Page 5 of Desperate Times

“I don’t get a hug, a hello…. nothing?”

“I didn’t get a text or call in all this time. I don’t owe you anything, just like you clearly didn’t owe me shit.”

I took a step forward, closing the distance between us. “Don’t be like that. I’ve missed you.”

She slapped me hard, like I’d just said the worst thing possible. Her eyes were full of rage and an anger I’d never seen in her before. In fact, it wasn’t just anger. It was something deeper, something more personal. Her lips trembled like she was fighting to keep control. All that pain she buried was finally spilling out. My heart pounded but not from the hit. It was the thick ass tension between us. I know it wouldn’t be easy coming back but damn right now it felt impossible. Her eyes burned fiercely into mine. But then I caught a glimpse of something else. Hurt, betrayal, sadness maybe. While she refused to talk to me, her eyes said it all.

“I can explain,” I said, grabbing her arm, which only set her off further.

“I hate you!” she screamed, thrashing. “Let me go!”

But I didn’t. I refused to. Letting her go now would’ve meant losing her all over again. I couldn’t risk fucking up twice. I held her tighter, hoping she’d ease up, but she didn’t. She went into full blown attack mode. Crimson was enraged, and before Venus’s father could see us like that, I gently guided her into the bathroom and shut the door behind us.

Pinning her hands to her sides, I leaned in, pressing my forehead to hers. Her breathing was ragged and panicked. But as our foreheads met, it slowed just a little. Our breaths pulled into one another, settling the space between us.

“You left,” she whispered. “I don’t have anything to say to you. Just let me go, please.”

“You think I wanted to leave?” My voice was low and firm as I subtly pleaded for her understanding. “You think I would choose to hurt you?”

She sighed, and I ran my hand gently down her cheek, catching the tear that slid free. “You disappeared and never looked back.” Her gaze broke me. Each emotion she felt floated to the surface. Her fury, relief, and sadness; were all wrapped in one look and it was all because of me.

“I had my reasons,” I said. “Reasons I can’t explain. Not right now. And even if I could... nothing I say will change the time or the silence between us.”

“You’re right.” Her voice cracked like glass. “Because now that I know you’re alive and well, I never want to see you again.” She shoved me. “Get out of my way.”

“Make me.” I quipped, raising an eyebrow.

“Don't do this to me, Jahsir.”

“I want you.” I placed my hands on the door behind her.

She opened her mouth to respond, but the words never left those sexy ass lips. She’d kept up what tough exterior she could, but now she was questioning herself. Maybe she felt like she wasn’t the one in control anymore…because she wasn’t. Her anger was not stronger than our connection. She knew that, and my presence was a reminder.

“You don’t get it,” she replied as her voice cracked. “You broke me, Jahsir. And now you’re back, like nothing ever happened, like it doesn’t matter that you hurt me. I'm not gonna let you play with me like that again. No matter how much I miss you.”

“So you do miss me?”

My eyes searched hers. I was desperately trying to find a trace of the girl I left behind. The one who had trusted me with her heart, and I trusted her with everything; everything but my whereabouts for the last few years. But Crimson wasn’t that girlanymore. She was a grown woman who had lived life and, from what I’ve heard, had it extremely rough over the last several months.

She took a deep breath and turned away from me. “I’m sorry I hit you, but if you don’t move, you’ll find my knee in your nuts. Please leave so I can use the bathroom,” she said. At this point, her voice was dangerously calm. “And then I am going to go home to my daughter. I have responsibilities now.”

I stood to the side and made a mental note of her strength. I opened the door as she leaned on the sink. Before I left the bathroom, I said,

“It's good to see you again,” I added while turning away. “Oh, and Scarlett is beautiful, Red. She looks just like you. I hope I have a chance to meet her.” Her face went from shock to hope in a matter of moments. That was all I needed. Some sort of promise that we would see each other again, even if she couldn’t stand my guts now.

A couple of weeks ago, I got word that my best friend Rashad was getting out of jail. I called my cousin in Mulholland Falls and had him hook me up with one of his properties. After the paperwork was settled, I slid into town. Remaining incognito was stressful. I knew word would eventually get out about me being back and that would complicate a few things. It was also stressful because I didn’t know how Crimson would receive me, until now.

Everything that just happened, I deserved. She didn’t give me a chance to explain. But even if she did, what could I say? Nothing would make sense to her. All she knows is I left and returned years later. Crimson wouldn’t care about the details in between. Though she was emotional in the moment, she was always logical. Relying on facts usually kept her emotions intact, as it did with me.

The fact was that there were whispers about the heist we pulled. Somehow, my name got thrown into the mix, and because of that, I had to lay low. I didn’t have time for painful emotional goodbyes. I didn’t have time to plead with her to understand my dilemma. And I didn’t have time to explain why she couldn’t come with me. And because of that, she resented me.

I’ve always regretted leaving the way I did. I knew it would complicate our relationship further. But the longer I stayed gone, the harder it got for me to come back. Then I got the news that she was pregnant and had a baby. If anything, that influenced my decision to come home more than Rashad. I wasn’t ashamed to admit I was a jealous nigga. And just because she had a baby didn’t necessarily mean she had moved on completely. I sure as hell hadn’t. And because of that, I came back to Mulholland Falls with two goals in mind. To get my girl back first. And to get revenge last.

three

. . .

Crimson

---