Page 4 of Actually Yours

Here’s what it’s like: you know when you go to a dinner party that has just enough room at the table to fit the invited guests? Say, in this case, three happy couples? And then someone brings an extra stray person along, so the hosts have to find a fold-out table, stick it on the end, slap on a tablecloth and hope no one will notice where the real table ends and the add-on table begins? Well, that’s where I am today, at the end of the table,the extra part that’s not supposed to be there. I feel like my mere presence is making everything lopsided and slightly wrong. And IknowI’m being overly sensitive and this perception of my role today is most likely all in my head, but I can’t get over the notion that my being here without a partner is throwing the entire bridal party off.

“Aren’t they the most beautiful couple?” Lilly’s slightly slurred words draw my attention away from my unhinged internal monologue about seating arrangements and direct it back to the dancefloor where the bride and groom are sharing their first dance. The haunting notes of Etta James’s “At Last” fill the air and goosebumps pop up along each of my arms as my attention is glued to the two of them gliding across the floor, lost in each other’s gaze, their utter devotion to each other palpable.

I swallow hard. “They are.”

“Do you want to get married?”

My head turns sharply to look at Lilly, wondering where this question came from. Since becoming friends with Bella all those months ago, I’d been adopted into her friendship group, which comprises Amy and her best friend Lilly, who is also Bella’s business partner. We’d spent enough time together for Lilly to know that love and romance are not a popular topic of conversation for me.

“What about me makes you think I’m the marrying kind?”

She tilts her head, narrowing her eyes at me like she’s attempting to peer into my soul. And it’s working. Her intense inspection of me has my hands sweating.

“I think you’re totally the marrying kind.” She nods her head firmly after she says this, like the decision has been made.

“Lilly,” I start, keeping my voice firm like I would if I were talking to an unruly toddler. “You know I don’t want a relationship, that I’ve given up on love.”

Her expression softens as she looks from the happy couple back to me. “Maybe you just haven’t met the right man yet?”

I snort. “Well, I’ve met enough wrong men to know when to give up. It’s just not in the cards for me.”

“You haven’t met anyone who you’d want to settle down with?”

A pair of emerald green eyes flash in my mind without permission, and I promptly shoo them away.

“Nope. Not a single one.”

Lilly opens her mouth—to argue? to console me?—and is interrupted by the MC of the night, a role taken seriously by the fire station captain from where Daniel works. His deep commanding voice makes him perfect for the job, asking for the members of the bridal party to join the newlywed couple on the dance floor.

What fresh hell is this?

My mind races as Lucas leads Amy to the dance floor, followed by Oliver and Lilly.No, no, no. This can’t be happening!I’d been prepared for the awkward walk down the aisle, the uncomfortable photo shoot, the uneven numbers of this seating arrangement, but this? This is too much.

I’m rooted in my seat, staving off a panic attack, when my blurry vision stumbles on a large figure coming towards me. Daniel, the groom.

“Come dance with us,” he says with a dimpled smile and an offer of his hand. “We’re all dancing together.”

It’s only now that I focus on the dancefloor. I can see the six of them in a circle, arms around each other, dancing as one. Not as three separate couples. My breath rushes out of my lungs and those pesky tears tremble on my lashes.

“You know Bella would never do anything to make you feel left out,” Daniel says as he tucks my hand into the crook of his arm and walks us to where our friends are waiting. “I knowyou’ve been dreading being the ‘odd number’ today, but it’s just that, we could never have had our wedding without you being right by our sides.”

My insides flood with warmth; Daniel isn’t typically very effusive with his words. Except for when he’s with his love, Bella. With her, he’s a walking love sonnet.

“Thanks, Daniel.” My hand squeezes his arm as I’m filled with affection for the people in front of me. So what if I’m alone, the spinster of the group? Who needs a boyfriend when you have friends just like these?

*****

A boyfriend wouldn’t be the worst at a time like this.

This thought is playing on a loop in my mind, as I find myself several hours later, after the festivities are over, hobbling down the gravel path away from the magical fairyland wedding reception venue, towards where a car was supposed to be waiting for me. The rest of the bridal party had all left in groups of two (very Noah’s ark of them), only leaving me alone once I’d given them several dozen reassurances that I had a ride home. And I thought I had, except now it’s dark and my feet really hurt and the silver Subaru, licence plate TKO065, is nowhere in sight.

“Come on,” I mutter at my phone, which is refusing to find 4G (or is it 5G now? Or is that the bad G that is trying to take over the human race?). “How am I supposed to order an Uber without the internet?”

My phone remains stoic in its non-answer and I huff out a breath. Which I can now see in front of me. Thank you, frosty spring nights in Melbourne. The day had been so blindingly sunny, that I hadn’t given one single thought to bringing a jacket. Or a shawl or anything to cover my naked shoulders, leftbare thanks to the flattering deep sweetheart neckline of this strapless lemon-coloured bridesmaid’s dress.

“It’s going to be OK.” I say this into the darkness because the only person I’m reassuring with these words is me. And I’m not doing a great job at it, if I do say so myself.

With a sigh that I feel from the depths of my soul, I force my tired, aching feet to walk back up the hill to the reception venue, where, hopefully, there is a phone I can use.Surely these places still have landlines?

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