Page 26 of Desperate Times

Red and I lay intertwined in the sheets. I inhaled the scent of her hair, savoring it as if I’d never smell it again. The morning sex and afternoon haze made us lazy. We separated long enough to feed, change, and entertain Scarlett. But soon after, we were basking in the company of one another again. I missed this. I’d spent the last few years getting my dick wet but refusing commitment at the same time. I yearned for intimacy and was settled now that I’d found it again in Red. And while I was at peace, she seemed troubled. Her breath was heavy with concern.The space between us that was once calm was now filled with questions.

I gently traced circles on her arm, feeling a warmth that once felt like home. My mind drifted back to the night she gave me her virginity. She was timid then, but now was the exact opposite, practically begging for more. The only thing that remained the same was her worry. Even now, it was etched across her face like she was about to blow her entire world up.

“Jah,” she whispered.

“Don’t tell me you’re ready for another round,” I joked with her. She smiled slightly, but concern once again covered her face. Crimson sat up from my chest and draped the sheet around her breasts. She shifted slightly, then rubbed her delicate hands through her hair. “What’s wrong, Red?” I asked, sitting up now.

“I need to be honest with you, Jah. And what I am about to say may tear us apart for good. But I can’t not tell you.”

“What's wrong, Crim?”

“Remember when Venus said I had secrets too?” I nodded as the hair on the back of my neck stood up. “Well, um, Quincy.” She hesitated, biting her lip. “Quincy is Scarlett’s father.”

“Que? Que that-”

“Yes, him.”

Silence filled the room, my disappointment hanging heavily in the air. I felt like we were building a new foundation. Trust was the main building block for it, and it quickly disappeared. The reality of the truth settled in. The decisions I made caused a Domino Effect in the lives of everyone around me. Gathering my thoughts, I chose my next words carefully. I had many questions. Even if she had answers, the outcome would still be the same. Red had a baby with another old friend turned foe. Nothing would be the same after this.

“Jahsir, say something, please.”

“Did you mess around with him to get back at me?”

“No, of course not. I swear I didn't know he was part of what y’all did. And I didn’t know he shot Dro either, or whatever happened. I'm not really clear on the details. But I do remember seeing him with you and Rashad in passing once before. I just didn't know the extent of your relationship. He wasn’t around when we’d hang out so I didn’t know, I mean…I fucked up Jah.”

I was quietly trying to process what she had told me. And I was upset, too. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. Crimson didn’t have a bad bone in her body, so I knew she didn’t do this on purpose, but it stung. Real fuckin bad.

“And Jah, I'm not trying to use any of that as an excuse. Seeing you with him once should have been enough for me not to mess around with him. But Venus introduced us. She encouraged it and practically vouched for him. I thought he was a good guy. I was just-”

“Venus? You said Venus hooked y’all up?”

“Yeah, it just happened so fast, everything. He comforted me and-” she paused. “I’m sorry, Jah.”

“How soon after I left did y’all get together?”

“Literally just within this past year. Those first few years, I stayed to myself. But now that I’m thinking about it, he was just using me. I was an easy target, and no I’m not playing victim. I am an adult and I made my own choices. But as I look back, everything happened so quickly like he wanted me to fall for him and fast. I promise Jah, as quickly as it started, it ended. When I got pregnant I couldn’t bring myself to get an abortion, not again. So-”

“It’s all good, Red. I can't hold you hostage for decisions you made in my absence. But if I’m being honest, I owe that nigga a bullet. And Scarlett complicates that.”

nine

. . .

Jahsir

An unsettling feeling came over me after I found out that Red messed around with Que for various reasons. I feel like my absence pushed her into a fucked up situation. She was so desperate for attention that she couldn’t see a snake sitting in front of her face. Of course, she wouldn’t have known he had a whole family. He was a pretty boy from the other side of Mulholland Falls. He came on her side to slum it. That's how I initially met Rashad and Crimson. But my affection for them was genuine, 10 years solid, even with my absence.

Although I grew up on the same side of the tracks as Crimson and Rashad, I went to school with Que. My aunt and uncle were rich, but there was family tension. So instead of my mother allowing me and my sister to move in with them, she instead opted for them to pay for my schooling. This is how I ended up at the same private school as Que. I saw firsthand how he showed up in all the latest and was doing everything necessary to get attention. He wanted to prove himself, and that's how we eventually became cool.

Que took notice of me. While everyone showed up with the latest Prada and Balenciaga, I showed up in my Fear of God hoodies or Supreme. I kept it simple with some white Air Force Ones. I easily stood out amongst the other students. When word got around that I was from the low end of Mulholland Falls, my reputation preceded me. The rich girls wanted a taste of the bad boy energy, and the boys wanted a lesson on being cool. Most of them were afraid to approach me, with the exception of Que.

He started with speaking, then eventually graduated to short conversations. The nigga would code switch whenever he spoke with me. I thought it was hilarious. He wanted a glimpse into the hood world so badly. Eventually, I introduced him to Rashad. Once I showed him where we hung out, he started sticking around more. Every so often, Que would show up at the basketball court to shoot with us or pull up in whatever sports car he was driving at the time to shoot dice. He wanted a lesson in Being a Street Nigga 101. Hanging around with me and Rashad and fucking the girls on the low end was a crash course. It gave him the validation he needed.

Que was one of the main reasons I didn’t want anyone to know I was in town. He was conniving and manipulative. He threw the rock and hid his hand every fucking time. I could never trust him, not fully, at least. I knew he was jealous of me, and Rashad too. Some niggas are so greedy that they want their world and yours too. He used us to get a glimpse of the life he admired. And we used him too; he was just another body for the job. But that’s when life went left. Bringing him on board cost Dro his life, and Rashad four years of his.

Finding out he was Scarlett's father struck a nerve. It thickened my need for revenge. It wasn’t a nigga in town that didn’t know Red belonged to me. I didn’t give a fuck about being absent. You never touched a nigga’s lady, whether they were present or not. So, at this point, it was time for me to pay Que avisit. It would take everything in me not to beat his ass. It would take even more for me not to kill him. But make no mistake, I was going to end him. It was just a matter of when.

I stepped up to the porch of his mansion. Typical, the nigga still lived home with his mother. I rang his bell, then checked a notification that had just come through on my phone. It was Red.

---