Page 91 of Milked

The doorbell rang, and my heart hammered at the sudden sound, not expecting anyone. I opened the security app on my phone to look at the camera instead of getting off the couch and answering the door.

Casey stood there looking unkempt, his waves now unruly curls, which wasn’t like him. He fidgeted with the zipper of his parka and looked around as if someone was about to sneak up and attack him.

I sighed, not happy to see him after that shit show with Marc Laurent. I tried to help Casey, and all he could do was bitch at me. I’d risked my career for him. That wasn’t fair. Marc Laurent was at fault for that. Still, I tried to protect Casey, and then I tried to give him money to help, but he refused to take my calls. So, fuck him.

After bookmarking the page I was reading, I set the book on the sofa before standing and taking my time to answer the door.

When I answered it, a freezing gust of cold air hit me, sending a chill through my body.

“What?” I said, not bothering to hide my contempt.

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

His eyes watered and begged me. “Please.”

I sighed again and stepped to the side to allow him in. “I suppose.”

After shutting the door, I walked over to the living room and cranked up the gas fireplace, then went to the small bar to pour myself another glass of wine. I rarely drank while I’d been modeling. Now I wasn’t as careful about it, freer with my diet. In fact, I’d put on a few extra pounds.

“Can I get you a drink?”

I shouldn’t have bothered asking, but my mother made sure I had some sort of manners as I grew up.

“Do you have any bourbon? Neat please.”

I didn’t reply as I pulled out a tumbler from the cabinet and poured him some liquor. When I returned to him, I handed him the glass. He set it down, removed his coat, and laid it on the armrest of the sofa before sitting and taking a sip.

“Why are you here, Casey?”

I sat, crossed my leg over my knee, and took a sip of wine.

He was hunched over, holding the tumbler between two hands. Casey was no longer the elegant, arrogant, and poised man I’d come to know.

“I finally found my balls and came to apologize to you,” he said, not looking at me. “It was my fault. I pressured you into the nude photos we did, and I got so wrapped up in Marc. He made promises to me. He told me he loved me and that I would go far in my career.”

He sighed and took a small sip of his drink, and I sat there waiting him out. “I’m not a fucking idiot, though. I know he didn’t really love me, but… I wanted him to. I thought if… Anyway, I’d been angry you ruined that for me. It took me a while to realize that maybe I was stupid after all. God, what an idiot I was… am. He just used me, and you… I hated that he fucking touched you, too… out of jealousyandguilt.” He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair before taking another sip of the bourbon. “You tried to protect me. You risked everything for me, and I was an ungrateful prick.”

When he looked at me finally, his dark eyes were watering before a tear spilled. “You’re a good friend, Finn. Better than I ever was. We don’t really have ‘friends’ in this industry, but you were just that, and I’m so fucking sorry. I let my desperation for money and my career rule me, and in the end, it ruined me. I’m not making excuses… just know that I was in a messed-up place.”

“I could use something stronger myself,” I said, chugging back my wine and standing to pour myself some bourbon, too.

“Please forgive me. I would like to be friends again… or try to be a better one.”

“Why now? Why’d you wait so long?”

I sat back down and turned to face him as I sipped my drink.

“Fear that you’d refuse me. That you hated me. I wouldn’t have blamed you. Mom put me through some therapy, too, after I told her what had happened. We’re broke, but she’s got insurance for work, at least. I can use it until I’m twenty-six. God, the look of terror on her face… The fucking guilt of what I went through to help make ends meet. She got a second job, so I didn’t have to go through that again. I also got a job. It doesn’t pay as well, but we’re getting by. I’m also taking some classes… got some student loans. I… want to do some social work… create some sort of advocacy for men like us. Do something useful with my fucking pathetic life.”

He tossed back the rest of his bourbon, set the glass on the table, and stood. “I should go. It’s clear you’re still upset with me. I’m so fucking sorry, Finn,” he said again. “Truly. You’re a better man than I will ever be.”

“Wait,” I called out as he turned to go, and I stood. “I forgive you, and I also understand why you reacted the way you did. Yeah, it hurt, and I was angry with you, but it’s not all your fault. He manipulated you, and we are so easily manipulated and gaslighted in this damn industry. The competition is ridiculous.”

I gathered him in my arms, and he hugged me back. “Thank you for coming and telling me that. Believe it or not, I’m proud of you for the direction you’re taking with your life. If you need any help, I’ll be there. Call me sometime, okay?”

Casey held me tighter and rested his face on my shoulder. A hot wetness soaked through my sweater as his body shook. “I will. Thank you, Finn.”

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