Page 105 of The Fate Factor

“So Becca screwed up. She’s mad at herself, and she took it out on you. It’s human nature, Noel. We want to blame other people for our biggest mistakes. If Jamie wanted to give her another chance, he had plenty of time.”

Which is half the problem. He wasted that time believing in magic. Just like me, he thought he knew the ending. He thought he was making the right choice because I told him he was. But it turns out it was a roulette game from the start. Maybe the visions come true, maybe they don’t. Maybe he’s mine, maybe he isn’t. What’s the damn point in any of it?

“He said it didn’t matter—the differences—and I know I told myself the same weeks ago, but that was when it was small stuff. This is huge. Saying it doesn’t matter is crazy.”

“Maybe itdoesn’tmatter to him.” She shifts onto her knees and pushes my hair off of my face. “Jamie’s not a pawn in your vision, Noel. Have you considered that maybe he’s seen enough, even without the supernatural assistance, and he knows what he wants?”

Oh, I’ve considered it. That’s always been the difference between me and Jamie. He jumps with his eyes closed and his fingers crossed. But I’m not like him. I’ve never been like him, and isn’t the way it’s all blowing up now proof that living like that only gets you hurt? This morning, he looked at me like Icrushed his heart in my fist because that’s what love does. It always leaves you worse than you found it. I thought I had a way around it, I thought this magic wouldn’t hurt us, but I was so wrong.

“Maybe all this wanting is the craziest of all of it,” I say miserably. I fall flat on my back and at the same moment, the music stops. Turning my head with some effort, I see the battery in my phone is dead. Tragic. “You didn’t see his face, Kate. I’m not sure he knows what he wants anymore anyway. Somewhere along the way, I changed our destiny, or I misunderstood it, because this hurts too much to be the plan all along.”

Kate scoots backward to avoid the splash of the creeping tide, closing in on my blanket. “Well… if you think you changed it, Noel. Change it back.”

Another piece of my heart wilts at her advice. If there’s one thing that’s proven true so far, it’s that I can’t control this. That’s what makes it so dangerous.

Colin drives me home because he’s as good of a soul as they come. Head pressed against the glass of the back seat window, my thoughts narrow from the infinite implications of the universe toying with me to the persistent ache inside of my chest that’s been building since this morning. I miss Jamie so much. My favorite person. My best friend. All of the colors that have filled in over the last few months are gray again.

Part of me wants to ask Colin to bring me to Fortune, but I’m a mess, and a little drunk, and I think maybe seeing me would just confuse him tonight when he needs to focus on work. I should probably take Wes’s advice and stay far away from any of his business endeavors from now on.

The car swings into the gravel driveway, and the headlights splash on a vehicle parked in the driveway. For one hopeful beat, my droopy heart sits up inside my chest, thinking it could be Jamie, even though I know he’d be cutting it too close coming here before the launch.

It’s not a little gray sports car or a truck with Fortune’s logo painted on the side, anyway. It’s a car I don’t recognize with Pennsylvania plates, which means it’s either a rental or a complete stranger.

Kate turns over her shoulder with her eyebrows raised, and I shake my head. Colin wordlessly cuts the engine. All three of us pile out of his car just as the front door to the cottage opens, and there, standing on my doorstep, is the most timely reminder of how strong the force of chaos is in this world. My mother’s here.

Mom steps out onto the porch holding a squirming Pixie in one arm, waving wildly with the other. I’d forgotten she had a key, not that I expected her back today anyway. I wonder if she went to Connecticut first. If she saw the For Sale sign.

Oh, God. It’s not just Jamie. There’s an army of consequences lining up for me to face. More chickens coming home to roost. I’d made that decision knowing full well Mom would show up eventually asking for her room back. And she’d be out of luck because I wouldn’t be able to bail her out.

Well, here she is. And here I am, without any of the assurance I pictured myself having when I broke the news to her:Your steadfast daughter has been wildly reckless, Mom.

“Elena.” Kate pastes on a smile to greet my mother, but her hand clutches the back of my coat protectively. I manage to wipe at my eyes and attempt to huff enough salt air to get rid of myleftover sniffles before Mom comes trotting down the steps to throw her free arm around me.

“Surprise!” she says, rocking me back and forth on the gravel driveway.

I free Pixie from her arms, snuggling her to my chest, and poke my head around Mom’s shoulder. “Is Dennis with you?” I ask, trying to sound completely at ease with the idea of a strange man following my mother here to be my new roommate too. Kate and Colin exchange a look that I read aswe’re not leaving if he is.

“Oh,” Mom says. “Well, no. That didn’t work out.” She waves a hand at her hair and I realize with a start that it’s about ten shades lighter than when she left. “Break up blonde,” she explains, and I notice a wobble in her chin.

“Are you okay?”

“No, honey.” She touches my cheek in one of those quick maternal gestures that slips in every once in a while. “But you always know how to fix me up.”

“Well, let’s go inside,” I say, slipping my hand into hers. “It’s cold.” And just like the tide overtaking the patch of sand I was trying to wallow on, my mother’s problems wash over mine.

thirty-four

Noel

IpromisedKateandColinI’d be fine, and my phone is still void of any messages from Jamie, so it’s just Mom and me tonight.

“She might be your monkey, but this doesn’t have to be your circus,” Kate said as she hugged me goodbye. I appreciated the reminder, but dealing with Mom’s life imploding is actually a lot more familiar and easier to deal with than the storm happening inside of my own heart.

It takes me a half hour to change the sheets in Nana’s room for Mom and make a space in the loft again for me. I drag a sleeping bag in from the garage, and fold up my easel to make room on the floor. God knows how long she’s planning to camp here.

If she’d shown up yesterday, I would have just gone, taken Pixie and run to Jamie’s place. To him, to the comfort and safety of being in his orbit. But it’s not yesterday. It’s today. And it looks nothing like I thought.

I set us up with some tea and we sprawl out over Nana’s old plaid couch with the fireplace roaring at our feet. The chill of the beach has settled into my bones, so I’m decked out in flannel pajama pants and, embarrassingly, wrapped in one of Jamie’s zip-up hoodies.

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