me to speak to Sean, from both of them actually, though my mother seemed to have sat this one out. But this was too much.

“You’re going, Bridget. You knew that because Sean works for me he’d be part of your life no matter what happened between you two. This was what your mother and I wanted you to consider when you couldn’t work things out.”

Oh, I’d considered it. I’d just been naive enough to believe my own parents wouldn’t make me spend the evening with my ex-fiancé when the refunds from the wedding had barely cleared.

“So this is how it is now?” I asked. “I make nice with Sean or I can’t have the money I rightfully inherited? I seriously doubt extortion was what was intended when you were made the trustee.”

“Watch your accusations, little girl.” I flinched at his tone. “The money is still yours. I’ve simply put a pause on your access to it. It’s within my rights as a signer on your account.”

“For how long?”

“Until I’m satisfied that you know what you’re doing with your life.”

“You mean satisfied that I’m doing whatyouwant me to. You knew the money would be deposited in that account and you made sure you would control it. You’ve planned this since I was sixteen.”

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