Page 51 of Milked

My mood hadn’t improved by the time I walked into Legends for work and to get my station ready for the night. The club had barbacks to fill ice bins and cut fruit, but I double-checked to make sure I had all that I needed for the night. Then I went through and took inventory of all the liquor.

Each of the bartenders had their own station, and at each station was a little refrigerator, which held fruit and other garnishes. I pulled out the cleaned basil and mint, having them ready.

All the beer kegs were full already, but there were some nearly empty liquor bottles, so I headed to the storage room and grabbed replacement bottles. You didn’t want to leave when it was busy with drink lines just to go to the storage. It was a bad look, especially for clubs like Legends. There could be no mistakes, and everything had to run smoothly and efficiently.

Private tables and rooms had their servers, so that cut down on the drink lines.

Usually, I was quick to set up, but I kept getting distracted, forcing myself to focus again. And when that crushing weight settled around my heart, I would compartmentalize and try to think about other things.

I’d been so busy doing my checklist for opening the bar, with music playing quietly in the background, that I hadn’t noticed Knox heading my way and sitting down on one of the stools.

“Oh!” I said. “Sorry, I didn’t see you… sir.”

“That’s a lot of frowning you’ve been doing.”

Because the day is almost here, I nearly said.

“Yeah, it’s been a rough day. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll be all smiles for the patrons tonight.”

Knox hopped off the stool and wiggled a finger at me. “Come back to my office.”

“But…”

“Now.”

I sighed, stepped out from behind the bar, and followed him.

When he closed his office door behind us, he waved a hand at the chair in front of his desk. “Sit.”

I sat down and picked at some imaginary lint on my slacks, trying not to look at him because I knew he would try to see into my soul. He’d know what happened and what I’d done.

“Ryder, I’m not worried about my guests. I’m worried aboutyou. I can see it. Each day, it looks like you get more and more lost. You try to hide it, but we’ve all gotten really close very fast. Talk to me.”

“I… I…” The words wanted to tumble out and tell him everything, but my mouth refused to cooperate. “Give me time. Please.”

Knox came to stand in front of me, and to my surprise, he squatted, grabbing one of my hands and holding it in his larger one.

“Do I need to remind you that you agreed to be communicative? We all need to be open and honest with each other if this is going to work.”

But you don’t want me permanently. It’s only temporary, as is my fucking sanity.I thought the words but didn’t say them out loud. I could feel myself about to crumble into little shards of glass. Yet, they did tell me they wanted our time together to continue for longer.

“And I will. Just give me… I need a couple more weeks.” If I could even survive it. “Then I’ll tell you everything.”

Knox sighed, let go of my hand, and stood. “Very well.”

He dragged his fingers across my face before dropping his hand. “We enjoy you so much, Ryder. I hope you know that.”

“I really enjoy you, too.”

So much, I said in my head. Knox and Finn were my beautiful distraction.

“I have something for you,” he said, moving around behind his desk and opening a drawer. He pulled out a box and came back to stand in front of me. “Finn and I talked, and we think you’re ready for the next level.”

“Yes. Anything.”

He smiled, the crinkles around his eyes more pronounced. I found myself constantly drawn to them, like his inner strength and life were held in those lines around his eyes. Knox was someone I could fall on if I needed to. I wasn’t trying to keep secrets from him and Finn, but I just couldn’t open my mouth to say the words. It was too painful. I figured that when the first anniversary passed, I could tell them. Hopefully. If it didn’t destroy me first.

“I always love your eagerness,” he chuckled affectionately.

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