Page 21 of Desperate Times

“15K? I don’t know what you are talking about?” she finally responded.

Leaning in a little, I was careful not to intimidate her. I mean, the lady practically watched me grow up. This was my best friend's mother, and the aunt of the love of my life. I was careful not to do anything that would cause friction in my very important relationships. But still, somebody had some explaining to do.

“Ms. Ruby, are you telling me Venus didn’t arrange some type of transfer? Four years ago, after I left.”

“Four years is a lifetime ago,” she added, taking another pull of her vape.

“And 15 thousand is a lot of money to not know its whereabouts.”

“Look, Jahsir, you left a mess. My son got locked up, Crimson was depressed, and bills had to be paid.”

“So, you spent it?”

“And Rashad needed money on his books.”

“Again, I ask, did you spend it? Because Rashad had his own bread, he didn’t need anything. And even so, you ain’t have 15k worth of bills.”

“I don’t know anything about 15k. That's all I have to say. Anyway, you said you needed something out of the attic? Be careful. No one has been up there since the water damage.”

Just like that, she brushed me off. Her guilt was loud and clear, and so was Venus’s. She clearly didn't give Ruby the full 15k, so she held the truth to that part. What killed me was that these people were supposed to have Crimson’s best interests at heart. Unfortunately, loyalty was a thing of the past, and none of these conniving thieves would have a place in Crimson's future. I was going to make sure of that.

I shrugged as I took the stairs to the attic. They creaked beneath my feet, instantly making me think of Crimson. She hated what she called ‘unnecessary noises’. The faint beep of smoke detectors, ticking of clocks, and even humming of refrigerators stressed her out. I could only imagine the dread she felt as she trekked up here on a daily basis. When I reached the top, I pushed the door open. My eyes surveyed the space as regret washed over me.

I thought about the day we moved her into her townhouse. She was all smiles, dreams, and plans, and couldn’t wait todecorate. She created a vision of neutrals and golds, making her home what she called ‘affordable luxury’. “It's all in the decorations, bae”, she’d say. Crimson said anybody could fake being rich if they had an eye for decor. Her first home was a fashion statement and her safe haven. Now, lay remnants of her old life scattered around an attic apartment and it hurt me to the fuckin core.

It was definitely a downgrade in space and a shift in her personality. Some of her things were here, but it felt cold. It was like she refused to settle in because she couldn’t bring herself to do so. I saw a throw pillow and candles I recognized, but nothing more. There was baby furniture now covered in mold, but still, nothing quite said Crimson.

Scanning the rest of her space, I finally found a piece of her. Her mannequin with fabric draped around it. There were needles still pinned into it. I observed it, making sure no mold had grown onto it. Next to it was a pile of books and high-fashion magazines. Under it was Crimson’s sketchbook. “Bingo.” I found exactly what I was looking for. Perusing it, I realized Crimson had not drawn anything in at least a year. Grabbing it, along with the mannequin, I made a mental note to make sure she found her passion again.

Crimson

“Loosen up.” That’s all Jahsir kept saying, like it was some magic fix. He’d been encouraging me to move past my issues with Venus all week, like I hadn’t heard him the first ten times. But he didn’t get it. I couldn’t loosen up. I was seething with anger and laced with disappointment. But this time it went beyond me being left out of the loop. At the end of the day, Rashad did what he felt was right. Did I like it, hell no, but I could only respect it.

What had me heated was the last thing Venus said before we left: “You got secrets, too.” It was petty as hell, and it stuck with me. She cut me deeper than she probably even realized. Venus broke the girl code. It's just certain shit you don’t repeat, especially not in front of an audience. She prides herself on being a real bitch, but that wasn’t real or honest. That was a chess move. When the heat was on her, instead of her sitting in that shit, and taking responsibility, she projected. And the more I sat with it, the more I realized; Venus was selfish and only gave a damn about herself. She moved with convenience, not loyalty. That’s a problem for me.

She was gonna protect herself no matter who she hurt in the process. That's the exact reason she convinced Rashad to keep me in the dark. She’d rather keep her image clean and, more importantly, keep her pockets thick.

I wondered if Jah caught the stray she shot my way. He’s observant, so I knew his antenna went up at her declaration. I knew I would have to come clean sooner or later, sooner rather than later, since she aired me out because I’d be damned if he found out from the streets instead of me. I’d get to it eventually, not today. Today I sat in his car, blindfolded, begging him to tell me where we were headed.

“Jah, it feels like we’ve been driving for hours,” I complained. “This is weird. Like, you really made me wear this blindfold the whole time.”

“Yes, because you are nosey as hell and ask too many questions. And you need to learn to relax for a change. You've been cursing out aunties and ruining spades games,” he chortled.

“Oh, hush. Sometimes you gotta act a fool to get results.”

“No, lover. Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.”

“Not you getting biblical on me.” We both laughed. “No, I hear you, Jah. Some people just bring out the worst in me. I see that now.”

“Control yourself, love. Giving energy to the wrong people leaves you drained and them, satisfied in the end. So, focus on those who bring the best out of you. Can you do that, for me at least?”

“I can,” I replied, realizing we had stopped. Jah put the car in park before he spoke.

“Okay, we are here, you can take off your blindfold.”

Following his instructions I gasped. I hadn’t even gotten out of the car, but I knew exactly where we were. “This place,” I sighed. I scanned the space around us through the windshield. The familiar scene took me on a quick emotional roller coaster. Memories of time I’d spent here with my mother growing up rushed in, compelling me to fight back the tears. I hadn’t been here in years, with Jah and certainly not with her.

“The Calhoun Heights carnival…Thank you, Jah. Lets go!”

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