Page 15 of Actually Yours

Bella’s back!

The thought flashes through my mind before I’m even properly awake. It’s been ten days since the wedding, which means it’s been ten days without my bestie around to debrief with. To vent with. Instead, I’ve been alone with my thoughts. Not a pleasant place to be, as it turns out.

AMELIA: Welcome home, B! Are you working today??

I send this message, ignoring the fact that the sun has barely risen and the newlyweds are probably still asleep. If it makes me seem desperate to see my friend, then the truth is out there. I am desperate to see Bella. Her absence has made me acutely aware of how few people I have in my life who I can turn to in times of distress.

BELLA: Yes! Come by for a coffee, I can’t wait to see you!

Bella’s almost immediate response warms my insides and I lie back down in bed, instantly feeling soothed. I’m scheduled to work the afternoon shift at the hair salon today, so I have all morning to spend hanging out with my bestie while she works.

AMELIA: I’ll be there as soon as you open. Tell Lilly to have the brownies ready for me!

Lilly and Bella work together in Lilly’s café,Love, Lilly, which they recently expanded to include a small art gallery to display the works of local artists, Bella included. They’re both so driven that this joint venture is already a resounding success. I couldn’t be prouder of them if I tried.

With my plans for the morning locked in place, I slowly make my way to the kitchen and put the kettle on. Taking down my box of Melbourne Breakfast tea, my mind flashes back to that night with Jake, as it has done hourly in the days since then. The whole encounter was a tangled mess, starting with that note.

That damn note, which I’d burned in a ritual cleansing ceremony a few days ago, veryPractical Magicof me. I’d thought if I could rid myself of the bad juju associated with the note, that maybe I’d be able to move on, put it all behind me, but alas, it didn’t work. Probably because I’m not really haunted by the note itself. Instead, it’s the images of Jake without his shirt on, Jake with his glasses on (or off, either works for me), Jake carrying me to his car, which are keeping me awake at night. It’s maddening that, after six months of not seeing him, not thinking of him (much), he’s crept back into my thoughts. Like that song in your head that you just can’t shake.What’s that called again?

The kettle whistles and I pour boiling water into my cup with one hand while Googling with the other.

An ‘earworm’, that’s it.

“The sticky music syndrome whereby music memories repeat uncontrollably in your head.” I read this out loud while taking my first sip of tea. Otherwise known as the best sip.

“That’s what that night with Jake has turned into, a memory that repeats uncontrollably,” I say to my cactus plant, Callie, who sits in a prime position on the kitchen windowsill. After several attempts at cultivating a small garden on my balcony,each with disastrous results (read: many, many dead plants), Bella gave me what she termed the “unkillable plant” and we’ve been happily co-habituating ever since. As it turns out, Callie the Cactus is an excellent listener. Not judgemental at all.

“Maybe I should Google how to get rid of an earworm?”

Callie doesn’t respond (fair), and I force myself to put the phone down and walk away. This sort of behaviour is bordering on crazy-town. All I need to do is see Bella, hash it all out and put it behind me. It was just one night, not even a night, really. Ninety minutes of madness, tops.Why is it bothering me so much?

Ignoring that I know the answer to this internal question, I head to my small but practical bathroom, to get ready for the day. Once I see Bella, I know things will feel better. She’ll talk me down off this ledge that I’ve made my way onto in her absence and everything will go back to the way it was. Me hating each and every man, the way it always should be.

*****

“Millie!”

Before I’m even through the front door of Love, Lilly café, the little bell above the door still ringing as it closes behind me, I’m enveloped in the arms of my best friend. I breathe her in and wrap my arms around, instantly better.

“Never leave me again.”

Bella laughs, like I’m joking, and squeezes me tight. “I missed you too.”

I shoot her a disbelieving look, because she just spent ten days on a tropical island with her hot firefighter husband. There’s not a chance that she even thought of me.

“I did,” she protests at the look on my face.

I pretend to believe her because it feeds my neglected ego.

“Come sit. Lilly has the brownies waiting for you. Though I’m going to say it one more time, brownies should not be a breakfast food.”

I start to argue this incorrect statement, but Lilly does it for me. “Brownies are an every-food. Suitable for any and all occasions.”

I grin at her, loving that it’s 8 a.m., and she’s already a chaotic mess. This is Lilly to a tee. She’s beautiful with her wild dark curly hair and big blue eyes, but she’s always on the wrong side of dishevelled. Take right now: she has flour in her hair and on her apron. Andon hershoes? And she has a chocolate moustache, making me think she’s been out the back sampling the goods. And the best bit? She doesn’t have a single care about any of it. Lilly is just comfortable in her skin; it makes me wonder how she got that way.

“Amelia! Sit, eat!” Lilly pushes me into one chair at what she deems her best table. It’s by the front window, perfect for people watching but still close enough to the counter for chatting while they both work.

I happily take my seat at the VIP table, slicing into my still-warm-from-the-oven-brownie with the fork she’s shoved into my hand.

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