Page 22 of Desperate Times

“Hold up. One more thing before you get out.”

Jah reached into the back seat and retrieved something. My eyes swelled with tears when I saw what it was.

“My sketchbook? Jahsir… how did you get this?”

“I went to your aunt’s crib,” he said with a shrug. “But never mind that. You haven’t drawn in a while. Why?”

I froze, clutching my book. “I lost my passion,” I whispered, slowly flipping through the pages, eyes lingering on the gowns and clothing I had once dreamed into life. And for a split second, the truth swallowed me whole. I was a shell of myself. I stopped sketching the minute I moved in with Ruby, after everything changed. I couldn’t create beauty while I felt dead on the inside. So I buried my passion and my pain, until now.

“Crème De La Crimson needs to be open for business. So, find it again,” he said softly.

“I have,” I murmured, eyes still on the old pages. “Thanks to you.”I held the book a little longer then placed it in the backseat. Jah helped me out of the car and we were on our way.

The nostalgia was everything. The neon lights of the Ferris wheel flickered against the dusky sky. That sight alone was my favorite part of the carnival. Then came the rides and, lastly, the food. The combination of all three spread a huge smile across my face. Music blared in the background, and then the music from the actual games chimed in the distance, too. The chatter and laughter of the kids were most comforting. Jahsir had truly made my day with this date, and it was only the beginning.

“What are we riding first?!”

“First? Red, you get two rides up outta me, then I’m done. Shiit I ain’t as adventurous as I used to be. Choose wisely, love.”

“Scary self!” I taunted him. “How about that?” I asked, pointing ahead of us.

“The slingshot? Alright, now you get one ride out of me. Because after that, it’s over with, I'm telling you now.”

“Well then, I hope it's worth it!” Locking hands with Jahsir, I pulled him along to the ride. The line was long but moved quicker than I anticipated. Jahsir stood behind me, with his hands wrapped around my waist. We moved when the line moved; before I knew it, it was our turn. Lowkey, I wanted to turn back. The anticipation was more exciting than actuallydoing the ride. Now I was second-guessing, letting my anxiety once again make my mind wander.

“No turning back now," he teased.

“Fuck.” I cursed under my breath.

Strapped in tight, I reached for Jahsir’s hands, lacing my fingers with his just as the slingshot yanked us into the sky. My stomach dropped, and a wild scream ripped from my throat. The carnival lights blurred beneath us, shrinking fast, and for a second, I swear my soul left my body. Jah let out a deep, booming yell. His voice was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

Next thing I knew, my eyes fluttered open, and we were flipping and twisting in midair. My stomach turned, and I sent up a silent prayer that I wouldn’t embarrass myself. The slingshot started to slow down, and I exhaled like my life depended on it. The second our feet touched solid ground, neither of us spoke. Instead, we stumbled away in shock.

“You better not tell anybody I passed out.” I threatened him

“Shit you bet not tell nobody I screamed like a bitch.” he replied, sending us both into laughter.

Locking hands, we made our way through the carnival. The two-ride minimum went out the window. Instead, we spent the next hour or so at the game booths. Jahsir was competitive, always has been. He beat me in basketball, the water gun race, and even knocked down more clowns than I could. Eventually, I threw in the towel. Normally, I’d be sulking, but then he won me this oversized, English bulldog-looking bear. I was clutching it like some lovestruck teenager. I hadn’t felt this free, this light, in a long time.

Next, we hit the food trucks, and that’s when the real fun started for me. I was a foodie, and the food was my favorite part of any event. I cheesed, standing in the middle of the courtyard between all of the trucks. Smokehouse BBQ, sweet treats,Mexican street food, soul food; everywhere I turned, something was tempting me. My greedy self wanted it all, but I also wasn’t trying to have the bubble guts on the way home. Instead of getting full meals, I sampled everything. A little elote here, half a Polish there, some truffle fries, a funnel cake, fried ice cream balls, and of course, a bite of Jah’s turkey leg.

“Red, level with me,” he said as we stuffed our faces. “If you didn't give that nigga your heart, that means it still belongs to me, right?”

“Jah.”

“Just admit you wanna give us a real chance.”

“Things have changed, hell, I’ve changed. I'm a grown woman, and I’m not hanging on your every word like I used to.”

“And you shouldn’t. I fucked up but I wanna make it right. Let me prove it to you. Tell me what you want?”

“I want to be able to trust you. I need your commitment to me. I already messed up and gave Scarlett a deadbeat dad. Whatever man comes into her life now has to be solid. I won’t have a revolving door of niggas around my daughter.”

“That's a given, Red. You and Scarlett are my number one priority moving forward.”

“Hmm, we’ll see.”

For a minute, we both sat in silence, taking in the moment. The action of the carnival blurred around us. But just like always, it felt like Jahsir and I were the only ones in the world. But now that the conversation had been had and we were officially one again, the air felt thick. I was happy to be back with him, but the fear of losing him again lingered in my mind.

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