Page 12 of Possessive Vows

Loretta nudges me, but I watch as the man saunters over to a table full of frat boys. He looks out of place, but they accept him into their conversation as though he’s a familiar friend, so I turn my attention back to my tray.

Loretta leans into my space and asks in a low tone, “Are you okay?”

I nod and slip a plate and two bowls onto my tray with no intention of filling them but wanting to appease my companion, although halfway down the line, food overflows all three. My stomach growls for the first time in months, not from nausea or fear but from hunger. After purging so much theoretical weight from my shoulders, my body demands nutrients.

I slip a croissant onto my napkin and return the tongs to their holder before leading Loretta back to the table.

Even though the man I made eye contact with is on the far side of the seating area, a chill washes over me when his face lurks in my periphery.

Loretta reads my expression and offers to swap seats. I accept and slip into the other side of the booth so I’m near the wall and out of sight of most of the seating area. She doesn’t pressure me to eat when I pick at my food. After a few minutes, my nerves settle enough for my hunger to return full force, so I eat with more gusto but carefully pace myself despite how delicious everything is. I haven’t eaten such a large meal since before my accident, so my stomach complains rather quickly.

The cozy atmosphere lulls me into the most relaxed state I’ve been in in public for over a year. As a model, I once thrived as the center of attention, but now I just want to hide in a deep, dark hole and never be seen again.

When I realize my train of thought, I silence my mind and use the arrival of my cake and ice cream as a distraction.

I only manage a few bites of the sweet concoction, but I savor every single one.

With my belly fuller than ever before and my mind beyond exhausted, I follow Loretta out the door and into the car as though in a daze. She sends a few texts on the drive back to the mental health facility while I sit halfway catatonic beside her.

When the car stops, I open my purse and pass my identification card to the driver as he rolls his window down. The guards perform the usual check—scanning our IDs inside the guard hut, opening the trunk and ensuring we hid nothing in the lining, and checking the undercarriage before giving us our cards back and allowing us through the gates.

Unexpected tears scratch the back of my eyes. My sister isn’t taking chances with my safety. I’ll never be able to repay her.

After the driver parks in the drop off roundabout, Loretta shifts as though to get out, but I shake my head.

“I’m sorry, but I’m done for the day. Thank you for everything, Loretta,” I say.

She studies my face for a moment before nodding.

“You don’t need to apologize or thank me. Just call or text if you ever need anything.Capisci?” she demands.

A smile ghosts across my face. I nod.

“I’ll be waiting for whenever you’re ready to start self-defense lessons, too,” she says.

Emotionally stretched beyond my limits, I give her another nod and exit the vehicle. Knowing the driver won’t leave until I’m inside the building, I walk through the double glass doors and turn to give them a small wave goodbye. The moment the car pulls forward, I walk through the lobby and head straight to my room. My brain remains blessedly silent as my body moves through my bedtime routine, and less than two seconds after my head hits the pillow, I drop into a much needed sleep.

I wake shaking and covered in fear sweat as deep voices echo in my mind, but I keep yesterday’s dinner down. The peace I found while meeting Perla and visiting with Serenity is nowhere to be found. My demons hound me as though furious I escaped their grasp for even a millisecond.

After a cold but lengthy shower, I dress in clean sweats, smooth my hair back into a tight bun, and don my usual armor of makeup, but when I approach the door to the hall, my stomach twists.

Nurse Shelly knocks right on time. As soon as I open the door for her, my mind shuts down enough for me to enjoy the attendant’s rambling, and I stay in a light disassociated state all the way to the garden.

When the picture-perfect morning and fragrant roses don’t pull me from my trance, I begin a slow circuit around the path furthest from the buildings. Sweat trickles down my back. I absently push my sleeves up my arms.

Movement flashes across my vision, halting my forward momentum. Sticky warmth sprays over my exposed flesh. A look down my body confirms the liquid is dark crimson with a coppery scent.

I wait for the familiar sting to rise as more blood coats my skin, but it doesn’t.

With a sharp inhale, I pull myself out of my trance. I stopped cutting myself when Serenity found me half dead in my childhood bedroom. She saved me from my parents’ home and sent me to this mental health facility. I needed it. I still need it.

But I can’t stay here anymore.

A man lies gurgling his last breaths at my feet in the back garden. Sunlight streams down on us. A chilly breeze ruffles my hair.

This was my haven. The only place I could go away from prying eyes. My only refuge from my thoughts and emotions.

It’s gone now.

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