Page 13 of Desperate Times

I noticed Scarlett’s cries started to fade as he swayed her gently.“You can give her to me. She’s fed and dry. Probably just a little cranky.”

“Or she’s tired of staring at these stale-ass walls in this musty-ass room. You're really going out of your way to not ask me for help, huh?”

“No. I’m going out of my way to stop relying on people. That’s how I ended up in this mess, counting on folks to hold up their end. That stops now. If I’m in control, I can plan for the bullshit.”

“What are you gonna do about work? You cursed your aunt out, who’s gonna watch Scarlett now?” I was quiet. He wasn’t wrong. I still hadn’t figured that out.

“I already called in for the rest of the week. I’ll take a few more days until she’s approved for daycare.”

“Then your check will be short. How will you pay for it?”

“It’s PAID time off okay! Besides…what's your point, Jah?”

“My point is you’re jumping through all of these hoops instead of coming to me like I told you to. You are adding unnecessary stress and making your life harder in the process. Where is the trust, Red?”

“You don’t get it. It’s not that I don’t trust you anymore, it's that I can’t. Like I'm mentally incapable of it. I’m not the same person I was back then. I’ve been done dirty by folks who are supposed to show compassion. And you…Look, I don’t know. I just know it's gonna take a lot of work. And I don’t know if I have it in me.”

“You mean to tell me you’re that pissed off at me that you’re willing to haul up in this triflin ass motel and sleep next to crack heads and killers?”

Crossing my arms, I smacked my lips and rolled my eyes. I was so tired of fighting, but I felt like I’d be in for a world of hurt the minute I let my guard down. There was only so much attitude I could display. And no matter how hard I thought it was, Jah was harder. He nipped everything in the bud.

“Look, I tried to be nice, but now I see I gotta act a fool to get results. Pack your shit, strap lil mama in and let's go.”

“I'm not going anywhere with you, Jahsir!” I fussed.

“If you want to stay yo lil mean ass here then do it. But I’m taking Scarlett with me.”

“Ugh.” I scoffed. “Where are we going?!”

“To my place.”

five

. . .

Jahsir

When we arrived at my loft, Scarlett was resting peacefully in her car seat, so I placed her on the table instead of waking her. I watched as Crimson stood in the doorway. She took in my space and was probably making peace with the fact that she actually had to to stand in her discomfort and possibly let her guard down. Crimson lingered in the doorway, arms crossed so tight it looked like she was holding herself together. Her eyes flickered around the loft, taking in my polished floors, floor-to-ceiling windows, and black and brown decor. I purposely said nothing on the car ride from the motel to my place. I'm sure she needed time to process the fallout with her family and the feeling of being unprotected once again, but after the 45-minute ride, I had some shit say.

“Tell me, exactly what was your plan? Were you planning to spend weeks in that dirty ass room or were you going to call me like I asked you to?” I asked, walking over to her and retrieving the plastic bags and Scarlett's baby bag from her.

She sighed but still said nothing. Crimson had built her wall up so high that even she didn’t know how to bring it down. But it was coming down tonight, even if we had to do it brick by brick. She said nothing, absolutely nothing. If she thought I was letting this go, she was sorely mistaken.

“I legit want to know your plan. Suffering when you got a nigga willing to take care of you is insanity.”

“I didn’t need a plan,” she retorted. “I had it handled.”

“True, because staying in a rundown motel with Scarlett was your best option, I see.”

“We were fine.”

I stood before her, backing her into the brick wall by the door. Her chest heaved up and down, and she avoided my gaze. I turned her head to me, giving her no choice but to look me in my eyes. She held her breath as I spoke.

“If sleeping a few feet away from hypes and prostitutes is what you call fine, then I guess you were. Don’t let your anger for me put your life in jeopardy.”

Finally, she took a deep breath, her voice quieter than I expected. "I wasn’t going to stay at that motel forever." She glanced up at me, her eyes softened but she was still guarded. "I just needed a second, Jah. And at the moment, I was fine.”

“Problem is, fine isn’t good enough for me, you, and it damn sure ain’t good enough for lil mama. So this is how this will go. Tomorrow we can run out and get a crib and whatever else babies need. You gon stay here until you get completely on your feet. You will accept my help, you won’t give me any push back, and you will stop fighting. Am I clear? You got any questions?”

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