Page 80 of Actually Yours

They laugh at my pain while I get up to hunt for some Tiny Teddies. Surely there’s an emergency packet hidden somewhere in my pantry.

“Well, at least text him,” Amy amends, her voice muffled as I dive deeper into the deep dark recesses of my cupboard.

Ah, success!I nab a packet that I’d tucked away for just such an occasion and happily tear into it. Chocolate chip, my favourite of all the Tiny Teddies.

“I don’t know guys. My relationship with my dad is as bad as my relationship with all men.”

“You have terrible relationshipsbecauseof your relationship with your dad,” Amy corrects me with the truth. “Maybe if you work on that one, the others will fall into place.”

Huh, she may have a point.I look at my phone, where my message to Jake is still sitting there read and unanswered and wonder which relationship I should work on first.

“Is it a bit like the chicken and the egg?” I ask them, my three married friends who need to guide me through this. “Which one came first?”

“Your screwed-up relationship with your dad, of course. Everything after that has been a direct effect of what your dad did. And also, how your mum handled it.”

I know what Bella is saying is true, but I also know that I really don’t want to talk to my dad.

“I don’t know if I can see him, guys.” I’ve finished my cookies and I mourn the empty packet in my hand. No more Tiny Teddies.

“We know, Millie,” Bella says. “But it really may help.”

My emotional baggage, which I’ve been carrying around for so long, weighs heavily on me and I picture what my life would be like without it. Without the sadness of my dad abandoning me and my mum, moving on to a new family. A preferable family. A life without men who inevitably let me down. A life with someone like Jake. A life with Jake.

“OK,” I give in. “I’ll send him a text. See what he wants.”

They give me an encouraging cheer and I quickly write a message, pressing send before I can change my mind.

“Done.” I pick up my pink drink, having had my designated two glasses of water, wondering what happens next.

PING.

That was quick.

“Is it from your dad?” Lilly asks, the three of them scooting closer to me, offering comfort through their proximity.

I read the message through twice before handing the phone to Bella.

“He wants to meet you tomorrow morning, but gives no reason.” She looks at me. “Are you going to meet him?”

Unfortunately for me, I work the late shift on a Wednesday, starting at lunchtime and finishing after 8 p.m., so I have no legitimate reason to say no. Other than, I really want to.

“You should do it. Get it over and done with,” Amy says. “We can all be on standby for an SOS call, to get you out of there if you need.”

Lilly and Bella nod along and I feel better. Supported.I can do this.

“OK.” I send a quick message confirming the time and place for the next morning, stopping just short of inviting him to meet me at Love, Lilly café. “I’ll do it. Just to see what he has to say for himself.”

“At a minimum, you deserve an explanation for why he’s been such a crappy Dad,” Lilly says.

“And an apology as well,” adds Bella.

“Yes,” I nod, appearing confident while quivering with nerves on the inside. “It’s just one meeting, and then I can move on with my life.”

“Or,” Amy speaks up, “maybe you could have some sort of relationship with your dad. A healthy one.”

We all look at her. She needs to say more. To explain herself.

“It’s just that I’ve got such a close relationship with my dad,” she says, shifting in her seat. “As do you, Bella, and Lilly. And it’s such an important one. If there’s a chance to get it back on track, I think you should be open to it.”

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