Page 33 of Actually Yours

“Me too.”

I groan and pull up my text message thread. True enough, my blind texting spree had just been a jumble of gobbledegook. Perfect.

“Well, I’m telling you now. I’m sending a big SOS. In smoke signals and written in the sky. Get me out of here!” That last part comes out as a yell and I once again I check that Tom’s mum isn’t in here to hear this.

“What happened?” Again, this is Lilly. The one who is responsible for this entire ordeal in the first place.

“He brought his mum on the date.”

Nothing.

Silence.

Then barking laughter.

“He did what?” Bella gasps out through her giggles.

“He. Brought. His. Mother. On. Our. Date.” I punctuate every word so they can absorb the full effect of what I’m saying. “And she’s not even nice.”

“I’m sorry, Millie. That’s awful.” The laughter has stopped and, in its place, comes the sympathy.

Finally.

“It is. And I need you to fix it.”

I stay on the line and listen to them discuss ways to get me out of here. Lilly suggests calling in a bomb threat (no). Bella suggests calling me with a family emergency (maybe?). And Amy, the ever-logical Amy, suggests I just tell them I want to leave.

“Like, just tell them the truth?” I’m gobsmacked at how easy she makes it all sound. “Isn’t that rude?”

“It’s not ruder than bringing a third person, unannounced and uninvited, on your date,” she points out while the other two murmur in agreement. “Just pay for your meal. Tell them it’s been nice to meet them and bounce. Come to my place and drink wine with us instead.”

The mental image of the three of them hanging together is infinitely better than the prospect of sitting back down with Tom and Mrs. Walker, being forced to listen to another one of his ‘hilarious’ stories.

“OK. OK, I’m going to do it.”

The girls cheer me on from the other end of the line and I’m buoyed by their support. Hanging up, I take a minute to re-apply my cherry-red lipstick (completely wasted on the likes of that man waiting out there) and square my shoulders.

“You’re a strong, confident woman. You can do this.”

“Are you talking to me?”

I startle, whirling around to see that I’m no longer alone in the bathroom.

“Sorry,” I smile at the young woman who’s edging away from me, like she’s worried I’m about to go off the deep end.Fair.“Just gearing myself up to get out of a terrible date.”

Bathroom girl laughs, her shoulders relaxing. “Well, in that case, good luck, girl!”

We fist bump—strange—and with a spring in my step, I strut back to Tom and his mum. I leave my money on the table and wish them a pleasant evening. And then I bolt to the Uber I have waiting for me, unable to feel my legs as I go but still elated to put this awful night behind me.

*****

“You owe me cookies.” I say this to Lilly as she opens the door to let me into the house Amy shares with her husband Lucas. It had been a short Uber ride from my date from hell to my friend’s place and I’d spent every minute stewing over what a disaster the whole night had been. “And brownies.”

“Free cookies and brownies for a month.” She puts her arms around me and pulls me in for a hug. A tight, warm, comforting hug.

“For a year,” I counter-offer, a smile on my face to tell her I’m only half-serious.

“It can’t have been that bad.” This comes from Bella, who is lying on the floor, her head on a cushion, her feet up on the couch. She’s drinking a cocktail from a straw and I’m pretty sure she’ll end up sleeping through the night right where she currently lies.

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