Page 103 of The Fate Factor

“Shit.” He takes a step back, knocking into the counter. “I just realized you’re talking about us.”

“No.” I say. “No, I’m not.”

“That’s what you said: Big decisions, flawed magic. All of it’s bullshit.”

“I just meant it’s all tied up, Jamie.”

His jaw works like he’s trying out words before speaking them. “I don’t understand why it matters, Noel. Sure, some details were off, but it still happened. Me and you, we still happened. That’s what you wanted to see, right? When you were testing me all that time?”

The spiral I’m in halts on a dime and I blink up at him. “You think I was testing you?”

He licks his lips and looks away. “Weren’t you? Isn’t that why you didn’t tell me what you saw?”

“No.” An ache pulses through my chest, and I press my hands to my temples.

“You said you wanted to see if it would happen on its own.”

“It wasn’t a test. Or maybe it was, but not of you. Of the visions.”

“It’s the same thing, Noe.”

“It’s not.”

“That night at the beach,” he says. “That’s when you saw my tattoo. You freaked out. That’s why, right?”

My jaw clamps shut. I can’t lie to him, and the truth to that question won’t help here. Besides, I can see him working out on his own. His brow is drawn, eyes bouncing around my face.

He tips his head. “But why did you change your mind?”

“Jamie.”

“Why did you agree to see me again that night at the bar? Why did you put your condo up for sale? Decide to stay here with me?”

“It doesn’t matt—” I bite off the end of that sentence. I’m a hypocrite. How can one piece matter and not the rest?

“Why, Noel?”

“Because I saw us! There at the cottage. In the summer. I thought I was supposed to stay.”

His eyes are desperate. I can practically see his heart banging around in his chest. “Would you have stayed without it?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper.

His whole body sags, and it’s like a knife twisting in my gut to see all that buoyant hope that fuels him deflate before my eyes. I’m torn between wanting to fix it, to patch him back up, and taking it as the sign that it probably is. He’s supposed to be the believer here and he doesn’t have any left either.

“Everything between us,” he says. “It’s just been a calculated risk for you.”

“I didn’t say that, Jamie. I’m just confused.”

“I’m in love with you. Not the idea that I’m somehow supposed to be with you—You. There’s nothing confusing about that for me. You can’t say the same. I’m sorry, but that hurts no matter how you put it.”

“That’s… you’re making it seem simple, and it’s not.” I press my palms into my eyes, frustrated at the way this is spinning out of my grip. “God, I wish I’d never looked into that stupid candle. Why couldn’t we have just met like normal people? Out at some bar somewhere.”

“Come on,” he says, and the coldness of it snaps my head up. “You think we’d be standing here if you didn’t look into that candle? I’m not exactly your type, Noel.”

“That isnottrue.”

“Maybe I passed your test, but I wouldn’t have even had the opportunity to take it without that vision, so I’m sorry you wish you never had it, but I can’t say the same.”

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