Page 59 of Corrupted Lies

Maybe if she could sneak over him, she could go and get herself a drink and take those few moments alone to gather herself. She didn't want to be a burden, it was bad enough knowing this was her fault, but she didn't want to make this harder for Jake. He kept saving her over and over again, but he shouldn’t have to. She was going to have to be smarter, stronger, tougher, and live up to his example.

“Going somewhere?” Jake asked the second she shifted out of his warm embrace.

“Rain seems to have lightened. I was going to get a drink,” she explained, disappointed in herself for disturbing him. It felt like she couldn’t do anything right. As much as she wanted to be able to be like Jake, handle all this with his calm confidence, she didn't have the training or the skills to do it.

She was the weak link, and no amount of wishing differently was going to change that.

“If you're thirsty, you should have said something. I would have gone and gotten you a drink.” Jake immediately sat up and moved to leave their shelter, but she grabbed his arm to hold him in place.

“That’s why I didn't want to tell you. I’ve already stopped you from getting a good night’s sleep, I wasn't going to make you go out in the rain for me as well.”

Something close to distress passed through his dark eyes. “Don’t you know I would have gotten you as many drinks as you needed?”

Offering her warmest smile, Alannah wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him hard. “I do know, and it’s why I didn't say anything. You’ve taken such good care of me, but, Jake, this is my fault.” Her voice wavered on that last word, andas much as she hated it, she knew there was nothing she could have done to stop it.

“How do you figure that?” Jake asked in a voice that seemed to be genuinely confused.

“I should have listened to you,” she said softly, voicing the worry that had kept her awake all night, the one she couldn’t escape no matter how exhausted her brain and body were.

“About going with my family?”

Alannah nodded. “If we had you wouldn't be here now. Are you … are you angry with me?” She couldn’t even look at him as she asked the question. He had to be, and it was just like her protective grumpy not to let on.

“Are you angry with me?”

Her brow furrowed. “Course not. Why would I be? If we’d done what you wanted, we’d be safe right now. We wouldn't be lost with no one knowing where we are and what happened to us. If they think we died in the explosion, they won’t be looking for us. We could never be found, Jake. We could die here.”

“If I'd kept my distance like I knew I should have, these men would never have targeted you. You'd be safe and sound at home, going about your life, not having almost been killed so many times over I don’t even want to count them up.”

Tears blurred her vision, but she was able to hold them in. “I wouldn't have been safe and sound going about my life, Jake. I was missing you. It had been months and I thought …”

“What did you think, sunshine?” he asked when she didn't continue.

Holding back the tears was no longer an option. They tumbled freely down her cheeks and she didn't bother to try to wipe them away. “I thought I had finally done something that had pushed you out of my life. I know how selfish that sounds. Like I think the entire world revolved around me and the only reason you could possibly have for not contacting me asmuch as you usually did was because I'd done something, but I couldn’t stop the thoughts. They were always there, taunting me. Every message you didn't answer, every phone call that went to voicemail, I thought it had to be me. If even my own parents didn't want me and weren't shy about letting me know it, how could anyone else ever truly want to have me in their life?”

Speaking her deepest and greatest fears out loud was hard, but what was the point in holding them back?

There was a very real possibility that they weren't going to survive this, so holding onto her secret fears seemed silly.

“Is that what you really thought?” Jake sounded stricken at the very idea.

Reluctantly she added, not wanting to hurt him more but feeling freed by admitting that out loud. “It’s what I always think. It’s why I don’t have a lot of close friends. I purposefully keep them at a distance so that when they eventually leave, I feel justified. It’s stupid. I know it. People aren't mind readers, I need to tell them what I'm thinking, I need to face my fears and give them a chance, but knowing it and doing it are two different things.”

Jake’s large hands lifted to frame her face, and his eyes locked onto hers. “I would never leave you, Alannah. I had to put distance between us to keep you safe. No other reason. And I couldn’t even stick with that, even knowing the danger. I brought that danger directly to your door. If anyone should be angry with anyone else, it should be you angry with me. This isn’t your fault, it’s mine. All of it. Including letting you think that anything you did or didn't do would end our friendship. You're family to me, sunshine, okay? Always have been and always will be, every bit as much as my brothers and Cassandra.”

His words should soothe her, make her feel better, but in fact, they did the opposite.

Her feelings for him were changing, growing into something more, and he’d just effectively told her that he saw her as another sister, not as someone who could one day be more to him than just a friend.

Chapter

Fourteen

October 19th

7:00 A.M.

What he’d said earlier in the shelter hadn't convinced Alannah that he wasn't going anywhere, Jake could tell.

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