Page 90 of Actually Yours

“Come on, Robby. We’re not teenagers anymore. I get you feel weird about seeing me with your ex-girlfriend, but can you really, hand-on-heart, claim that you loved Amelia? That she was the one for you?”

His jaw clenches and he doesn’t answer my question directly. “Are you saying that you love Amelia? That she’s the one for you?”

Myriad of Amelia memories flood my brain and I don’t hesitate “Yes, to both. Amelia, if she’ll have me, is the one I want to spend my life with.”

“What if I feel the same?”

I stare him down, knowing that Robby has loved no one other than himself. He doesn’t have the capacity yet.

“I’d say, I don’t believe you.”

He deflates in front of me. The stubbornness from a minute ago now melting into the petulance I knew would ultimately appear.

“Whatever, man. She was mine first. This is all kinds of messed up.”

And that’s it. We’ve hit an impasse and there’ll be no reasoning with him. Robby sees Amelia as his toy, the one he had first and then put down when he got bored. He doesn’t want her, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have her, either.

“Fair enough. I hear you and I’m sorry you feel this way. But if Amelia wants to be with me, I’m not letting anything—anything—get in the way of that. Do you understand me?”

“So, I’m supposed to live here with you while you date my ex-girlfriend?” He looks so appalled that I choke back a laugh.

“No, I would never ask you to do that.” He lights up. “You are free to move out at any time.”

And that’s the moment when Robby realises that he has no more moves to play. He lives here with me, rent-free, because I allow it. Because my parents asked me to help him out. But if the choice is between having Robby as my freeloading roommate or a life with Amelia…well, there’s no choice there, really. Amelia wins every time.

“I’m going to tell Mum and Dad about this.”

This is his last card and I throw it back at him, utterly exhausted with his nonsense. “I’ll save you the trouble,” I tell him as I walk out of the room.We’re done here.“I’ll tell them myself.”

With this parting shot, I leave my little brother to ruminate on his life decisions and hightail it to my bedroom. Now in theright headspace to read Amelia’s Christmas card, I’m dying to know what she came here to share with me.

Dear Jake,

First, let me say I’m sorry. For so many things. For sending that scary text message, for running away after we kissed, for the whole ‘dating plan’ of it all, for picking your brother that first night. That’s what I’ll forever be sorry for. For seeing you and choosing him. Because what I’ve come to realise is that…I’m actually yours.

I have been and I always will be.

Yours,

Amelia.

My heart is in my mouth as I re-read Amelia’s Christmas card to me. These are the words I’ve wanted to hear for so long, clearly articulated on the page in front of me, bouncing around as my eyes fill with tears.

She’s mine?

She’s mine.

The weight of what she’s written lightens the pressure in my chest. The pressure that has been there for so long, I don’t always notice it. But it’s been a persistent sensation, this idea that, even if she chose me, I would only ever be her second choice. The option she took after choosing many others before me. Turns out, she’d made her choice all along. It just took her mind a bit of time to catch up with her heart.

So, what are you going to do now? the nagging voice in my head questions me. Amelia has laid it out there and left the ball in my court. There are a couple of things left to juggle—namely Robby and my parents—and I know I will have to sort those out before I can fully commit myself to her.Amelia, your heart issafe with me. And I’m going to prove it to you. Just give me some time.

*****

The next morning, after the most solid night’s sleep I’ve had in months, I wake to find Robby shut away in his room. Refusing to talk to me.

“Very mature,” I mutter to his closed door after he’d yelled at me toget lost. “I guess I’m going to have to be the adult here.”

I spare his bedroom door one more glance before grabbing my coffee in my to-go cup and heading out the door. My plan is to see my parents before heading to Lilly’s café. I need some advice about how to proceed with Amelia, and her closest friends are the best place to start.

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