Page 91 of Wish Lists and Road Trips

A familiar knuckle rap on my door made me jump. “Nick. You’re back.”

I didn’t look up at the sound of my father’s voice. I hadn’t spoken to him since the phone call that had cost me Brit and I didn’t know what he’d see if I met his eye. Something I couldn’t take back.

“I told you I would be.” I looked at the clock. “Where’s Mom?”

“She’s with your aunt Janey.”

Tom and Drew’s mom. Good. At least she was taken care of for a few hours and I could get this done.

My father cleared his throat and took a seat across the room. “So, the Clayborne job . . .”

“I’m handling it.” I clicked the file on my desktop. “I’ve been in contact with the subs and I’m pulling up the bid package now.”

“Good.” He nodded once, tossing another folder on my desk. “I found something else I need you to take a look at.”

I looked at the folder, then back at my dad, grinding my teeth.

He tapped the folder. “I think this is the next thing we should put our time into.”

“You mean my time.”

His gray eyebrows jumped and I realized I’d said it out loud. “What’s that mean?”

I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was Tom pissing me off right before my father came in here, or the fact that I hadn’t slept in three days, but I felt like a stick about to snap. “I don’t want to put my time into whatever that is.”

He looked at me like I’d grown wings. “What’s going on here, Nick?”

“I think I need some time off.” I pushed away from my desk and stood. My breath had started to strangle me, a fine sheen of sweat forming on the back of my neck, and I tugged at my tie. I was nauseous and too hot.

“You just came back.”

“I know, I . . .” I shook my head. “No. You called me back. I only came back because you said you needed me to.”

“I did need you and you were on your way home.”

“I wasn’t. I wasn’t on my way home. I’d just finished Alex’s list and I was dealing with that, processing it or whatever, and I was with someone and I was happy to be there. With her.”

I swallowed, glancing to the side to see Tom staring at me, eyes watchful.

My father took a breath through his nose, his jaw tight. He was measuring his reply. “Nicky. I rely on you because I know I can always count on you. I can’t do this without you.”

“Is that why you gave the company to Alex?” I tensed. That had slipped out, but fuck it, we were doing this.

He blinked at me, confused. “Is that what this is about?”

“I don’t know, maybe. It’s about a lot of things but that’s the one I want to talk about. I have been here every time you’ve called,” I said. I pictured Brit sleeping in that bed while I promised him I’d leave her and come home and my temper flared. “I’ve put out fire after fire in this family starting back when I was just a kid. Even Alex knew it. Christ, he sent me on a goddamn apology tour. But you? You gave away the one thing that was mine.” I pushed a hand into my hair. “And that one decision ruined everything.”

My father’s face hardened with familiar sternness. “He was my first born . . . Alex was . . . He was the oldest.”

“Fuck. Glad to know you had a solid reason, Dad.”

“Nicky—”

“No!” I slammed my palm on my desk. “He was the oldest but I was the one who carried everyone. You put too much on me. This was too much.”

The dull ache in my chest that I’d woken up with grew sharper. I rubbed at it through my shirt. Sweat formed at my collar and I loosened the knot on my tie further to get more air. Then I ripped it over my head.

Tom got to his feet beside me. “You all right, man?”

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